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Psiholog Mila Covali

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Psiholog Mila Covali

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Psiholog & psihoterapeut integrativ autonom (Romania cod personal COPSI 26409)
Somatic Expriencing® Practitioner & International Assistant

15/09/2026

Ce-și dorește cel mai mult de la celălalt o persoană cu stil de atașament anxios? O relație în care celălalt este disponibil aproape tot timpul, răspunde repede, nu se retrage, nu se supără că ai nevoie din nou de reasigurare și nu te lasă să ghicești dacă tonul lui s-a schimbat pentru că ai făcut tu ceva greșit, printre altele.

Și cine oferă astăzi exact acest tip de experiență relațională? ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini și ceilalți boți conversaționali.

Pentru cineva obișnuit să scaneze relațiile pentru semne de distanțare, respingere sau pierdere a interesului, acest tip de interacțiune poate fi profund liniștitor, pentru că dispare o parte importantă din incertitudinea care activează anxietatea relațională.

DAR un spațiu în care primim constant răspuns, validare și reasigurare devine și un spațiu în care nu mai exersăm tolerarea frustrării, a ambiguității și a așteptării, adică exact lucrurile de care avem nevoie pentru a putea rămâne într-o relație reală fără să cerem permanent confirmarea că suntem în siguranță și că nu s-a rupt nimic.

Relațiile dintre oameni presupun întreruperi, decalaje, neînțelegeri, momente în care celălalt nu poate fi disponibil, momente în care nu ne spune exact ce avem nevoie să auzim și situații în care trebuie să suportăm pentru o vreme faptul că nu știm ce gândește sau ce simte. Dacă ne obișnuim prea mult cu o relație în care toate aceste fricțiuni dispar, există riscul ca relațiile reale să înceapă să ni se pară mai greu de tolerat decât sunt deja, iar nevoia de contact constant, validare și apropiere să devină și mai intensă.

Faptul că anxietatea scade pentru că primim imediat răspuns nu înseamnă neapărat că devenim mai siguri în relație, ci doar că am găsit o modalitate foarte eficientă de a fugi de disconfort. Iar capacitatea de a te liniști singur, de a tolera o pauză, de a nu interpreta orice distanță ca respingere și de a rămâne în contact cu tine când celălalt nu este disponibil nu se dezvoltă dacă de fiecare dată când apare neliniștea o externalizăm imediat.

Nu cred că problema este folosirea boților în sine, ci felul în care îi folosim și locul pe care ajung să îl ocupe.

Dacă observi că apelezi la un bot mai ales când ai nevoie să fii reasigurat, când nu poți tolera că cineva nu îți răspunde, când simți nevoia să verifici din nou și din nou dacă reacția ta este „normală” sau dacă ai dreptate într-o situație relațională, merită să te oprești puțin și să te uiți la ce se întâmplă acolo. Ce anume cauți în acel răspuns imediat, ce devine greu de suportat în lipsa lui și ce se întâmplă cu tine în spațiul dintre nevoie și răspuns?

11/09/2026

I work with a lot of high-performing individuals and one essential skill I insist on early on in counseling and coaching is self-compassion, for reasons I've highlighted in the carousel. Their standards are high, their track record is stellar. They are immigrants, leaders, founders, mothers, fellow counselors who got used to a rhythm that feels unsustainable, draining, and is beginning to harm their health and relationships.

Here are ways I go about building self-compassion in my practice:

👉 One is metta or loving-kindness practice: bring to mind someone who feels easy to love. It can be a pet/ your favourite houseplant/ a child in your family/ your inner child/ a friend/ family member /etc.). After you pick the recipient, start making whishes for them. A few traditional ones are: “May you be loved”, “May you be safe and protected”, “May you be happy”, but feel free to personalise the practice with your own wishes, such as “May you have all the dog bones you want” (this one is from Five Invitations, by Frank Ostaseski). As you say the wishes, notice what happens with your emotional state and your body. Why we begin a self-comassion practice by wishing good thid things to a loved one is that, for those of us with a strong inner critic, self-compassion needs a gateway. As this practice becomes a habit, wishes that begin with “May I ...” are introduced. Daniel Siegel’s Wheel of awareness practice has a “May mWe...” version. Look it up if that sparked your curiosity.

