11/06/2026
💙 Every Child Should Come With a User Manual 💙
With permission from one of our OctoPLUS families, we'd like to share something special.
Recently, we found ourselves reflecting deeply on how best to support one of our swimmers. Lots of conversations were happening behind the scenes between teachers and parent. We were exploring what was working, what wasn't, and how we could adapt our approach to better meet the child's needs.
Together, we came up with a slightly unusual plan. Instead of the child coming to swimming lessons...
Mum came to learn to swim. The lesson became hers.
The child became the teacher. And honestly?
It was one of the best lessons we've had with this child.
Not because of the swimming skills that were achieved, but because everyone left feeling successful, connected and understood.
Following those conversations, Mum shared a document she had written about her child.
As I read it, I found myself tearing up and thinking:
" I wish every child should come with a user manual like this".
Not just autistic or ADHD children. Not just PDA children.
Every child.
Because what this document does so beautifully is help adults understand the child behind the behaviour.
We're sharing it exactly as Mum wrote it, because we think her words speak for themselves. I have changed the name of the child to Sam.
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About Me:
Sam is an autistic young person with a demand-avoidant profile (PDA), ADHD, dyspraxia, sensory processing differences and significant anxiety.
When Sam feels safe, understood and connected, he is capable, thoughtful, funny, curious and resilient.
When he appears avoidant, oppositional or disengaged, this is usually a sign that he is feeling overwhelmed, anxious or unsafe rather than unwilling. He has said “I actually want to do it, just something is stopping me from doing it and I don't know why”.
Our Approach
✓ Connection before correction
✓ Relationship before compliance
✓ Safety before achievement
✓ Curiosity before judgement
✓ Collaboration before control
Rather than asking:
"How do we stop this behaviour?"
we ask:
"What might Sam be telling us?"
What Helps Sam:
- Warm, calm adults
- Low-demand communication
- Genuine choices
- Processing time
- Humour
- Predictability where possible
- Being listened to
- Having an escape route when anxious
- Feeling understood rather than judged
- A sense of being on the same team
What Doesn't Help:
- Pressure
- Repeated reminders
- Being rushed
- Unexpected changes without support
- Discussions during distress
- Focus on compliance
- Comparisons with peers
- Hierarchy
Progress is not always visible through attendance, work completed or participation.
For Sam, progress may look like:
☐ He left the house voluntarily
☐ He visited a new place
☐ He spoke to a new adult
☐ He connected with someone
☐ He tolerated uncertainty
☐ He felt uncertain but did it anyway
☐ He tried something new
☐ He accepted support
☐ He spoke about his worries
☐ He allowed a conversation about education
☐ He was able to focus and listen, even briefly
☐ He recovered from distress more quickly
☐ He talked about the future
Please look beyond outcomes and consider:
- How much courage did this take?
- What barriers did Sam overcome?
- What strengths did he show?
- What support helped him succeed?
- What can we learn from today?
Every positive interaction matters.
We are not trying to make Sam fit into the world.
We are helping him build the confidence, safety and trust he needs to engage with it.
The relationship is the intervention.
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The relationship is the intervention. I want to just repeat that and let it sink in.
Reading this reminded us that progress isn't always measured in metres swum, badges achieved or skills mastered.
Sometimes progress looks like:
💙 Getting into the car.
💙 Walking through the door.
💙 Entering the pool area.
💙 Giving something a go.
💙 Recovering more quickly after a difficult moment.
💙 Feeling safe enough to come back next week.
As swim teachers, we often get just 30 minutes a week with a child. Parents hold years of knowledge.
When we work together, sharing observations, ideas, concerns and successes, incredible things can happen.
So here's a question for families:
If your child came with a user manual, what would it say?
What helps them thrive?
What makes life harder?
What does success look like for them?
And perhaps most importantly...
Who are they when they feel safe?
Thank you to this wonderful family for allowing us to share their words and helping us all learn a little more about seeing the child before the challenge.
💙🐙
