06/02/2021
I’ve seen a lot of chatter about the importance of “getting out of your comfort zone” recently. Sure, life is perhaps less fulfilling if we don’t occasionally do something that scares or stretches us a bit. But if we are going to talk about pushing ourselves, I think it’s important to think about our ability to cope while challenged or afraid. Despite what we may think, our ability to cope with things has a limit. There comes a point where our hands reach the bottom of the bag, and there’s just nothing left. No tools, no skills, nothing. This can happen because the situation is so unbelievably challenging that our skills can’t possibly match the demands of the situation, the tools in the bag aren’t fit for purpose. It can also happen because we’ve been using those resources in the bag gradually over time. With each use, we are gradually depleted or emptied - until there’s nothing left.
Once that bag is empty? That’s it. No more coping, until you somehow replenish your supplies. There’s only stress responses (fight/flight/freeze) which take you away from rational thoughts and into deep emotional responses (fear, anger, tears...). So if we are going to leave our “comfort zone”, we need to make sure we have the stuff we need in the bag to cope with the situation. If the bag is feeling light or empty, or doesn’t have what you’ll need - then now isn’t the time to push. Now is the time to rest, take stock, and see how to get the tools needed for your next steps. There’s a time and a place to push - it doesn’t have to be now. It doesn’t mean you are running away, weak, or failing - it just means your bag is empty. I’ll talk more about what happens when the bag is empty, and how to deal with it in the next few days!
