20/06/2026
Sitting quietly in nature, appreciating the delicate beauty of the poppies that will not last for long. This reminds me how transitory our entire life is even though it may seem so very long and endless at times.
Sometimes when sitting and reading one of my books I am inspired by a particular sentence and I take the time to put the book down and follow the thread.
This morning was one such moment. The protagonist had somebody with all the time in the world to sit and listen to their story and understand them.
This reminded me of a lot of my life when I desperately wanted to be heard and understood by somebody, and the fact that nobody seemed to want to do that made me frustrated and furious and desperate and needy (with the added social pressure of "never let anyone know that you are needy") etc.
It is only very recently that I have begun to see such behaviour as the desperate plight of a child. It was during covid time that I really began to appreciate that everyone was overloaded with stuff and was fighting the same battle to stay afloat that I was. I wasn't special at all!
That might have caused me to drown and expire. And in a way it did. But there is also a wonderful point that we reach just before death's door when all else has been stripped away and there are just two elements left. To be or not to be. That really is the question!
Turns out that there was one person that would listen to me and understand me and therefore be able to help me create a better life for myself going forward......and that person was me!
Since my cancer diagnosis in 2000 launched me into the world of self discovery I had become familiar with my internal village, I had reached understandings of what each character and building was trying to achieve.....and they were all credible ideas, excepting that they were based on what I had supposed the world at large had tried to show me during my formative years.
Regardless of what I was taught or what I believed I was taught, now was clearly the time to grow, to become an adult and begin the process of parenting the inner child aspect of myself in respect to the world I found myself living in right under my feet in that there moment.
The consistency my inner child needed wasn't found in a timetable, instead it was found in my desire to keep on understanding what was really going on, my desire to allow all emotions without comment, my ability to create a safe feeling in which to patiently (that was difficult) stand back and create an environment in which the inner child could unfold and emerge naturally in the world we have right here right now.
That involved a lot of trauma finding oneself on a planet that experts said would soon burn and yet so called world leaders didn't seem to be doing anything about that. I can't think of anything more existentially horrifying and yet that was our starting ground.
Rebuilding the outlier aspects of self without disappearing into them as an escape has taken a very long time in some ways and yet in other ways not so much as my actual childhood was a training ground for energetic escape and manipulation (of parents mostly) to create safer spaces to exist in. We don't throw baby out with the bath water, we adapt what we have.
In fact, working with what I have rather than constantly chasing that which I don't have has saved me an awful lot of energy.
So I hope you enjoy my poppies swaying in the breeze and maybe awaken your own little inner thread that leads to some deeper of understanding that just might save some energy and give back you to you. The world needs you just as you are.
Merry Midsummer!
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