Autistic & ADHD That's Me

22/07/2026

Autistic. ADHD. That's me.
And I’m tired of being blamed for things that weren’t my fault.

The Long-Term Cost of Always Being The One To Blame

I’m tired.
Not “I need a nap” tired.
The kind of tired that lives in your bones because you’ve been blamed for things that weren’t your fault for so long, you started to believe it.

Today an opportunity fell apart.
Someone got cold feet.
And somehow... it was still my fault.
Again.

This is the story of my life.
“Emma’s in a mood.”
“Emma told him to get out.”
“Emma can’t cope.”

No one asks why I can’t cope.
No one asks about the years of carrying everything until there’s no space left.
No one asks about the ADHD, the autism, the chronic pain, the fatigue, the brain fog.
They just see the moment I break. And they call that the problem.

WHAT THIS DOES TO YOU LONG TERM

1. Your nervous system never rests
You’re always scanning. “Is this my fault? Am I about to be blamed?”
You learn to regulate the only way you can – drive off, shut down, snap – because no one taught you it was okay to just need space.

2. You stop trusting yourself
When people tell you’re the problem enough times, you start believing it.
Even when you know the truth. Shame becomes your default.

3. You shrink
You stop asking for things. Stop hoping.
“Fine. I’ll keep my little house and not bother.”
That’s not peace. That’s protection. And it hurts.

4. You either people-please or you explode
There’s no middle.
You hold everything until you physically can’t, and then you’re “too much” for having limits.

THEY CALL ME A CONTROL FREAK

The truth? I don’t want to be in control all the time. I’m exhausted.

But I learned the hard way: the moment I lean on someone, they take it as an opportunity to not care.
And when things fall apart, it’s still my fault.

So I carry it.
Because it’s safer to be blamed for doing too much
Than to be blamed for trusting the wrong person.

Someone once told me: ”You have these moods to get your own way.”
The truth?
I had moods because I was drowning and no one threw me a rope.
I had moods because I was in pain and was told to be quiet about it.
That wasn’t manipulation. That was me begging, without words, to be seen.

AND MAYBE THIS IS WHY MY BODY HURTS

Because I’ve spent years stuffing it all down.
The anger. The grief. The “why is it always me?”

No one sees the years before the meltdown.
No one sees the cost of always being strong.

So my body said it for me.
In pain. In fatigue. In a brain that fogs over.
I’m listening now.

THE TRUTH I’M LEARNING

It was never all my fault.
Cold feet aren’t my fault.
Other people’s lack of accountability isn’t my fault.
Needing space in a house with no room to breathe isn’t my fault.

I’m done begging people to see the full picture.
I’m done apologizing for having limits.
I’m done carrying blame that isn’t mine.

If you’ve ever been “the problem”...
If you’ve ever been blamed for other people’s choices...
If you’ve ever shrunk yourself to keep the peace...

I see you.
You’re not crazy.
You’re not too much.
You’re just done carrying what was never yours.

And that’s not giving up.
That’s strength.

21/06/2026

The "10-Minute" Meltdown Myth (And the Autistic Hangover)

If you are autistic, you’ve probably read articles saying meltdowns only last "10 minutes to an hour. "For a long time, that made me question my own experiences.

But I want to share what a real autistic meltdown actually looks like for me, because if you are struggling with this too, you are not alone, and you are not broken.

A meltdown isn’t just a sudden, visible explosion. It is a long, exhausting neurological process that can take over your entire day—or even spill into the next.

For me, it usually looks like this:⚡

⚡ The Morning "Rumble" (The Whiplash Phase): It starts early. A few small, frustrating things happen and I immediately struggle to cope. My nervous system gets trapped in a vicious loop. I will swing wildly between intense emotional outbursts of rage and anger, and then slip into periods of sudden, heavy shutdowns where I go completely quiet, numb, or stare off into space. It is incredibly exhausting swinging back and forth between fighting the environment and freezing up. My nervous system is a glass of water violently sloshing around, filling to the brim.

💥 The Peak (and the Dark Thoughts): By evening, the glass overflows. The full-blown meltdown hits and my brain enters a state of pure, terrifying survival mode. I push people away and internalize everything. When you are at this absolute peak of neurological overload, unintrusive dark thoughts / wanting to escape can hit out of nowhere. Your brain is so overwhelmed by distress that it screams for the pain to stop, making you feel like escaping your own body is the only option left. It is incredibly scary, but it is a symptom of an overloaded nervous system.

