12/08/2026
**WHAT ACTUALLY IS TRAUMA?**
When we hear the word trauma, we often think of something catastrophic.
Abuse. Violence. A serious accident. Bereavement.
And yes, these experiences can be traumatic.
But trauma can also be much quieter than that.
A simple way I often describe trauma is:
**Too much, too soon - or too little, for too long.**
“Too much, too soon” might be an experience that overwhelmed your ability to cope at the time.
An accident. A frightening medical procedure. Bullying. Sudden loss. An explosive or unpredictable parent.
But then there's **“too little, for too long.”**
Too little emotional connection. Comfort. Reassurance. Safety. Validation.
Perhaps you were told, “Stop crying.”
Maybe nobody asked how you felt.
Perhaps you learned that being good, quiet or helpful kept everybody happy.
Maybe your physical needs were met, but emotionally you often felt alone.
There doesn't always need to be one big event you can point to and say, **“THAT was my trauma.”**
Sometimes it's the accumulation of experiences your nervous system had to adapt to.
And two people can experience the same event very differently. Trauma isn't simply about what happened - it's also about how overwhelming it was for *you* and the support you had around you.
So instead of asking:
**“Was what happened to me bad enough to count as trauma?”**
Try asking:
**“What did my nervous system have to learn in order to cope?”**
The people pleasing. Hyper-independence. Anxiety. Perfectionism. Need for control. Shutting down.
These may not be personality flaws.
**They may be adaptations.**
And understanding why they developed can be the beginning of working *with* yourself instead of constantly fighting yourself.
Next: **“But nothing THAT bad happened to me...”**
💛 If this has made you look at trauma differently, comment **RELATE** or save this series to come back to.
