17/09/2026
Are you absorbing others emotions?
There is something incredibly empowering about refusing to carry emotions that were never yours to begin with.
Someone else’s bitterness is not yours to absorb.
Their resentment is not yours to carry.
Their greed is not yours to understand.
Their jealousy is not yours to fix.
Their anger is not yours to take personally.
And their unhappiness is not yours to become responsible for.
I learnt this lesson personally a few years ago through someone I considered to be a very close friend.
At the time, I genuinely believed I knew this person. I trusted them, cared about them and valued the friendship. I was there when they needed me, asked for my help, gave my time, my energy and my support, as we should if we value true friendship.
But gradually, I began to notice things that didn’t seem true or sit comfortably with me.
I started to realise that perhaps I hadn’t known this person as well as I thought I did.
There were moments when it became apparent that the friendship was very much on their terms, when it suited them, when they needed something, or when there was something to be gained.
What I had believed was a genuine friendship began to feel more like I was being used to fulfil somebody else’s needs, wants and determination to get what they wanted.
And eventually, it all came to a head.
Sometimes it takes one particular situation for the mask to finally come off.
And when it did, I saw a side of this person that I had never wanted to believe existed.
I saw the bitterness.
I saw the resentment.
I saw the greed.
I saw the nastiness.
And perhaps the hardest part wasn’t losing the friendship.
It was accepting that the person I had believed them to be wasn’t necessarily the person they had shown themselves to be.
But with hindsight, that experience taught me something incredibly valuable.
I don’t have to carry what belongs to somebody else.
I don’t have to carry another person’s resentment because they are unhappy.
I don’t have to carry their bitterness because they haven’t dealt with something within themselves.
I don’t have to carry their anger because they are angry with me.
And I certainly don’t have to allow someone else’s unhealthy behaviour to change the person I choose to be.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I initially became incensed, outraged, incredibly angry, for quite some time I was:
Holding onto anger.
Replaying conversations.
Wondering why I hadn’t seen it sooner.
Wanting them to understand the hurt they caused.
Until eventually, putting my own work into practice, and recognising that, carrying all of that would only mean that their behaviour was still taking up space inside me.
And I didn’t want to give them that power.
There is a huge difference between understanding someone’s behaviour and excusing it.
You can recognise that someone may be carrying their own unresolved pain, insecurity, resentment or unhappiness without accepting poor behaviour from them.
You can have compassion for someone and still walk away.
You can forgive someone and still never allow them the same access to you again.
You can understand why someone behaves the way they do without allowing their behaviour to become your emotional burden.
And sometimes, the most empowering response isn’t confrontation, revenge or trying to make someone see the truth.
Sometimes it’s simply stepping back and seeing things clearly.
No drama.
No need to prove yourself.
No need to convince everybody else.
Just acceptance.
“I see you now. I understand what this relationship was. And I choose not to carry it anymore.”
That experience taught me to pay much closer attention to how people make me feel, not just to the words they say.
Because actions eventually tell us what words sometimes try to hide.
And I’ve learnt that healthy relationships don’t leave you constantly questioning.
Healthy relationships have reciprocity.
They have respect.
They have honesty.
They have boundaries.
They have genuine care that isn’t dependent on what one person can provide for the other.
So if you find yourself dealing with somebody else’s bitterness, resentment, greed or anger, take a step back.
Ask yourself:
“Is this actually mine?”
If it isn’t, give it back.
Not with anger.
Not with revenge.
Not with bitterness.
Simply by refusing to carry it.
Because one of the most empowering things you can ever learn is this:
I can acknowledge what someone did to me without allowing what they did to become a part of who I am.
Their behaviour belongs to them.
Their emotions belong to them.
Their choices belong to them.
And my peace belongs to me. 🤍