🤢 The Meltdown Hangover: The next day doesn’t bring instant relief. I wake up feeling like I have a massive physical hangover. Burnout, headaches, and total exhaustion. Then comes the heavy guilt, and the exhausting task of doing "damage control" by apologizing to everyone around me.

🗣️ HOW TO HELP AN AUTISTIC LOVED ONE EXPERIENCING THIS:

If you see someone you love starting to go quiet (shutting down) or hitting that peak meltdown, please don't try to reason with them, scold them, or ask them a million questions. Our brains cannot process language in that moment. Instead:

Reduce the sensory input: Turn down the lights, turn off the TV, and stop talking.

Give them safe space: Let them withdraw to a dark room without making them feel guilty for walking away.

Be a calm presence: If they are in dark thoughts or danger, stay close but stay completely quiet and calm. Don't touch them without asking.

Postpone the talk: Wait until the "hangover" passes before trying to talk about what happened.

If your meltdowns last for hours, or if you feel trapped in dark thoughts when your brain overloads, please know this: Your experience is valid. The medical books often only count the minutes where we are visibly crying, but they miss the hours of internal fighting we do before and after.

To my neurodivergent friends: Be gentle with yourself during the hangover phase. You aren’t dramatic. You are recovering from a neurological storm. The picture below is from Autism Educational Advocacy: The Expert Ally I I hope they don't mind me using it. 🧠❤️

09/06/2026

So, i am doing my best to declutter and sort out everything because I am over stimulated by all i have. These are a few of what I have thought were nice looking books and promised myself over the years I would use them, somw of them have courses I have started, some positive intentions, and some gratitude diary's. Guess what, none of them i used fully, yet I am unable to through them away. 🙈

I did sort out two carrier bags of books I dont read and wont ever read, but with the amount I have, thats not alot. Oh well focus on the positives, I have re organised and have got rid of some books. Haha. Please tell me i am not the only one who is like this, any advice,

27/04/2026

Recently, I've been experiencing a flare-up that has me concerned something deeper might be happening, possibly even neurological. With a family history of Multiple Sclerosis, these worries are hard to ignore.

This morning, I found myself reflecting on how best to communicate my needs to my partner. It's important to me that he understands support doesn't mean taking over everything for me. When he does, it leaves me feeling frustrated and angry at myself, which only worsens my mental health.

To help clarify my thoughts, I turned to AI for assistance in expressing what I truly need from him. (What ever your thoughts are on A.I when are brains are glitching and breaking down, for whatever reason, it can help)

🌟 Understanding Real Support 🌟
Ever wondered what true support looks like for those with chronic conditions like MS, autism, or burnout? It's all about empowering independence, not taking over tasks. Here’s how you can be a supportive partner without overwhelming yourself or your loved one:

✨ Support vs. Care-taking:

* Care-taking: “I’ll do it for you” removes independence and isn’t feasible long-term.

* Support: “I’ll make it easier for you to do” preserves autonomy and respects your partner’s capabilities.

🔍 Simple Ways to Offer Support:

1. Admin Tasks: Instead of handling it all, prep necessary info so they can tackle it themselves.

2. Morning Routines: Set up essentials the night before to ease their morning struggle.

3. Medical Calls: Help draft scripts for doctor calls to combat brain fog.

4. Household Chores: Break tasks into manageable steps and handle the more physically demanding ones.

5. Emotional Support: Offer to take a small task off their plate to prevent burnout.

6. Planning Ahead: Collaborate on weekly plans to avoid cognitive overload.

💡 The Spoon Theory:

Think of energy as “spoons” you can spend. Support should help your loved one manage their spoons wisely, not deplete them.
Remember, it’s about being a teammate. Your help should be about removing barriers, not being the savior. Together, you can navigate the challenges with understanding and practical support.

🗣️ Open Communication:

“Hey, I’m learning how to better support you. Let’s try removing steps so you can do things more independently. Can we test this out this week?”

