Aylesbury Therapy for Kids

14/07/2026

A fabulous testimonial...

When we first approached Ian at Aylesbury Therapy for Kids, our son was struggling with the transition to secondary school. He had become withdrawn, frequently angry and was accumulating detentions at school because of behavioural issues. As parents, we could see that he was unhappy, but we were finding it difficult to understand the root causes or how best to support him, becausehe wasn’t communicating with us.
Over the course of several months, Ian built an excellent rapport with him. Through patience, consistency and a genuine ability to engage with young people, he helped our son understand his emotions, build confidence and develop strategies to cope with the challenges he was facing.
The change has been remarkable. His behaviour at school has improved significantly, his detentions have reduced dramatically, and he is now far more settled and positive about school - and learning. He initiates and engages much more readily in conversations at home, has grown in confidence socially, and has developed a much healthier belief in his own abilities. Perhaps most importantly, he is once again enjoying being an 12-year-old boy.
What particularly impressed me was Ian's ability to identify the underlying issues rather than simply addressing the behaviours. His observations and feedback have been thoughtful, balanced and evidence-based, and he worked closely with us as parents throughout. His recent report for our son's EHCP review clearly demonstrates both his professionalism and his genuine commitment to achieving the best outcomes for the children he supports.
As someone whose own professional role requires me to assess people, evidence and complex situations objectively, I have been extremely impressed by Ian's insight and integrity and the tangible difference he has made to our son's confidence, emotional wellbeing and communication. I would recommend Ian without hesitation to any family seeking support for a young person experiencing similar challenges.

www.aylesburytherapyforkids.co.uk
07964 976711

Aylesbury Therapy for kids – Bringing confidence to children After helping hundreds of children overcome mental health challenges and even more families recreate quality time together and rebuild strong family relationships. I am offering a few free one hour consultations. Claim your free one hour...

02/07/2026

Resilience isn’t pretending things are fine or pushing through alone. It’s about caring for ourselves, connecting with others and taking helpful steps forward, even in difficult times.

09/06/2026

Is your child still sleeping in your bed?
For some families this works perfectly, but for others it can disrupt sleep and make it difficult to enjoy time as a couple.
If it's time for your child to return to their own bed, start by talking about it. Explain what will happen and why, so it doesn't come as a surprise.
You might sit with them while they fall asleep, gradually moving further away over time. Or agree to check on them after 5 minutes, then 10, slowly increasing the gap between visits.
If they come into your room during the night, calmly take them back to their own bed and stay briefly until they settle. Keep conversation to a minimum.
Encourage them by focusing on the positives—big kids enjoy having their own space and independence.
Most importantly, celebrate every success with plenty of praise and encouragement.
Ian Davies
www.aylesburytherpayforkids.co.uk
07964 976711

08/06/2026

Is Your Young Person Struggling with Anger?
Many young people find it difficult to manage their emotions, and anger can be particularly challenging. It often affects the whole family, leading to conflict between parents, siblings, and other family members. Over time, it can feel like everyone is walking on eggshells, unsure of what might trigger the next outburst.
One simple but effective approach can be used when the young person is calm. Ask them to draw what their anger looks like. If colours are available, it is often drawn in red, and the image may appear messy or scribbled, reflecting their frustration. It doesn’t matter if the drawing doesn’t resemble anything recognisable. What matters is that it represents their feelings.
Next, invite them to give the drawing a name. It could be “Mr Angry” or anything they choose. Then, have a conversation about where they would like this character to go. Perhaps it’s a desert island far away, the bottom of the ocean, or even just the bin.
You can take this a step further by writing an “address” on the paper, adding a stamp if you like, and making a small, meaningful ritual of sending it away. Encourage them to say goodbye, helping them to feel a sense of release and control.
Once this is done, you can gently remind them that their anger has been sent away if it begins to return.
If you would like further help or advice, please feel free to get in touch:
Yes thats me, Ian in the picture
07964 976711
www.aylesburytherapyforkids.co.uk

