Therapy with Tom

18/02/2026

“We’re not in crisis.”

That is often how couples start the conversation.

There is no dramatic problem.
But something does not feel easy either.

Maybe conversations circle back to the same place.
Maybe there is more distance than either of you expected.
Maybe things are “fine” but not quite how you imagined.

Couples therapy is not only for emergencies.

I have written a short article about this question and when therapy might make sense even without a crisis.

You can read it here:

Not every couple in therapy is in crisis. Most are just stuck. Learn why you don't need to be falling apart to benefit from couples counselling in Medway.

12/01/2026

Often, anger isn’t the problem.

It’s what shows up after something has been held in for too long - unspoken, unacknowledged, or pushed aside because there didn’t feel like space for it.

I wrote a bit more about this here.

Anger isn’t the problem. It’s information. A human look at what anger really is, what sits underneath it, and how to work with it rather than fight it.

24/12/2025

We often say “we communicate all the time”, yet nothing really changes.

In my work with couples, the problem is rarely a lack of talking.
It’s a lack of real listening.

Active listening is not about fixing, defending, or jumping in with solutions.
It’s about slowing down enough for your partner to feel genuinely heard.

I’ve written a new article about:
• why most couples get listening wrong
• how this fuels conflict rather than closeness
• and how to practise active listening step by step in your relationship

This is the same approach I use in couples therapy, both online and in Medway.

Read the article here:
https://therapywithtom.co.uk/why-most-couples-get-listening-wrong-and-how-to-actually-do-it/

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Często mówimy: „przecież rozmawiamy”, a mimo to nic się nie zmienia.

W pracy z parami widzę, że problemem rzadko jest brak rozmów.
Znacznie częściej chodzi o brak prawdziwego słuchania.

Aktywne słuchanie to nie naprawianie, tłumaczenie się ani szybkie rozwiązania.
To umiejętność stworzenia przestrzeni, w której partner czuje się naprawdę usłyszany.

Napisałem artykuł o tym:
• dlaczego większość par źle słucha
• jak to pogłębia konflikty zamiast je rozwiązywać
• i jak krok po kroku ćwiczyć aktywne słuchanie w związku

Przeczytasz go tutaj:
https://therapywithtom.co.uk/pl/dlaczego-wiekszosc-par-zle-slucha-i-jak-to-wreszcie-zrobic-dobrze/

There's a pattern I see almost every week in couples therapy. One partner shares something important, maybe they're upset, maybe they're hurt, maybe they're jus

23/12/2025

However you're spending Christmas—with loved ones, on your own, or somewhere in between—I hope it brings you what you need. Connection, quiet, rest, or just getting through it. All of it's okay. Be gentle with yourselves. 🤍

19/10/2025

Why do so many men wait until they're at breaking point?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. In my practice here in Medway, I see it week after week—men who've been carrying things alone for months, sometimes years, before they finally reach out.

There's something about how we're raised, isn't there? That voice that says "deal with it," "don't burden anyone," "you should be stronger than this."
I've written something about this—not as an expert looking down, but as someone who's sat with men going through it, and who's had his own struggles with asking for help. It's about what actually stops men from reaching out, what happens when they finally do, and why therapy doesn't have to feel like admitting defeat.

If you're someone who's been wondering whether therapy might help, or if you know a man who's been struggling quietly, maybe give it a read. Sometimes just knowing other people get it makes a difference.

Link in comments.

11/06/2025

Trauma isn’t always loud.
It doesn’t always come from one big, terrible event.
Sometimes it builds slowly — in homes that were emotionally cold, in workplaces where your efforts went unseen, in relationships that made you doubt yourself.

It’s the kind of pain that’s easy to dismiss. Even easier to carry alone.

This new article explores subtle, ongoing trauma: how it shapes us, how it hides, and how healing can begin.

You don’t need a diagnosis. You don’t need the perfect story.
You just need to feel the truth of your own experience — and let that be enough.

👉 Read the full piece:

Trauma isn’t always loud. Explore how subtle, chronic wounds can shape adult life — and how healing begins with recognition, not diagnosis.

27/05/2025

🧠 Ever tried a mental health app? Used ChatGPT when you felt stuck?

You're not alone — and you’re not wrong to be curious. More people are turning to tech to feel better, but the question remains: does it actually help?

In this article, I look at:
💬 The tools clients talk about most
📱 What’s useful vs. what’s hype
👣 How to explore tech without pressure

Therapy isn’t about doing more. It’s about finding what fits — and letting the rest go.

📖 Read here:

Not all mental health tools are created equal. A Medway-based therapist explores what digital tools support therapy — and what just gets in the way.

