The Eating Disorder Psychologist

10/06/2026

"You probably shouldn't have had that."

It doesn't sound cruel when it arrives. It sounds like the reasonable, sensible, self-aware voice. The voice that's just being honest.

But I want you to look at it more carefully.

That voice — the one that arrives just after a meal, or in the middle of an evening, or the morning after a difficult night — is not actually helping you. Shame research is very clear on this: shame doesn't motivate change. It activates the threat system. It depletes regulation capacity. And a nervous system in threat mode is more, not less, likely to binge.

The inner critic sounds like a solution. It is, in most cases, part of the cycle.

This isn't something you can just decide to stop. The critic has roots and it developed for reasons, usually in early experiences where high standards were demanded or where emotional difficulty wasn't met with the required warmth.

But you can begin to notice it. To see it as a voice, rather than a truth-teller.

"That's the critic arriving. I don't have to comply."

That small shift in relationship - observer rather than believer - is the beginning of something that genuinely changes.

📌 Save this. The voice will be back. You'll want to remember what it actually is.

08/06/2026

08/06/2026

When I sit with someone in BECOME and we begin exploring their food rules, something almost always happens. We trace a rule back. And it has roots.

The rule that eating after a certain time is wrong. The rule that you must earn the right to eat freely. The rule that certain foods are safe and others are the beginning of losing everything.

These rules don't appear from nowhere. They were absorbed from diets that didn't work but left their logic behind or from a well-meaning parent who was anxious about food, or from a passing comment that was never meant to land so heavily, but did.

Most people have never stopped to ask: where did this rule come from? Is it actually true? What is it protecting me from and is that protection real, or is it an illusion that costs more than it gives?

Food rules feel like safety. For people who struggle with binge eating, they very often become the thing that perpetuates the cycle they're designed to prevent.

Understanding where the rules came from doesn't mean abandoning them overnight. It means starting to hold them a little more loosely.

Not 'I must follow this rule.' But: 'I notice I have this rule. I wonder what it's for.'

That question - gentle, curious, without pressure - is where real change begins.

Is there a food rule you've never questioned?

06/06/2026

You didn't invent your food rules. They came from somewhere. And understanding that changes everything.

When I sit with someone in the BECOME Programme and we start exploring their food rules, something almost always emerges: the rules have roots.

The rule that carbohydrates are dangerous. The rule that eating after a certain time is wrong. The rule that you must earn your food through exercise, or earn the right to eat freely by being 'good' all day. The rule that certain foods are safe and certain foods are the beginning of losing everything.

These rules don't appear from nowhere. They have histories. They were absorbed - from diet culture, from parents, from passing comments by GPs or relatives or PE teachers, from years of tracking and measuring and being told in a thousand different ways that your body needed to be controlled.

Most of the people I work with have never stopped to ask: where did this rule come from? Is it actually true? What is it protecting me from, and is that protection real, or is it an illusion that costs more than it provides?

Because here's what I know after years of working in this field. Food rules feel like safety. They feel like the thing standing between you and total chaos. The structure that keeps you from 'eating everything.'

But for people who struggle with binge eating, the rules are very often the thing setting up the chaos they're designed to prevent. The restriction creates the deprivation. The deprivation creates the pressure. The pressure eventually gives way.

Understanding where your rules came from doesn't mean abandoning them overnight. It means starting to hold them with a little more curiosity and a little less certainty.

Not 'I must follow this rule.'

But 'I notice I have this rule. I wonder what it's for.'

That's the beginning.

03/06/2026

Every diet told you that structure was safety. That rules were what stood between you and losing control. And you believed it, because it made sense. Rules meant you knew where you stood. Rules meant you had a plan.

But here's what the research (and the lived experience of almost everyone I work with) shows: Rigid rules don't protect you from bingeing. For most people struggling with binge eating, the rules are what set it up.

The restriction creates deprivation. The deprivation creates pressure. The pressure accumulates until something gives. And then the binge happens, not despite the rules, but because of them.

Flexibility, in this context, is not weakness. It is the thing that breaks the cycle. Not 'eat whatever you want whenever you want.' Something more nuanced than that. The capacity to have a meal that wasn't planned without it becoming a verdict on the whole day.

That capacity is learnable. It takes time, and it does not feel safe at first because for a long time, the rules have been doing something important.

But flexibility is where recovery lives. Not rigidity. Not willpower. Not a better set of rules.

01/06/2026

"I've already ruined today, so I may as well."
If you've thought that, you know exactly how fast it arrives. One decision that wasn't in the plan. One biscuit, one unplanned snack, one meal that went differently than you intended.
And then: the thought. Almost instant. Almost automatic.
The day is gone. May as well.

Here's what I want you to know about that thought: it is not a decision. It is a pattern. One that your mind has practised so many times it runs without asking permission.

The 'blown it' thought is the hinge point - the moment where a lapse becomes a binge. Not the food. The thought.
And thoughts, unlike appetite or willpower, can be worked with. Noticed. Interrupted.
Not by arguing with them. Not by telling yourself they're wrong. Just by catching them as thoughts, rather than facts.

"I'm having the thought that I've blown it."
That distance - one breath, one second of observation - is where everything starts to become possible.
📌 Save this for the next time that thought arrives.

30/05/2026

"I've already ruined today, so I may as well..."

If you've thought that, then you know exactly how fast it arrives. One decision that wasn't in the plan. One biscuit, one unplanned snack, one meal that went differently than you intended. And then: the thought. Almost instant. Almost automatic. The day is gone. May as well...

Here's what I want you to know about that thought: it is not a decision. It is a pattern. One that your mind has practised so many times it runs without asking permission.

The 'blown it' thought is the hinge point - the moment where a lapse becomes a binge. Not the food. The thought.

And thoughts, unlike appetite or willpower, can be worked with, noticed, interrupted. Not by arguing with them, nor by telling yourself they're wrong, but just by catching them as thoughts, rather than facts.

"I'm having the thought that I've blown it."

That distance - one breath, one second of observation - is where everything starts to become possible.

📌 Save this for the next time that thought arrives.

27/05/2026

If you’ve ever ended the day frustrated with yourself around food, please read this. Understanding why this happens is the first step, and it’s kinder than you might expect. 💛

Learn how to stop overeating at night without dieting. A psychologist’s guide to evening eating, emotional eating, food urges, and loss of control around food.

22/05/2026

Your body is not a calculator. It’s a survival system.

New post on what the research actually tells us about exercise, metabolism, and eating disorder recovery — and why so many of the “rules” that feel like facts are actually oversimplifications.

Worth a read if this is something you or someone you love is navigating.

Struggling with food rules and exercise in eating disorder recovery? Learn what the science actually says about metabolism, compensation, and why your body isn't a calculator.

18/05/2026

Food was just doing its job. The real work is finding out what job it was doing. 🤍
What need was food meeting for you? (You don’t have to answer, just sit with it.)