👉 The second is to look beyond the behaviours to the fear and the need. In our example, overgiving (giving more than feels comfortable or more than is being asked, if it is asked at all) is the behavior. In sessions, we take a compassionate look at what happens if the client doesn’t anticipate needs/ overgive. I’ve heard answers such as: “They won’t need me and I will end up alone” or “Everything will turn to chaos without me”. These are fears. Fear of being alone points to a need for connection. The chaos statement can reveal a need for security, validation, or affirmation. While it’s easy for us to judge ourselves harshly for our fears, we all need connection and, as children, our survival depended on it. We also need security, validation and affirmation, which are among the 8 primary relational needs believed to be most often expressed by clients in therapy (R. Erskine).

Does your practice include self-compassion? If not, do the above exercises sound like something you’d be willing to try?

If you’d like to explore your own patterns in a self-development, counseling or Somatic Experiencing process with me, reach out by DM or on It’s Complicated.

09/09/2026

I use mindfulness techniques with most of my clients to develop interoception and this conversation takes place early on, as part of orienting them in the process. People come to therapy wanting to feel more and that often comes with reconnecting to sensations and emotions we’ve learned to ignore, chronic tension or discomfort we’ve learned to dissociate from. One helpful analogy is physical exercise. We expect discomfort and even pain when we lift heavy weights. We build strength by gradually increasing load and tolerating discomfort while staying motivated by our values and goals. Our bodies don’t panic or go into a stress reaction at the first sign of resistance. The same principle can be applied to interoception. We explore in a resourced and titrated way, with care, curiosity, and self-compassion.

18/08/2026

Nothing to talk about in therapy? The whole week leading to your session is full of interactions, feelings, thoughts and insights, but as the appointment approaches, you don’t know where to start and what to bring up.

I’ve heard clients hesitate to mention certain events, thoughts, or experiences because they didn’t seem relevant to the process. Others come prepared with two or three subjects every time and have trouble choosing one to start with.

While there is never any pressure to bring an issue to counseling and no thought or observation is irrelevant, here are some questions that have been helpful for my clients.

20/07/2026

Next Friday (July 31st) I’m facilitating a reflection circle at the Hive Minds Founder Reset.

You’re also in for:
🧘‍♀️ a Resonance Yoga Experience by YogaSphere
and
🍽️ a healthy community dinner (included with your ticket), followed by meaningful conversations with fellow founders and builders

We’ve got the recipe for a high-quality, intimate evening.

If you’ve been craving a chance to pause, reflect, and reconnect with yourself and other founders, I’d love to see you there.

👉 Grab your spot today (link in my bio).

06/07/2026

What better way to celebrate International Kiss Day 💋 than with memories from the Constantin Brâncuși exhibition at Neue Nationalgalerie

16/06/2026

Something I often observe when working with my clients is the desire to immediately translate a new insight into a changed behavior and the disappointment when it doesn't happen.

Of course, the ultimate goal of any counseling or coaching process is behavior change, experienced as flexibility to choose from a range of more adaptive responses. More flexibility and adaptive responses lead to more desirable outcomes, better quality of life and new ways of experiencing oneself and others.

But before behavior can really change, insight needs to be embodied and integrated. Our actions are the most evident piece of the puzzle, but in order for behavior to change, old cognitive and emotional patterns need to be overridden. New neural pathways need repetition over time to strengthen.

In the sessions, the way I encourage clients to relate to a new insight is by imagining it more as a feather in the wind, and less as a lightning bolt. I invite them to patiently let the feather find a place to land in its own time and observe it without rushing. As they are watching it, I ask them to pay attention to how their mind and body are responding to the new insight: sometimes feelings of guilt, shame or sadness arise for all those times when this particular adaptive response wasn't available, other times they may feel energized, relieved or freed from the limitations of the old ways of thinking, feeling and being in the world. This is where somatic work becomes the bridge between the cognitive and the behavioral.

One last thing I emphasize is that an insight today won't change behavior tomorrow. Or at least not when they are tired, highly emotional or stressed.
Until the new insight is integrated and new behaviors are sufficiently practiced, wind might blow the feather back up into the air. It's important to remember that resorting to old patterns every once in a while is not failing, it is human.

13/06/2026

“The field's most important conversation over the next five years is not whether AI replaces therapy. It is how the field organises itself around the part of therapy that AI is making newly visible — and newly in demand.

What AI cannot do — and this is not a current-limitations point, this is a structural point — is the layer of therapeutic work that depends on the physical presence of another regulated nervous system.

Co-regulation between two autonomic systems.

Real-time interoceptive attunement.

Bottom-up processing of the kind EMDR, somatic experiencing, and sensorimotor psychotherapy operate at. Flow states in shared physiological space.”

from Josh Dickson’s on LinkedIn (link to full post in comments)

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