Phil de la Haye IFS

Phil de la Haye IFS Certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapist, Counsellor, and SIRPA Practitioner

Do you need to remember your trauma to heal from chronic pain? 🌿Short answer: no.I know that can be hard to sit with — e...
19/06/2026

Do you need to remember your trauma to heal from chronic pain? 🌿

Short answer: no.

I know that can be hard to sit with — especially if there's a part of you that wants to find the root cause, understand everything, analyse the full picture before you allow healing to begin. That makes complete sense. But it's not the only way in.

Most of us don't have clear memories of early childhood. And that's not a problem to solve — it's just how our brains work. What we do carry is implicit memory: stored not as stories, but as sensations, emotions, and patterns of behaviour. Body memories. Feeling flashbacks.

The work isn't about recovering the past. It's about getting curious about what's alive in you right now.

What does your body feel?
What's present?
How might it be protective?

As you learn to soothe yourself and regulate your nervous system, you teach your brain that it's safe — without needing to know exactly what made it feel unsafe in the first place.

Swipe through for more đź’›

Chronic pain is nearly always neuroplastic (i.e. being produced in the brain and not due to tissue damage).Neuroplastic ...
15/06/2026

Chronic pain is nearly always neuroplastic (i.e. being produced in the brain and not due to tissue damage).

Neuroplastic pain can occur when the body is perfectly healthy. The brain learns the pathway for pain and gets really good at producing it. Think of it as an oversensitive burglar alarm that keeps going off when there’s no intruder.

The good news is that you can unlearn your pain and dial down the sensitivity of the alarm system that’s triggering the pain.

Read back through my other posts for more details about how to do it, or check out my website for further info and links to resources - including a link to the book quoted here. The Way Out by Alan Gordon and Alon Ziv, which is an excellent book on the topic.

MINDBODY HEALTH TIPImmerse yourself in nature!Being in nature has huge benefits for our physical and emotional health.Re...
11/06/2026

MINDBODY HEALTH TIP
Immerse yourself in nature!
Being in nature has huge benefits for our physical and emotional health.
Research shows that time spent in green spaces:
> lowers stress hormones
> reduces symptoms of depression
> improves focus and attention span
> boosts immune system
> boosts serotonin levels (happy hormone)
> improves overall health
> improves sleep

If it's not possible for you to get out in nature, or if being outdoors feels unsafe, look out of the window at trees, or the sky. Look at photos or videos of nature, or listen to nature sounds on YouTube (birdsong, wave sounds, streams etc). Even looking at photos of the fractal patterns seen in nature can help to reduce your stress levels

Resuming exercise with chronic pain is rarely as simple as 'just start moving.' Your nervous system needs retraining to ...
08/06/2026

Resuming exercise with chronic pain is rarely as simple as 'just start moving.' Your nervous system needs retraining to reduce fear. Swipe through for suggestions that might help, including what's helped me.

What's the exercise you're hoping to get back to?

Think of mindbody healing like a buffet. You try things, see what works for you, and trust your instincts. Learning to a...
06/06/2026

Think of mindbody healing like a buffet. You try things, see what works for you, and trust your instincts. Learning to attune to your needs and trust yourself is a vital part of the healing process.

From an IFS perspective we can see this as a polarized struggle between our protective managers telling us what to do, a...
05/06/2026

From an IFS perspective we can see this as a polarized struggle between our protective managers telling us what to do, and other parts reacting with frustration to the demands being made on the system.

Our manager parts are actually often young, even though they boss us around so they sound like inner adults. It can be helpful to think of them more as parentified children who took on these busy jobs to try and protect us.

Internal conflict can cause stress and this can create physical symptoms.

But when you shine a light on that conflict, you bring it into conscious awareness and feel and recognise your conflicting emotions (e.g. frustration, duty, guilt, resentment). Then once you allow yourself to feel those emotions, you can help to take care of yourself in whatever situation you find yourself facing.

Taking care of yourself might look like setting a boundary and saying no.
Or it might look like doing the thing anyway, but acknowledging that it sucks and being kind to yourself for having mixed feelings about it.

The important thing is to let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling about it. Let all your parts be heard and acknowledged by you. Because once you do that, the internal conflict lessens and so does your stress.

