Stool Withholding Help

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Stool Withholding Help 🌟 Dr Kate McGarry 🧠 Developmental Psychologist 📖 Check out my book for support and guidance ⬇️

This post is a little different from my usual content, and perhaps one of the most personal things I’ve shared on here.I...
20/10/2026

This post is a little different from my usual content, and perhaps one of the most personal things I’ve shared on here.

I spend a lot of time talking about stool withholding from a professional perspective, sharing research, explaining behaviours and offering practical strategies to support children and their families.

But behind all of that is my own experience as a mum.

Before stool withholding became such a significant part of my professional work, I was a parent desperately trying to understand what was happening to my little girl.

I remember the fear, the frustration, the exhaustion and the feeling that nobody was really listening. I remember questioning myself constantly and wondering why, despite doing everything I was being told, things seemed to be getting worse.

Even with my background in Developmental Psychology, I struggled. And I think that says a lot about just how difficult and isolating this experience can be for families.

Our journey taught me so much, both personally and professionally. It shaped the way I understand stool withholding and reinforced just how important it is to consider the behavioural and emotional aspects alongside the physical management of constipation.

It’s also why I’m so passionate about improving understanding, challenging misconceptions and making practical, evidence-informed support more accessible to families.

I don’t share our story because I think I’ve found a solution that works for every child.

Stool withholding is complex, and every child’s experience is different.

I share it because I know what it’s like to be on the other side. To feel helpless, unheard and frightened for your child.

And while this post is a little different from what I normally share, I hope that by telling our story, even one parent in this community might feel a little more seen, understood and less alone.

Because sometimes, knowing that someone else has been through it really does matter. ❤️

20/10/2026

💩 **The constipation has been treated… so why is your child STILL struggling to poo?**

Because treating the constipation doesn't automatically treat the behaviours that have developed around pooing.

When a child has experienced painful or difficult poos, they can develop fear, anxiety and avoidance around going to the toilet.

And even when their poo is now soft and easy to pass, **those feelings don't just disappear.**

🧠 **Withholding can also become a learnt, automatic response.**

Over time, a child may become so used to holding their poo in that tightening their muscles becomes their body's automatic response to the sensation of needing a poo.

They might not even realise they're doing it!

Some children can also struggle to recognise the signals that tell them a poo is ready, particularly after prolonged constipation and withholding.

💡 **This means we need to do more than just soften the poo.**

We need to help children:

✔️ Relearn how to recognise the sensations associated with needing a poo.

✔️ Develop awareness and control of the muscles involved in pooing.

✔️ Practise relaxing and allowing the poo to come out, rather than automatically holding it in.

✔️ Build positive, predictable experiences around toileting.

✔️ Gradually overcome the fear and anxiety associated with pooing.

❤️ **Think of it as relearning a skill.**

For some children, pooing has become something they actively try to prevent rather than something they allow their body to do naturally.

Changing that response takes time, repetition, reassurance and plenty of opportunities to practise.

And importantly, continuing to keep their poo soft and comfortable while they develop these skills is essential.

**Treating the constipation is an important first step, but for some children, it's only one part of the puzzle.**

📖 **Want more support with stool withholding?**

Comment **GUIDE** below and I'll send you a DM with a link to my *Stool Withholding: A Practical Guide for Parents*, packed with practical strategies to help your child overcome withholding and develop confidence around pooing.

When children are working through poo withholding or building confidence with the toilet, keeping motivation high can ma...
19/10/2026

When children are working through poo withholding or building confidence with the toilet, keeping motivation high can make a big difference. 💩✨

A parent told me they give their child a little "poo postcard" the morning after a poo. It's a lovely way to celebrate success, reinforce positive feelings, and help maintain momentum for future sits.

I thought it was such a fantastic idea that, with their permission, I've created some FREE printable poo postcards for families to use at home.

👇 Comment POSTCARD and I'll send you the free download link via DM.

Let's spread some poo-positive vibes! 💌

💩 For more info and a link to this pack comment YES below!
17/10/2026

💩 For more info and a link to this pack comment YES below!

15/10/2026

💩 What if a little poo could help your child feel more confident about using the toilet?

For some children, pooing can feel scary, uncomfortable or overwhelming. And when those worries build up, holding poo in or avoiding the toilet can start to feel like the easier option.

That's where **Squiggy the Poo** comes in!

Squiggy is a friendly little poo who just wants to get home down the toilet, but he needs your child's help to get there!

Through a fun, interactive story, children can learn about pooing in a way that feels playful rather than pressured.

**Squiggy the Poo helps children to:**

💩 Build positive associations with pooing

💩 Feel more comfortable and confident using the potty or toilet

💩 Learn simple techniques, including bum squeezes, to help poo come out

💩 Understand that pooing is a normal part of how our bodies work

Perfect for children aged 2–6, particularly those experiencing stool withholding, constipation or toilet worries.