💪 Let's make invisible struggles visible and support each other in the marathon of life. Your partnership can be a powerful source of strength and resilience. 💙

14/04/2026

Currently, sat in autistic paralysis, I often get like this before bed, I am so burned out. I get stuck scrolling as it sooths my racing adhd brain, but before I know it, I am too far gone and autistic paralysis sets in. When the other half is in the room I have to ask for help, but he has already gone to bed. 😭

Its an effort to type this, but, I wanted to share as I am not sure its talked about enough. My whippets won't leave me, at least I have them for company.

Oh the joys of being neurodivergent.

13/04/2026

Following on from what I posted the other day about Fibromyalgia and Autism, i came accross this which suggests a link with ADHD.

If you have fibromyalgia, you might want to be examined by your doctor for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) as well.

That is the message from a study presented at the annual meeting of the American Academy of Pain Management in April 2018. Moreover, it found a startling high rate of… See Comment ⬇

09/04/2026

Flat pack furniture needs to be more autistic friendly. Ryan always gets so overwelmed with it, and frustrated. I struggle at times too. My son just said to me it would be so much easier if it were colour-coded steps. Got me thinking wouldn't it help promote companies like ikea if they made autistic friendly flat pack furniture.

09/04/2026

So, my eldest son Ryan who is now 16 has complained of pains and fatigue since he was 9 or 10.

I have wondered the last couple of years if we have the same condition as we are so similar in many ways. I have an autoimmune condition Psoriatic Arthritis, Raynaulds and fibromyalgia has also been mentioned.

My sister has been concerned about Lupus in me, especially recently as she has this among other things and it can lay dormant and be sparked off by a stressful event, aka moving over 500 miles, (which is far for people in the Uk) and a car collision, all in the space of 1 month!

Anyway, my point of this post, is i came accross this link today, about childhood Fibromyalgia, I have definitely had signs since a child, but it also made me think of my son and I started to wonder is this something else which is connected to being autistic.

When they talk about the sensory sensitivities it got me thinking, which is difficult at the month amongst a flare. So, I would love for your input, and if anyone has gone down a rabbit hole and hyperfixated into this subject and found a connection with Neurodiversities, in particular autism, ADHD or even those of us who are AuDHD and lucky enough to have both.

Anyway, for those who were able to focus untip the end of my ramble. Thank you.

You may have had fibromyalgia symptoms since childhood without realizing it. Learn the early signs and why early diagnosis matters.

03/04/2026

So, I moved from Surrey in England to Aberdeenshire in Scotland, which is about 575 miles, in February.

It's been more difficult than I first thought it would, I really struggle with choas.

To make matters worse, on my eldest sons 16th birthday which was the 19th of March, I broke down on a duel carriage way, with noway of moving my car I had to put the hazards on and get my youngest son, who is also AuDHD and myself to safety, then called rhe police.

Unfortunately, someone went into the back of it as they were distracted whilst driving.

My autism is flaring, already struggling with the choas. I signed of for some trauma chat thing on the phone and the lady said something to me, its going to be hard enough if your home doesnt yet feel home as you are still unpacking, with the collision you are going to crave safety even more.

She recommended, I focus on making my house a home to help distract me, and hopefully in time feel more safe.

However, with each box I get out its so overwelming, especially whe. I cant find things.

There really should be more understanding of Neurodiversities and how moving can really knock us for six!

30/01/2026

💙 Understanding and Supporting Autistic Loved Ones 💙

When an autistic person hears difficult news about a loved one, such as illness or loss, their reaction might differ from what you expect. They may express themselves bluntly or in an unconventional way—not because they don't care, but because they're overwhelmed. It's crucial to think about how and when you share such news.

For those who are "high functioning autistic," day-to-day communication may seem typical, but challenging news can hinder their ability to communicate and may amplify autistic traits as they struggle to process the information. It's easy for people to forget that a high functioning autistic is still autistic, which can leave the autistic person not only having to process the difficult news and come to terms with their emotions but also navigating the trials that come from being misunderstood and assumed the worst of.

Consider avoiding early mornings or abrupt times; instead, find a calm moment when they’re more settled. Provide clear and simple information, allowing them time to process at their own pace. Check in with them afterwards, offering reassurance and a chance to ask questions or share feelings.

Everyone processes emotions differently. For someone with autism, this might mean expressing their feelings uniquely. Extra time and understanding go a long way. Offer them a safe space to express themselves and remember that empathy and patience are key. 🌟