Therapy with Tom

18/02/2026

“We’re not in crisis.”

That is often how couples start the conversation.

There is no dramatic problem.
But something does not feel easy either.

Maybe conversations circle back to the same place.
Maybe there is more distance than either of you expected.
Maybe things are “fine” but not quite how you imagined.

Couples therapy is not only for emergencies.

I have written a short article about this question and when therapy might make sense even without a crisis.

You can read it here:

Not every couple in therapy is in crisis. Most are just stuck. Learn why you don't need to be falling apart to benefit from couples counselling in Medway.

12/01/2026

Often, anger isn’t the problem.

It’s what shows up after something has been held in for too long - unspoken, unacknowledged, or pushed aside because there didn’t feel like space for it.

I wrote a bit more about this here.

Anger isn’t the problem. It’s information. A human look at what anger really is, what sits underneath it, and how to work with it rather than fight it.

24/12/2025

We often say “we communicate all the time”, yet nothing really changes.

In my work with couples, the problem is rarely a lack of talking.
It’s a lack of real listening.

Active listening is not about fixing, defending, or jumping in with solutions.
It’s about slowing down enough for your partner to feel genuinely heard.

I’ve written a new article about:
• why most couples get listening wrong
• how this fuels conflict rather than closeness
• and how to practise active listening step by step in your relationship

This is the same approach I use in couples therapy, both online and in Medway.

Read the article here:
https://therapywithtom.co.uk/why-most-couples-get-listening-wrong-and-how-to-actually-do-it/

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Często mówimy: „przecież rozmawiamy”, a mimo to nic się nie zmienia.

W pracy z parami widzę, że problemem rzadko jest brak rozmów.
Znacznie częściej chodzi o brak prawdziwego słuchania.

Aktywne słuchanie to nie naprawianie, tłumaczenie się ani szybkie rozwiązania.
To umiejętność stworzenia przestrzeni, w której partner czuje się naprawdę usłyszany.

Napisałem artykuł o tym:
• dlaczego większość par źle słucha
• jak to pogłębia konflikty zamiast je rozwiązywać
• i jak krok po kroku ćwiczyć aktywne słuchanie w związku

Przeczytasz go tutaj:
https://therapywithtom.co.uk/pl/dlaczego-wiekszosc-par-zle-slucha-i-jak-to-wreszcie-zrobic-dobrze/

There's a pattern I see almost every week in couples therapy. One partner shares something important, maybe they're upset, maybe they're hurt, maybe they're jus

23/12/2025

However you're spending Christmas—with loved ones, on your own, or somewhere in between—I hope it brings you what you need. Connection, quiet, rest, or just getting through it. All of it's okay. Be gentle with yourselves. 🤍