14/06/2026
The power of wondering instead of asking questions
One of the most powerful communication strategies I use, both at work and in everyday life, is wondering rather than asking direct questions. Questions can create pressure. They can feel like a demand. They often come with an unspoken expectation that the other person should answer, explain themselves, or engage right now.
Wondering is different. Wondering leaves space.
Last week, my granddaughter really wanted to stay with her mum, but she was doing something that meant she couldn’t take her. My grand-daughter was coming in the car with me instead. I could see in the rear-view mirror that she was cross. I knew that if I asked direct questions, she probably wouldn’t want to answer.
So I didn’t ask. Instead, I talked to myself and wondered aloud what she might like to do later that day.
Almost immediately, a little voice piped up from the back of the car telling me exactly what she wanted to do. Connection restored. Pressure gone.
I see this happen all the time in my work too. When we reduce demands, avoid intense eye contact, stop putting people on the spot and simply become curious, communication often appears when it feels safe to do so.
Sometimes the fastest way to get someone talking is to stop asking them to. Communication grows best in the space between pressure and curiosity. So next time you’re tempted to ask another question, try wondering instead.
It works beautifully with anxious children, autistic children, teenagers with selective mutism, and quite a lot of adults too. 😀
