11/08/2026
“Have you tried less screen time? Better boundaries? Sleep hygiene?”
These might seen like innocent questions but, for the parents of neurodivergent children, these comments can land very differently.
Why? Because these families are already carrying a whole load of shame.
Shame that their child isn’t managing school like everyone else.
Shame about meltdowns, missed appointments, the impact on siblings.
Shame about worrying they missed something or should have noticed sooner.
When they arrive in a healthcare setting, often exhausted, helpless, scared and hoping someone will help them make sense of what is happening, our questions and attitudes can unintentionally add to that shame.
When we suggest a parenting strategy without understanding what life at home really looks like or use language that positions behaviour as something to be managed rather that communication, parents can leave feeling like they have failed.
Like they or their child is somehow the problem.
What if instead we started with curiosity?
"What are things like for you right now?" "What feels hard?" "What have you tried?" "What do you think your child is trying to tell us?"
And importantly, "What might make things feel a little bit easier?"
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do as a health professional is offer the experience of being listened to without judgement.
Parents don’t need another reason to feel ashamed. They need someone alongside them to help them understand their child.
I'm very excited to start some brand new sessions with paediatrician and primary school teacher Dr Jess Morgan, we already have some training booked for the autumn with GPs who want to gain a better understanding of what we face as neurodivergent families. We also have some big conferences in the pipeline and some other opportunities ahead, I'll keep you posted!