23/12/2024

✨ Holiday Wishes from Therapy with Tom ✨

As the year winds down, I want to take a moment to thank all of you who have shared your journeys with me this year. It’s been a privilege to walk alongside you through moments of growth, healing, and self-discovery.

The holidays can be a mix of joy and challenge – so take time to rest, reflect, and honour how far you've come.

🌟 Wishing you peace, warmth, and gentle moments this festive season. 🌟
I look forward to continuing this journey with you in 2025.

Take care of yourselves,
Tom

08/11/2024

How Childhood Shapes Our Relationships

Our childhood experiences can have a profound effect on how we connect with others as adults. From secure to avoidant, each attachment style tells a story about our early relationships and how we interact with those closest to us now. Understanding your attachment style can open doors to healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Curious about what your attachment style says about you? I’ve just published an article exploring these patterns and how they shape our adult relationships. Take a look and learn more about how understanding attachment styles can support your journey to better relationships. 🌱

Nasze doświadczenia z dzieciństwa mogą znacząco wpływać na to, jak łączymy się z innymi w dorosłym życiu. Od bezpiecznego do unikającego – każdy styl przywiązania opowiada historię o naszych wczesnych relacjach i o tym, jak wchodzimy w bliskie relacje teraz. Zrozumienie swojego stylu przywiązania może otworzyć drzwi do zdrowszych i bardziej satysfakcjonujących relacji.

Ciekawi Cię, co Twój styl przywiązania mówi o Tobie? Właśnie opublikowałem artykuł, który bada te wzorce i ich wpływ na nasze dorosłe relacje. Zapraszam do lektury i odkrycia, jak zrozumienie stylów przywiązania może wspierać Twoją drogę do lepszych relacji. 🌱

Attachment Styles Explained: How Your Childhood Impacts Adult Relationships Mental Health , Therapy First published: 08/11/2024 Last updated: 08/11/2024 Underst

07/11/2024

Hello, everyone! 🌿 I know it’s been a while since I last posted, and I apologize for the silence. My practice has been incredibly busy lately, working closely with clients to support them on their mental health journeys.

But I’m excited to share something new! I’ve just published an article exploring how mental health tech is evolving and the fascinating role of virtual reality and AI in modern therapy. From creating immersive therapy experiences to using AI for deeper insights, these tools are transforming how we approach mental health.

📖 You can read the article in English here: Understanding Mental Health Tech: How Virtual Reality and AI are Changing Therapy https://therapywithtom.co.uk/understanding-mental-health-tech-how-virtual-reality-and-ai-are-changing-therapy/

I’d love for you to check it out and share your thoughts! Technology is opening up so many possibilities in mental health care, and I’m thrilled to be part of this journey with you. 🌱

Cześć wszystkim! 🌿 Wiem, że minęło trochę czasu od ostatniego postu i przepraszam za tę ciszę. Moja praktyka zajmuje ostatnio bardzo dużo czasu.

Ale mam dla Was coś nowego! Właśnie opublikowałem artykuł, w którym przyglądam się, jak technologia zmienia terapię, a w szczególności jak wirtualna rzeczywistość i sztuczna inteligencja pomagają w pracy nad zdrowiem psychicznym. Te narzędzia zmieniają sposób, w jaki podchodzimy do terapii, tworząc nowe możliwości i perspektywy.

Zachęcam do przeczytania i podzielenia się swoimi przemyśleniami! Technologia otwiera nowe możliwości w terapii, a ja cieszę się, że mogę być częścią tej podróży z Wami. 🌱 https://therapywithtom.co.uk/pl/jak-wirtualna-rzeczywistosc-i-sztuczna-inteligencja-zmieniaja-terapie/

30/08/2024

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but with the right support, challenges can become opportunities for growth. At Therapy with Tom, I offer Couples Counselling designed to help you and your partner strengthen your bond, improve communication, and work through difficulties together. Whether you're facing specific issues or just want to deepen your connection, I'm here to help. Learn more about how couples therapy can benefit your relationship. ❤️

https://therapywithtom.co.uk/services/couples-therapy/

Każdy związek ma swoje wzloty i upadki, ale dzięki odpowiedniemu wsparciu, wyzwania mogą stać się szansą na rozwój. W Therapy with Tom oferuję terapię dla par, która ma na celu wzmocnienie Waszej więzi, poprawę komunikacji i wspólne pokonywanie trudności. Niezależnie od tego, czy stawiacie czoła konkretnym problemom, czy po prostu chcecie pogłębić swoją relację, jestem tutaj, aby pomóc. Dowiedz się więcej, jak terapia dla par może wpłynąć na Wasz związek. ❤️

https://therapywithtom.co.uk/pl/services/terapia-dla-par/