03/06/2026

What Is Anger Really Hiding?
Anger can be one of the hardest emotions for parents and teachers to deal with. A child can go from calm to furious in seconds over something that seems tiny, like a biscuit, turning off a game, or being told “no.”
But anger is often not the real emotion.
Primary emotions are the feelings that come first, such as frustration, sadness, disappointment, fear, or embarrassment. Anger is often a secondary emotion that appears afterwards to protect the child from those more vulnerable feelings.
Very often, what is underneath is frustration.
Frustration at not getting what they want.
Frustration at not feeling understood.
Frustration at not knowing how to express themselves properly.
When I work with angry children, building rapport can take time. Some children are very angry indeed. But once trust develops, progress can happen surprisingly quickly.
One of the most important steps is helping the child understand that anger usually starts with another feeling underneath it. Sometimes the gap between frustration and anger is only seconds.
We explore what happened just before the anger appeared and practise ways to handle frustration earlier. Often this involves simple problem solving. If the problem can be solved, the frustration reduces, and there is less need for anger.
Role play can also help children practise different responses before situations happen in real life.
Without support, children can become stuck in anger patterns and labelled as “difficult” when they are actually overwhelmed or struggling emotionally underneath.
Of course, these strategies do not always work instantly. Some children find it hard to open up, and consistency at home and school is important for progress. But when children begin to understand what their anger is really trying to say, emotional regulation often becomes much easier.
Sometimes the most important question is not:
“How do we stop the anger?”
But instead:
“What is the anger hiding?”
Ian Davies
www.aylesburytherapyforkids.co.uk
07964 976711

01/06/2026

Life can feel heavy at times, but there are still good things all around us: moments of kindness, beauty, joy and connection. When we notice and appreciate them, we feel more resilient and hopeful.

19/05/2026

What Your Brain Deletes Without You Realising

Deletion is one of the ways our brain keeps us from becoming overwhelmed. Every second, we take in huge amounts of information through our senses, but if we noticed everything, life would feel chaotic and exhausting. So the brain quietly filters things out.

In NLP, this is called Deletion. It is the brain’s way of deciding what feels important and what can be ignored.

Ever walked into the kitchen looking for the ketchup, stared directly at it, and still couldn’t see it? Then someone points straight at it and suddenly it appears. We have all done it. Your eyes saw the ketchup the whole time, but your brain deleted it because your attention was focused elsewhere.

One exercise I use in sessions is called the Red Room Exercise. I ask someone to look around the room and notice everything red. Once they are finished, I ask them to close their eyes and tell me everything blue they saw.

Most people laugh and say, “But you told me to look for red!”

Exactly.

Their eyes saw every colour in the room, but the brain filtered out what it believed was unimportant. That is deletion in action. We are all constantly filtering reality, and no two people delete information in exactly the same way. That is why two people can experience the same situation very differently.
Ian Davies
www.aylesburytherpayforkids.co.uk
007964 976711

18/05/2026

What Is Anger Really Hiding?
Anger can be one of the hardest emotions for parents and teachers to deal with. A child can go from calm to furious in seconds over something that seems tiny, like a biscuit, turning off a game, or being told “no.”
But anger is often not the real emotion.
Primary emotions are the feelings that come first, such as frustration, sadness, disappointment, fear, or embarrassment. Anger is often a secondary emotion that appears afterwards to protect the child from those more vulnerable feelings.
Very often, what is underneath is frustration.
Frustration at not getting what they want.
Frustration at not feeling understood.
Frustration at not knowing how to express themselves properly.
When I work with angry children, building rapport can take time. Some children are very angry indeed. But once trust develops, progress can happen surprisingly quickly.
One of the most important steps is helping the child understand that anger usually starts with another feeling underneath it. Sometimes the gap between frustration and anger is only seconds.
We explore what happened just before the anger appeared and practise ways to handle frustration earlier. Often this involves simple problem solving. If the problem can be solved, the frustration reduces, and there is less need for anger.
Role play can also help children practise different responses before situations happen in real life.
Without support, children can become stuck in anger patterns and labelled as “difficult” when they are actually overwhelmed or struggling emotionally underneath.
Of course, these strategies do not always work instantly. Some children find it hard to open up, and consistency at home and school is important for progress. But when children begin to understand what their anger is really trying to say, emotional regulation often becomes much easier.
Sometimes the most important question is not:
“How do we stop the anger?”
But instead:
“What is the anger hiding?”

Need to talk about your young person?
just text or email me.
Ian Davies
07964 976711
[email protected]
www.aylesburytherapyforkids.co.uk

15/05/2026

The Two Toxic Words I Hear Every Day in Therapy

There are two words I challenge constantly in therapy sessions with children and parents: “try” and “don’t.”

They sound harmless, but both can quietly make behaviour worse.

Why “Try” Doesn’t Really Help

When a child says, “I’ll try,” it often already includes permission to fail.

