03/09/2026
Thursday Thoughts 💭
Let’s talk about Limerence…
Until a few weeks I will be completely honest, I’d never even heard of the word. A client came for therapy and said they suffered with this in a previous relationship.
Once they explained it to me I was then able to go away and do my own research.
It made complete sense and also why a neurodivergent brain may suffer with this more.
So what is it?
Limerence is the intense, involuntary, obsessive state of romantic infatuation where your mind and body lock onto someone with a mix of longing, idealisation, and emotional urgency. It’s not “just a crush” its not stalking territory, it’s a neuropsychological state with its own chemistry, patterns, and emotional logic.
It is an Intense emotional fixation, intrusive thoughts, replaying moments, imagining scenarios.
Heightened longing, a powerful pull toward the person, often disproportionate to the actual relationship.
Idealisation — seeing them as symbolic, perfect, or uniquely significant.
Reciprocity sensitivity, tiny signs of interest, messages, texts feel euphoric; tiny signs of withdrawal feel devastating and emotions quickly rise to the surface.
What limerence feels like
A rush of dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin
A sense of recognition or “this person is important”
A mix of desire, anxiety, hope, and fear
A feeling of being activated, awakened, or emotionally lit up
It often feels spiritual, fated, soul mate recognition or symbolic, especially for neurodivergent or highly intuitive people.
Why limerence happens
Attachment activation, especially when someone is inconsistent or emotionally unavailable.
Unmet emotional needs, the person becomes a symbol of something you’re longing for.
Nervous system recognition your body responds before your logic does.
Fantasy bonding the connection becomes a psychological “safe place,” even if the real relationship is unstable.
Limerence vs love
Love is stable, reciprocal, grounded. Limerence is intense, consuming, and dependent on uncertainty. It’s a feed back loop that the nervous system gets hooked on but like an addiction.
Love grows through presence.
Limerence grows through ambiguity.
⚡️The most important truth⚡️
Limerence isn’t about them.
It’s about what they awaken in you. They become the catalyst for:
• your longing
• your unmet needs
• your emotional depth
• your symbolic memory
• your nervous system patterns
• your desire to be seen
The intensity is real, but the source is internal.
So thank you lovely client for allowing me greater insight into this fascinating topic. I can now support more clients who may present with this.
fans Mind Counselling Directory YoungMinds Psychology Today
