Balanced Thoughts CBT

25/08/2026

Maybe there’s something you’d really like to do:
Change career
Go back to studying
Travel somewhere on your own
Start a business
Or maybe you have an opinion you’d really like to voice, but you stay quiet
Because what if people laugh!
What if they disagree?
What if they think your plans are unrealistic?
What if their reaction leaves you feeling silly for suggesting it?
Sometimes staying quiet or keeping our plans to ourselves feels safer than risking criticism.

If someone tramples over our ideas or opinions, we might feel embarrassed or even ashamed: “Why did I say anything? They must think I’m really stupid”
So the next time staying quiet can feel safer.

The problem is that avoiding that feeling can reinforce the belief that being criticised or disagreed with is something we can’t cope with, so over time we make ourselves smaller and quieter and start showing less and less of who we really are. And that can come at a cost to our wellbeing. Constantly monitoring ourselves and trying to avoid other people’s disapproval is exhausting and can gradually chip away at our self esteem and confidence.

We can never guarantee that we won’t be criticised or disagreed with, but we can learn to tolerate somebody else’s reaction without turning it into a judgement of ourselves

Someone thinking your idea or opinion is rubbish doesn’t mean it is actually rubbish

Read that again.

What would you say or do if you weren’t worried about what other people might think?

09/08/2026

You read it.
Then you read it again.
You change a word.
Add an emoji.
Delete the emoji.
Read it over one more time.
Finally, you press send…
…only to spend the next few hours worrying that you might have annoyed someone, said something stupid, or have maybe been misunderstood
We think that if we just check one more time, we’ll be certain that we’ve got it right.
The problem is that certainty rarely comes. Instead, the constant checking teaches us that uncertainty must be dangerous, making us want to check even more next time.
If you want to reduce anxiety in the long term, try this:
The next time you send a message, read it once to make sure it makes sense and there are no obvious mistakes, then hit send.
No rereading, rewriting or adjusting it needlessly.
Then see what happens.
You might feel more anxious at first. That’s because you’re doing something different and allowing uncertainty to remain.
But over time you’re teaching your brain something important: you don’t need to feel completely certain before you act.
Constant checking might give you a little reassurance in the moment, but it usually keeps the cycle of anxiety going.
It’s learning to be ok with uncertainty that reduces anxiety in the long term.
Try it.

03/08/2026

You post a message on a WhatsApp group.
Time goes by and nobody replies
Before long, your mind starts filling in the blanks:
“Have I upset someone?”
“Do they all think it was a stupid thing to say?”
“Are they all annoyed with me?”
“Do they not like me?”
It’s understandable, uncertainty can be difficult to cope with, so when we don’t have an explanation, we often fill in the gaps to try and make sense of what is happening.
The thing is, there are countless reasons why someone might not have replied: They might be busy, have forgotten, be planning to respond later, or simply don’t know what to say. It’s also possible that they’ve chosen not to reply.
We don’t know the answer so we often assume that the worse case scenario is the most likely explanation, even when we have little evidence to support that explanation.
The next time this happens, try asking yourself:
“What evidence supports this assumption “
And
“What evidence is there against it’
Then
“Is there a more balanced explanation “
Learning to tolerate uncertainty isn’t easy, but it can help us step back from our automatic assumption and respond with curiosity rather than fear

28/07/2026

When we notice ourselves searching for answers to almost everything:

A new symptom
The meaning of a text message
A decision
A strange feeling
All possible outcomes of a given situation

We can tell ourselves that we’re “just checking “
Sometimes that’s true

But sometimes we’re looking for something much deeper than information

We’re looking for certainty

When life feels uncertain, Googling can give us a temporary sense of relief. For a moment, it feels as though we’ve found the answer.

The problem is that certainty rarely lasts.
A few minutes later another question pops into our head… “But what if…?”

And before long we’re searching again.

Over time, our brain learns:
‘Whenever I feel uncertain, I need to find the answer immediately “

Rather than reducing anxiety, it can actually strengthen it.

Instead of asking:
“How can I know for certain?”

It can sometimes help to ask:
“Can I tolerate not knowing this right now?”

Learning to live with uncertainty isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to reduce anxiety over time.

16/07/2026

Do you replay past conversations, worrying that you said the wrong thing?

Do you sometimes keep your plans to yourself because you're afraid someone might criticise them?

Or stay quiet rather than voice your opinion, in case it's criticised, ridiculed or ignored?

It's understandable. Humans are social beings, and we're wired to seek connection and acceptance. At one point in our evolutionary history, belonging to a group may have been essential for survival.

We still want to feel accepted today, and many people fear rejection or assume that others will judge them negatively.

This only becomes a problem when fear of judgement starts influencing your decisions more than your own needs and values.

If this sounds familiar, it can help to pause and ask yourself:

What evidence do I have that they will judge or reject me?
Just because I think something doesn't necessarily mean it's true.

• And even if they disagree with me, does that mean I have done something wrong?

• Whose opinion am I giving so much weight to—and have they earned that place in my life?

We may never completely stop caring what other people think—and we probably wouldn't want to. But we can learn to stop letting fear of other people’s opinions control the choices we make or the way we live our lives

09/07/2026

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, nothing bad is happening, but I still can’t relax
These are questions I hear surprisingly often

Many people assume that if life is calm, they should automatically feel calm too. But when we spend a long time living with stress and anxiety, our brains can get used to scanning for danger and gets very good at trying to protect you. Luckily , our brain can learn. By gradually reducing safety behaviours, responding differently to worry and practicing new ways of responding to anxious thoughts, it is possible to break out of a state of constant alert
Does this resonate?

04/07/2026

It might seem like an unusual question but many people find the hardest part isn’t always the actual outcome.
It’s the waiting.
The not knowing.
When we don’t know what’s going to happen, our minds try to reduce the uncertainty, so we find ourselves replaying conversations, seeking reassurance, researching possible scenarios or trying to predict every possible outcome.
Although these strategies can bring temporary relief, in the long term they often keep us stuck in an anxiety loop because they reinforce the idea that we need to be certain before we can feel ok.
This is impossible because life is uncertain.
One of the aims of CBT is to help us develop confidence in our ability to cope, even when we don’t have all the answers.
Have you noticed yourself wanting certainty more than anything else?
Balancedthoughtscounselling.co.uk

28/06/2026

Do you frequently find yourself thinking:
“They seem annoyed with me” or
“I must have said something wrong”
For lots of people who struggle with anxiety or overthinking, these thoughts can be very real.
Often this is because we are making sense of the present through past experiences.
Over time our experiences shape the beliefs and expectations we develop about ourselves, other people and the world around us and this influences how we interpret present situations , without us even realising it.
It’s your mind’s way of trying to make sense of the present using what it has learned from the past.
CBT helps us to notice these automatic assumptions and, rather than just accepting them as facts, ask:
“What evidence do I have”
“is there another explanation?”
“Am I responding to what my mind has learned from the past, rather than what is happening now?”
Learning to stop and question anxious thoughts gives you the opportunity to see the situation more clearly and respond in a more balanced way
If this is familiar, you’re not alone ❤️
Balancedthoughtscounselling.co.uk

23/06/2026