12/08/2026
An honest post from deep within.
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on the relationships I’ve had throughout my life and the roles I’ve allowed myself to take within them.
For much of my life, I’ve felt controlled by others. I used to wonder whether that meant I had simply chosen the wrong people. But I don’t believe that anymore. They were the right people for what I needed at that particular point in my life. Every relationship taught me something, even when the lesson came at a cost.
As I’ve grown, so has my confidence. I’ve learned to think for myself, speak for myself and stand on my own two feet. And with that growth came a difficult realisation: when you change, some people struggle with the fact that you no longer fit the position they had created for you in their life.
I’ve also spent a lot of my life helping others through their struggles. I’ve been the person people turn to when they need support, reassurance, practical help or someone to carry some of their weight.
Recently, someone told me that they needed me in their life.
And something about that word stopped me in my tracks.
I realised that for so long, I have felt needed, but I’m not sure I have ever truly felt wanted.
There is a difference.
I don’t want my value in someone’s life to come from what I can do for them, what I can fix for them, how much responsibility I can carry, or how much of myself I’m willing to sacrifice.
I don’t want to be needed because someone wants control, or because my independence threatens the role they expected me to play. Equally, I don’t want to be needed because someone has become dependent on me doing everything for them rather than learning to stand on their own two feet.
I want relationships where people choose me simply because they want me there.
Not for what I provide.
Not for what I fix.
Not for what I carry.
Not because they need something from me.
Just because I am me.
After almost hitting rock bottom again, and dealing with the consequences of that this past week, I’ve made myself a promise:
I will never knowingly allow anyone to make me feel that way again.
I know I can’t force anyone to want me in their life, and I wouldn’t want to.
But I can decide what I’m willing to accept in mine.
I will always care deeply. I will always help where I can. That part of me isn’t something I want to lose.
But I’m learning that being a good person doesn’t mean abandoning yourself for everyone else.
So from now on, I’m choosing relationships where I am valued, respected and wanted — not simply needed.
And perhaps, most importantly, I’m finally learning to choose myself too.