05/06/2026
You're not broken. You were conditioned. There's a difference.
One of the most important things therapy can do for someone recovering from narcissistic abuse is give them a name for what happened.
Not in a clinical, detached way.
In a "oh. That's what that was" way.
Intermittent reinforcement is what happens when reward comes unpredictably. Warmth, then coldness. Closeness, then distance. You never knew which version you were going to get. And so your brain did what brains do. It became wired around the hope of the good moments.
That's not weakness.
That's conditioning.
When a therapist helps you map that cycle, to actually see it laid out as a pattern rather than a series of confusing, painful events, something shifts. You stop asking "what is wrong with me" and start understanding "this is what was done to me."
That shift is not small.
It's the beginning of being able to separate yourself from the shame that kept you stuck.
You don't have to carry the belief that you are broken. You were in a dynamic specifically designed to keep you confused, working harder, and doubting yourself.
Naming it is the first step out.
Have you ever had that moment of recognition, where something gave you a framework for what you lived through? What did that feel like? Share below.
