Bec Haynes Therapy

12/10/2026

Can you have relationship counselling on your own?

When we think about relationship counselling, we often imagine two people sitting together in a therapy room. But relationships can be at the heart of counselling even when only one person comes.

Perhaps your partner doesn’t want to attend counselling. Perhaps you’re questioning whether to stay in a relationship, trying to make sense of a separation, or noticing patterns that keep appearing in your relationships.

And it isn’t always about romantic relationships. Difficulties with family members, friends or colleagues can leave us feeling equally hurt, confused or stuck.

I’ve written a new article for Counselling Directory exploring how individual counselling can help us understand our relationships, our responses and the choices available to us.

You can read it here:  https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/can-i-have-relationship-counselling-on-my-own? 🌿

02/10/2026

Love this from Action for Happiness this morning. Spread that kindness around you. It really does make a difference in this world 💖🌸💖

27/09/2026

We’ve just passed the autumn equinox and the change of seasons can be a gentle reminder that we’re allowed to change too.

We can outgrow old ways of coping, relationships can shift, priorities can change, and things that once felt right for us may no longer fit.

Sometimes we hold tightly to the person we think we should be, rather than becoming curious about who we are now.

Autumn reminds us that letting go isn’t always about loss.

Sometimes it creates space for something new 🍁🍂

19/09/2026

September can feel like a bit of a reset. 🍂

There’s something about this time of year that can make us take stock.

Summer is ending, routines are returning, the days are beginning to change — and sometimes we notice things that were easier to put to one side when life felt busier or lighter.

Maybe you’ve been feeling anxious, overwhelmed or simply not quite yourself.

Maybe something in a relationship has been troubling you — you’ve become disconnected, keep getting caught in the same arguments, or find yourself wondering what you actually want.

Or perhaps nothing is obviously wrong, but there’s a sense that something needs attention.

Counselling doesn’t have to begin with a crisis. Sometimes it begins with curiosity:

What’s going on for me at the moment?
What do I need?
Is there something I’d like to be different?

September might not need to be about reinventing yourself.

It can simply be a good time to notice where you are. 🍂

04/09/2026

A little bit of the garden at Woodlands Natural Health Centre came into my therapy room with me today 🌿💜

I picked some lavender, rosemary and a few flowers from the garden outside and popped them into this little vase.

I love having natural things in the room, but lavender and rosemary bring more than just colour. Scent can have a surprisingly powerful effect on how we feel — lavender is associated with calm and relaxation, while rosemary is often linked with alertness and memory.

Therapy isn’t only about what we think and say. Our surroundings, our senses and the small things that help us feel settled and present matter too.

And they smell rather lovely. 😊

28/08/2026

I’m really pleased to have had another article published by Counselling Directory.

After an affair, there can be enormous pressure to “move on” — particularly when there have already been apologies, explanations and promises that it won’t happen again.

But rebuilding trust is rarely that simple.

In this article, I look at why the questions can keep coming, why the partner who had the affair can start to feel overwhelmed or defensive, and how couples can become caught in a painful cycle that leaves neither of them feeling safe.

I also explore what rebuilding trust can actually involve — and why couples counselling doesn’t necessarily mean deciding that the relationship must be saved.

After an affair: why ‘just moving on’ doesn’t rebuild trust

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/after-an-affair-why-just-moving-on-doesnt-rebuild-trust?

20/08/2026

“I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”

It’s something I hear surprisingly often when women talk about menopause — and something I understand personally too.

We hear so much about the physical symptoms of menopause, but sometimes the emotional changes can be much harder to make sense of. You might feel more anxious, angry or overwhelmed. Your confidence may disappear. You might even start questioning parts of your life that previously felt settled.

I’ve written a new blog post about that strange experience of not quite recognising yourself — and why perhaps the aim isn’t always to find our way back to the person we were before. 💗

"I just don’t feel like myself anymore.” It’s a phrase I hear surprisingly often when women talk about menopause. And it’s something I understand personally too. We hear a great deal about the physical symptoms of perimenopause and menopause — hot flushes, disrupted sleep, changes to our b...

12/08/2026

Sometimes in relationships the argument isn’t really about the thing you’re arguing about.

The washing up.
Money.
Who organised Christmas.
How much time you spend on your phone.
Whose family you see at the weekend.

Couples can find themselves having versions of the same argument again and again — and wondering why they never seem to resolve it.

Often, that’s because there’s something deeper underneath.

Do I matter to you?
Can I rely on you?
Are my needs important too?
Do you really understand me?
Are we still a team?

In couples counselling, I’m interested not only in what you’re arguing about, but in what happens between you when things become difficult — and what each of you might be trying to protect, ask for or communicate underneath the conflict.

Understanding that can be the beginning of doing something different. 🌿

09/08/2026

Come and join us for the next Menopause Cafe in Derby - laugh, cry, share, listen - everything is welcome.

Come just as you are 🩷

Join us for a relaxed chat about menopause. Everyone is welcome, regardless of age or where you are on your journey

05/08/2026

“What’s wrong with me?”

It’s a question so many people ask themselves.

Why do I keep repeating the same patterns?
Why do I react so strongly?
Why do I keep putting everyone else first?
Why do I understand why I do it… but still can’t seem to change?

One of the things I love about Compassionate Inquiry, developed by Dr Gabor Maté, is that it gently shifts the question.

Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, it asks:

“What happened to me?”

Rather than seeing our thoughts, feelings and behaviours as flaws, Compassionate Inquiry helps us understand how they may have developed as ways of coping, adapting or protecting ourselves.

When we begin to meet ourselves with curiosity instead of judgement, something often starts to change.

This approach has become a huge inspiration in my own work as a therapist, and I’m excited to be deepening my training through the Compassionate Inquiry Mentorship Programme.

🩷❤️🩷