21/10/2026
“Well, they’ve always been lovely to me.”
And what?
People are perfectly capable of being kind, generous and lovely to one person while being abusive to somebody else.
But I think there’s something else going on here.
Some people aren’t particularly interested in hearing anything that challenges what they believe about someone they like.
They want their experience of that person to be the truth about who that person is.
And when someone comes along with a very different experience, rather than listening, they start defending.
Because accepting that someone they think is wonderful could also be cruel, dishonest or abusive means they might have to question their own judgement.
And some people would rather question your experience than question their opinion of somebody else.
Which I think is pretty disgusting, actually.
Because here’s someone telling you they’ve been hurt, possibly badly, by another person.
And instead of showing a bit of compassion, asking if they’re OK or even just bloody listening, you’re busy defending the person they’re telling you about.
Reminding them how lovely that person has always been to you.
As though that somehow cancels out what happened to them.
And here’s what I think is really going on.
Sometimes people don’t defend someone because they know you’re wrong.
They defend them because they don’t want you to be right.
Because they’re not interested in finding out the truth.
They’re interested in protecting what they already believe to be true.
And there’s a bloody big difference…