07/08/2026
I've been thinking a lot this week about how difficult it can be to work out whether we're moving towards something we genuinely want, or simply following through on something because it feels expected of us.
From the outside, those two experiences can look remarkably similar. Both can feel uncomfortable. Both can involve anxiety. Both might ask us to do something that doesn't come naturally. It's easy to mistake one for the other.
I wonder if that's why so many of us get stuck trying to answer the question, "What's the right thing to do?" Sometimes I think a more helpful place to start is by asking a different question altogether.
If nobody else had an opinion about this, what would I want to do?
That doesn't mean we ignore the people we care about or walk away from every difficult situation. Life is rarely that straightforward, and some of the most worthwhile things we do ask something of us. The point isn't to remove responsibility or commitment. It's to notice whether the voice guiding the decision is actually our own.
Sometimes, underneath all the expectations, obligations and fear of disappointing other people, there's a quieter voice that already knows the answer. We don't always have the freedom to act on it immediately, but simply hearing it can change how we understand the choice we're making.
Maybe one of the quieter skills we develop as we get older isn't learning how to say yes or no more often. Maybe it's learning to recognise whose voice we're listening to before we decide.
