1066 Therapy

06/07/2026

This is right although, sad to say, there's not many issues that can be healed in 100 days either.

Remember that healing is a long slow journey and there will be a lot of highs and lows that you will encounter on your journey.
It’s important to remember that this is a normal occurrence and please don’t let it discourage you because you are worth the work that it takes to truly heal 🫂
Robert 💙

25/06/2026

Some very wise words on dissociation which shows in various forms depending on how we had to adapt to overwhelming experiences as a young child. Appropriate therapy can help these issues.

12/06/2026

A post from Trauma Aware America which is very well put :)

A doctor on Facebook posted his list of "9 Rules of Mental Strength," advising his followers to:
“1. Stop taking things personally. 2. Walk away from toxic people. 3. Accept that life is unfair. 4. Keep emotions under control. 5. Learn to stay calm in chaos. 6. Stop expecting from everyone. 7. Don't beg for love or attention. 8. Focus on solutions, not problems. 9. Believe in yourself always.”
A lot of these “mental strength” lists are built around emotional suppression, isolation, and hyper-independence. From a Relational Neuroscience perspective, humans regulate through safe relationships, social support, body states, and environments that support stability. Many of these ideas confuse survival adaptations with health.
“Stop taking things personally” often becomes “ignore your own reactions.” But our reactions carry information about safety, trust, boundaries, and past experiences. The goal is not to stop feeling affected. The goal is to understand what is happening and respond with awareness instead of shame or impulsivity.
“Walk away from toxic people” makes more sense when rephrased as: reduce exposure to relationships and environments that repeatedly create fear, humiliation, instability, or harm. Some people cannot simply walk away because of economics, disability, family systems, or power dynamics.
“Accept that life is unfair” can easily become resignation. A healthier version is: recognise reality clearly while still working toward safety, justice, connection, and change.
“Keep emotions under control” is one of the biggest problems here. Emotions are not the enemy. Chronic suppression often increases stress, disconnection from the body, illness, and relational problems. Regulation is different from control. Regulation means staying connected enough to yourself and others to process feelings without becoming overwhelmed or shut down.
“Learn to stay calm in chaos” also misses context. No nervous system is designed to remain calm in chronic chaos. The real issue is creating enough safety, support, predictability, rest, and connection that the body does not have to stay in survival states all the time.
“Don’t beg for love or attention” ignores that humans require care, attunement, and belonging. Needing connection is not weakness. The problem is when people are forced into relationships where basic human needs are withheld, manipulated, or shamed.
“Focus on solutions, not problems” sounds productive but often dismisses the need to fully recognise harm, grief, systemic conditions, or unmet needs before meaningful solutions are possible.
“Believe in yourself always” places everything on the individual. People function better when they have supportive relationships, stable conditions, access to resources, and communities that help them recover and grow.
A more scientific and supportive version of “mental strength” would look something like this:
1. Pay attention to your reactions instead of shaming them.
2. Build relationships that support safety, honesty, and mutual care.
3. Recognise harmful environments and reduce exposure where possible.
4. Learn regulation instead of emotional suppression.
5. Rest and recovery are necessary, not weakness.
6. Humans need connection, belonging, and support.
7. Notice systemic conditions, not just individual choices.
8. Solutions work better when people feel safe enough to access them.
9. Self-trust grows through supportive experiences and relationships, not isolation.

30/04/2026

Very well said.

05/04/2026

A useful article on anger.

Reframe anger as a force for good.

23/12/2025

This is worth a read. You can subscribe for free to read the article. We have indeed not evolved to cope with 'modern life'. But there are other reasons/causes for chronic illnesses, especially auto-immune diseases. According to Dr Gabor Mate, these have their roots in adverse childhood experiences. His book 'When the body says no' explains this well :)

Why do so many of us suffer from chronic health problems? One reason could be modern living and exposure to constant stress that we haven’t evolved to deal with. We’ve evolved to constantly move, be in nature and face short bouts of stress—but our lives are the very reverse of that optimum sta...

15/09/2025

Appropriate therapy helps to resolve the causes of cPTSD

09/09/2025

The article is a difficult read but sadly necessary for too many people who need to understand where their issues/difficulties with adult life come from, at least in part. Appropriate therapy can help us to resolve the impacts of such conditionings and others besides. :)

When your body reacts to setting a simple boundary with the same intensity as if you'd committed a serious moral transgression, you're experiencing the aftermath of deliberate conditioning. Your narcissistic mother needed you to be endlessly available for her emotional needs, so she systematically destroyed your natural right to refuse, decline or prioritise your own wellbeing. Every time you attempted to say no as a child; to inappropriate confidences, to absorbing her emotions, you were met with punishment disguised as disappointment.

This training was methodical and thorough. She taught you that your refusal caused her pain, that your boundaries were selfish, that good daughters don't have limits. She weaponised guilt until your nervous system learnt to associate self-protection with wrongdoing. Your developing brain absorbed the message that love meant endless availability, that your worth was tied to your usefulness and that saying no was tantamount to abandoning the people who needed you.

Now, decades later, your body still floods with shame when you decline a request, even reasonable ones. You might find yourself over-explaining, apologising profusely or agreeing to things that drain you simply to avoid the crushing discomfort of potentially disappointing someone. The guilt isn't proportional to the situation because it's not really about the current request, it's about breaking a rule that was carved into your psyche when you were too young to question it.

This conditioning shows up everywhere: saying yes to social events when you're exhausted, taking on extra work when you're overwhelmed, lending money you can't afford to lose or staying in conversations that make you uncomfortable. Your internal alarm system fires at the mere thought of inconveniencing others, whilst simultaneously remaining silent about your own needs and limitations.

The cruelest part is how this programming disguises itself as virtue. You might pride yourself on being accommodating, helpful or selfless, not recognising these as symptoms of self-abandonment rather than character strengths. Meanwhile, people who had healthier upbringings set boundaries effortlessly, without the internal war you experience every time you need to protect your time, energy, or peace.

Healing means learning to distinguish between appropriate concern for others and the toxic guilt that demands you sacrifice yourself for everyone else's comfort. It means recognising that the people who respect you will accept your no without making you pay for it emotionally. Most importantly, it means understanding that your guilt response isn't moral guidance, it's a trauma symptom that needs healing, not obedience.

31/08/2025

Wise words. There's no quick fix to resolving our issues, whether that's anxiety, over-eating, low mood, addictions, relationship problems.... it takes as long as it takes :)

10/08/2025

Good explanation. it really isn't our job to parent other adults, including our adult children, or try to 'fix' their emotions, or tiptoe around them. It is our job to manage our own emotions and to decide how much time we are prepared to spend (if any) with others who persist in NOT doing this around us in the future :)