Written by a Developmental Psychologist, Dr Kate McGarry.

Sometimes, taking the pressure away and making pooing FUN can be an important step towards helping children feel more comfortable.

**Want to introduce your child to Squiggy?**

Comment **SQUIGGY** below and I'll DM you the link!

13/10/2026

Support for stool withholding can be incredibly hard to find. 💛

Too often, withholding is misunderstood as "bad behaviour" or a child being difficult. But withholding is usually an avoidant behaviour that makes sense when we look beneath the surface.

Your child may be navigating heightened sensations, a previous painful experience, fear, uncertainty, or simply a body that has learned to associate pooing with discomfort. When we understand the why behind the behaviour, we can respond with support rather than pressure.

That's exactly why I created this page.

Here you'll find education, practical strategies, and resources designed to help you better understand your child's withholding and feel more confident supporting them through it.

✨ Check out the link in my bio for resources to support your withholder. ✨ Visit the highlights at the top of my page for collections of posts covering the key areas of withholding.

If you're looking for more personalised support, I also offer 1:1 consultations tailored to your child's needs.

💬 Comment "YES" below and I'll send you a DM with more information about consultations.

11/10/2026

💩 The stool withholding cycle: why can it be so difficult to break?

Stool withholding doesn’t always start with constipation or a painful poo. Sometimes, a child has a negative experience around pooing, such as finding it difficult, overwhelming, frightening or uncomfortable. This can be enough to make them want to avoid doing it again.

But here’s how the cycle can develop 👇

💩 A negative poo experience: Your child finds pooing difficult, uncomfortable or overwhelming.

😟 Worry or fear: They begin to feel anxious about doing another poo and try to avoid it.

🍑 Withholding poo: They squeeze their bottom muscles or avoid letting the poo out to prevent the experience from happening again.

🔄 Constipation develops or worsens: Poo can stay in the bowel for longer, becoming harder and more difficult to pass.

😣 Another negative experience: Pooing may become even more uncomfortable, reinforcing the fear and making withholding more likely.

And even when poo is soft, the worry and avoidance can continue because the underlying fear or negative associations haven’t necessarily gone away.

This is why stool withholding isn’t simply about a child refusing to poo or needing more encouragement to sit on the potty.

We need to understand the physical, sensory and psychological factors involved to help children feel safe enough to poo again. 💛

✨ Want practical support to help your child?

Comment SUPPORT below and I’ll send you a DM with a link to my Stool Withholding: A Practical Guide for Parents, packed with evidence-based information and practical strategies to help you understand what’s happening and what you can do next.

10/10/2026

💩 **What is the Fade Out Technique?**

For some children, pooing in a nappy or pull-up has become an important part of feeling comfortable and secure. Even when they are confident using the toilet for wees, they may refuse to use it for pooing.

Simply removing the nappy is not always the answer. For children who already experience anxiety or resistance around pooing, this can increase distress and potentially reinforce withholding behaviours.

The **Fade Out Technique** is a gradual approach that supports children in moving away from their reliance on nappies or pull-ups for bowel movements.

Rather than expecting an immediate transition to the toilet, the technique involves introducing small, manageable changes over time, allowing children to develop confidence and familiarity with each stage before progressing.

The approach draws on behavioural principles such as gradual exposure, shaping and reinforcement, and is supported by research including Austin and Begotka (2024).

Importantly, the aim is not simply to remove the nappy, but to help children develop the skills, confidence and sense of security needed to poo in the toilet.

I've developed a **Fade Out Technique Support Pack** which provides step-by-step guidance on implementing this approach, alongside practical strategies and supporting resources to help families navigate the process.

💬 **If you'd like to find out more, comment PACK below and I'll send you the link.**

09/10/2026

💩 **Why do we need to TEACH children how to poo?**

When a child has been withholding poo for a long time, they can become so used to doing the OPPOSITE of what their body needs to do!

Instead of relaxing and allowing poo to come out, they may automatically tighten their muscles and hold it in.

And when they've been doing this for weeks, months or even years, we can't just expect them to suddenly know how to do something different!

We need to **TEACH them the skill of initiating and controlling a bowel movement!**

And how do we do this? 👀

💩 **BUM SQUEEZES!**

These are playful pelvic floor exercises that help children practise using, coordinating and relaxing the muscles involved in pooing.

It's about helping children learn what their muscles need to do, rather than relying on the withholding response they've become so used to!

And the best part? We can teach these skills through PLAY! 🎉

💬 **Want to know what bum squeezes are and how to teach them?**

Comment **SQUEEZE** below and I'll DM you all my posts explaining bum squeezes and how to practise them with your child!

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