Clare Findlay Therapy

12/06/2026

THE BIGGEST LIE PERFECTIONISM TELLS YOU.
Perfectionism isn't always about having high standards. Often, it's a protective strategy developed to avoid criticism, failure, judgement, rejection, or disappointment. In this video, I explore the psychology of perfectionism, why so many perfectionists feel exhausted, and how healing starts by creating safety rather than striving for perfection

08/06/2026

One of the things I wish more people understood is that reacting and responding aren't simply "bad" and "good."
In an ideal world we'd always pause, reflect and respond carefully.
But sometimes our nervous system gets there first.
Someone raises their voice and we become defensive.
Someone dismisses us and we shut down.
Someone repeatedly crosses a boundary and eventually we explode.
That doesn't mean the behaviour is helpful.
But it does mean there's usually a story behind it.
The question isn't just "How do I stop reacting?"
It's also "What was that reaction trying to protect?"
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Do you think we're too quick to judge reactions without understanding what's underneath them?

19/05/2026

You can love people and still love yourself. The kindest thing you can do for yourself and another person is set a boundary. I say kind as it's not always a 'nice' thing to do and there is a difference. It's okay to take what you need when you need it. And often I find an unmet need turns into a resentment and that can be like a poison in any relationship. It eats away at you. So although it can feel disgusting to set them. Setting boundaries are your friends.

12/05/2026

Rest can feel really unsafe if you've not been used to it. Sometimes we need a workaround so that it feels safe to rest. I'd love to know your thoughts on this. There's a brilliant book by Tricia Hersey called Rest Is Resistance and it explains this better than I ever could.

03/05/2026

Exciting Update!
I’ve introduced a new online booking system to make arranging your sessions smoother and more flexible.
You can now book therapy sessions or consultations directly online, with instant confirmation and reminders.
I’m also opening up a small number of new afternoon sessions each week (currently Mondays and Fridays) to make therapy more accessible for those balancing work and life.
Spaces are limited, and evening slots tend to fill quickly. So if you’ve been thinking about starting therapy or returning after a break, this is a lovely time to reach out.

03/05/2026

Some people grow up with safety. Others grow up self‑reliant because they had to be, there was no other option.
If you’ve spent most of your life coping alone, it makes sense you struggle to let anyone close now.
Help might come with conditions, or you might feel out of control. That younger version of you learned to, keep going , don't be a burden, you can deal with this yourself, don't be bothering anyone with this. And that can end up a a cycle, the less you ask for support, the less you have around you.

So let's not jump in at the deep end trying to fix it and start with just noticing where you automatically say "I'm fine" when you're not really. Just see where you do that.
And that's enough just now.
Who are you always "fine" with?

30/04/2026

I wrote a wee thing about people being different on my blog on my website. Give it a read if you have the chance

https://www.clarefindlaytherapy.com/blog

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03/04/2026

Setting a boundary can feel horrendous if I’m being honest.

It can feel like you’ve done something wrong.
Like you need a REALLY good reason to cancel/change your mind/ protect your time
Like you should really just get on with it.

But the truth is your reason is a good enough reason.

“I don’t want to do that.”
“I don’t have the space to talk right now.”
“No, that doesn’t work for me.”

That’s a complete sentence.
Even if your body is going absolutely not, let’s go back and just say yes as this feeling is horrific .
That doesn’t mean you’ve got it wrong.
It might just mean you’re not used to choosing yourself like that.
It’s a muscle.
And right now it might feel shaky, maybe even a bit mean.

You’re not being mean.
You’re just not over-explaining for having made a choice.
And then once it’s said, it’s done.
Yeah it still feels gadz but it’s not the end of the world.
You don’t actually have to go back and fix it for the other person.

And the more you do it, it gets easier.
You can do it!

Oh and maybe start small, even just notice the wee points in your day where you want to say no.

01/04/2026

12/02/2026

I have a voice in my head that's mean sometimes. And it can feel like it's really me. But it comes from a mixture of times I've had to stay alert, or stay small, or push myself through a hard time.
And when these times show up again, or I'm tired or worried then she is LOUD. She can knock my confidence. She feels real but she isn't. It's taken a while for me to learn that. Every so often, I forget. That's what therapy has taught me, to notice that and remember myself.