03/06/2026

Do you have questions about chronic pain, persistent symptoms, or mindbody conditions?

Our next SIRPA Practitioner Chat is a live Q&A with Physio Drew Coverdale and IFS Practitioner Phil de la Haye, created for anyone looking to better understand their symptoms through a mindbody approach.

This is a chance to hear from experienced practitioners, ask questions, and explore what recovery can look like when we move beyond simply managing pain and start understanding the role of the brain, nervous system, emotions, and safety.

đź“… Friday 19 June 2026
⏰ 15:00–16:00 BST
🌍 10:00–11:00 AM ET

Register for the free event here:
https://fb.me/e/6XaVWa9Yh

What question would you love to ask during the Q&A? đź’™

This is a really useful grounding technique, which can help you bring you (and young 'inner child' parts of you who may ...
03/06/2026

This is a really useful grounding technique, which can help you bring you (and young 'inner child' parts of you who may be stuck in the past) back to the present moment if you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed. It’s a bit like a scavenger hunt for your senses.

Sit comfortably (if you can) and try and breathe slowly and evenly, then tune into your senses. Notice one thing at a time, and pay close attention to it for a few moments. Try and find:
5 different things you can see (things near you, things further away, out of a window if you’re indoors)
4 things you can hear (again - things close by, and more distant sounds)
3 things you can feel (air on your skin, your clothes, your body weight in your seat, your feet making contact with the ground)
2 things you can smell (the air around you, any particular scents you can notice?)
1 thing you can taste (just the taste inside your mouth at the time is fine)

When you’re finished, check in with how you feel. Hopefully something has shifted and you feel a little calmer and more connected with the present.

How is journalling going to help me recover from chronic pain or other chronic symptoms?It might sound like a weird way ...
01/06/2026

How is journalling going to help me recover from chronic pain or other chronic symptoms?

It might sound like a weird way to try and help your symptoms, but emotional journalling can be a powerful way to dial down your ramped up nervous system; and this has the effect of turning down the dial on your symptoms too.

When I suggest journalling. I don’t mean just writing about the events of your day like a report. I recommend the kind of emotional brain dump that’s advocated by Nicole Sachs in her JournalSpeak method, and is supported by the research of Dr James Pennebaker. Let the different parts of you rage, or cry, or write your worst fears down. As you do this, try and stay with the feelings that come up and witness your own process.

Both during and afterwards try and offer yourself as much self-compassion and kindness as you can. Forgive yourself for whatever comes out. It can be helpful to pause, put your hand over your heart and take a slow breath if it start to feel too intense.

Delete/destroy your writing when you’re finished. That way you will feel safe enough not to censor yourself.

Regular journalling can help release cumulative stress. It will also help you have more self-awareness, and more self-compassion, because you’ll be listening to yourself instead of stuffing down all your feelings and ignoring them.

Journalling is a commitment to yourself and an act of true self-care, and it can be a powerful tool in healing from chronic pain or other stress related conditions.

I’m very excited to finally be reading this long-awaited new release from Howard Schubiner This approach made a huge di...
30/05/2026

I’m very excited to finally be reading this long-awaited new release from Howard Schubiner
This approach made a huge difference to my experience of pain, fatigue, anxiety, and other stress-related symptoms.

Dr Schubiner is one of the pioneers of the practice and research into mindbody medicine. He teaches how despite being very real and debilitating, many chronic physical symptoms are neuroplastic in origin and therefore more reversible than the biomedical model would have us believe. Essentially pain and symptoms are danger signals. But the danger isn’t always from tissue damage or disease and is often incorrectly attributed to normal signs of wear and tear visible on scans.

Addressing the underlying emotional causes, breaking the pain-fear cycle, and retraining the brain to respond differently to stressors can massively reduce or even eliminate long-term chronic symptoms.

If you want to know more, this book explains everything!
It’s available at all the major book sellers and is also available as an audiobook.
Amazon links for ease:
UK
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Unlearn-Your-Pain-Recovering-Depression/dp/1785046756/
US
https://www.amazon.com/Unlearn-Your-Pain-Recovering-Depression/dp/0593994361

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