11/12/2024
I think it's important we talk about the fear of failure and being a disappointment to ourselves or others.
For me, being a survivor of childhood/teenage emotional abuse, I was often called worthless, a disappointment, a failure, a mistake, stupid, pathetic, fat, ugly...
When you hear this day and day out from family members who were supposed to love and protect you, this became ingrained into your subconscious mind.
It made me turn to self-hatred, shame, and internalising that emotional pain through eating disorders to detach and disconnect.
However, something else this led to was a high need for "perfectionism." A fear of failing assignments, making mistakes, or getting things wrong as I would then be tormented by those voices. Those painful reminders, the flashbacks, the shame, and the fear.
But when we know better, we can do better. As we move through the cycles and seasons of our lives, we inevitably change. If we look back to look for the lessons in the pain we endure, rather than staying there or reliving it in our present narrative, we will grow too.
We will be able to see that we were doing our best, with what we knew and what we have at the time, and if it wasn't for that past version of ourselves, we wouldn't be where we are now. This acceptance dissolves all shame and fear.
Thank your old self for the journey until here.
Love and healing,
Ligia xx
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