“I tried” becomes the safety net.

That’s why, in therapy, we often change “I’ll try” into “I will.” If a task feels too hard, we adjust it until it feels achievable instead of overwhelming.

The same applies at home.

“Try and do your homework” is vague.
“Do the first five minutes now” is clear.

Children respond far better to certainty than pressure disguised as encouragement.

Why “Don’t” Usually Backfires

The brain focuses on the action itself.

So when you say:
“Don’t run!”

The child’s brain hears:
“Run.”

“Don’t shout.”
“Don’t tap that spoon.”
“Don’t slam the door.”

You’ve accidentally directed attention straight toward the behaviour you want to stop.

Instead, give the brain a different instruction.

“Walk next to me.”
“Use your calm voice.”
“Put the spoon on the table.”

Clear direction works better than negative correction.

Small Language Changes Create Big Behaviour Changes

This doesn’t mean children instantly become perfectly behaved.

But changing your language often reduces arguments, frustration, and emotional escalation surprisingly quickly.

Many children are not refusing to cooperate.
They’re simply responding to unclear communication patterns they hear every day.

Once you notice how often “try” and “don’t” appear in conversation, you can’t unsee it.

Ian Davies
www.aylesburytherapyforkids.co.uk
07964 976711

13/05/2026

Why Some Children Struggle to Remember Things and the Simple Trick That Changes Everything
Have you ever watched your child forget something moments after you’ve told them? Their school bag is left at home, instructions vanish into thin air, or they can only remember two things from a shopping list before getting distracted. It can be frustrating for parents and disheartening for children, especially when they begin to believe they are “bad at remembering”.
The truth is, many children struggle with memory and concentration at times. Their minds are busy places, often filled with thoughts, emotions, worries, excitement, and distractions all happening at once. Some children can naturally hold several ideas in their mind at the same time, while others need a little more support and practice to strengthen those skills.
What many people do not realise is that memory is not always about intelligence. Often, it is about confidence, engagement, and the way information is presented.
One of the simplest ways to help children improve their memory is by making the process fun.
A technique I often use with children begins with something very ordinary. I ask them to give me a list of ten random things. The objects can be absolutely anything:
Table, chair, computer, game, cat, bus, boy, carpet, book, basket.
Then I ask the child a simple question:
“Do you think you could remember all ten things in the correct order?”
Most children immediately say no.
That is usually because they have already decided they are not good at remembering things. They expect to fail before they have even tried. This is where the real change begins.
I then challenge them a little further. I tell them that not only will they remember all ten words in order, but they will also be able to say them backwards by the end.
At this point, they usually look at me as though I am completely ridiculous.
Then comes the fun part.
I create a silly, exaggerated, funny story using all ten words in order. Perhaps the cat is driving the bus while balancing a basket on its head, before crashing into a giant carpet that flies through the air and lands on a computer. The more bizarre and visual the story becomes, the better it works.
What is fascinating is that I do not tell the child to focus on memorising the words. Instead, I encourage them to focus on the story itself.
And then something amazing happens.
Almost every time, the child can suddenly recall all ten words in order. Many can even say them backwards.
You can actually see the shift happen in front of you. The child who moments earlier believed they had a “bad memory” now realises their brain is far more capable than they thought.
That moment matters.
Because improving memory is often about far more than remembering words on a list. It is about helping children trust themselves again.
Many children lose confidence quickly when they struggle in school or forget instructions regularly. Over time, they may stop trying altogether because it feels safer than getting things wrong. Some become anxious. Others avoid challenges. Some are labelled as lazy or distracted when really they simply need information presented differently.
This is why playful learning techniques can be so powerful. Stories, visual imagery, humour, movement, and emotion all help the brain create stronger connections. Children learn far more effectively when they are engaged emotionally rather than pressured to “try harder”.
Of course, this approach is not magic and it will not work perfectly every single time. Some children may resist at first, especially if they already feel embarrassed about their struggles. Others may need repetition and patience before their confidence begins to grow. If adults around them become frustrated too quickly or expect instant results, progress can slow down.
However, when children feel safe, encouraged, and successful, even in small ways, their willingness to learn often changes dramatically.
What is most powerful about this exercise is not simply the memory improvement itself. It is the feeling children walk away with afterwards.
They begin to think:
“Maybe I can do this after all.”
And sometimes, that single moment of belief can make all the difference.

Ian Davies
07964 976711
https://www.aylesburytherapyforkids.co.uk/