The Inner Edit: Notes from the Psychotherapist’s Couch

30/09/2026

Apparently my body had to issue me a formal sick note before I was willing to do absolutely nothing. 🤒

Seasonal bugs have started doing the rounds, and I was recently unwell.

And honestly?

The hardest part wasn't necessarily being ill.

It was allowing myself to stop.

No working.
No catching up.
No being productive.
No “I'll just quickly do this…”
No feeling like I should somehow be making the most of my time.

Just… resting.

Which got me thinking about how often we wait until our bodies are shouting at us before we give ourselves permission to slow down.

We push through tiredness.
We override stress.
We tell ourselves we'll rest when everything is done.

Except… everything is never done.

And if your sense of worth has become tangled up with what you achieve, how useful you are, or how much you can manage, doing nothing can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.

But your worth doesn't increase because you've answered 17 emails.

And it doesn't decrease because you've spent the afternoon under a blanket watching rubbish television.

A few reminders I'm taking from this myself:

🌿 Rest before you're forced to rest.
You don't need to earn it by becoming completely exhausted.

🌿 Notice the “I should be…” thoughts.
Should I be working? Cleaning? Exercising? Being useful?
You don't have to automatically obey them.

🌿 Practise doing something with no productive outcome.
Sit outside. Have a bath. Watch something silly. Lie down.

🌿 Remind yourself:
“I am allowed to rest, even when there are things I could be doing.”

🌿 Ask yourself what you'd say to someone you love.
Would you tell them they need to earn their rest?

Probably not.

So perhaps we can stop waiting for our bodies to put us on forced shutdown…

…and start giving ourselves permission a little earlier.

Because you are a person, not a productivity project.

And yes, this was a reminder I apparently needed too. 😂

What would change for you if rest wasn't something you had to earn?

If this is something you struggle with, follow along — I talk a lot about self-worth, perfectionism, people-pleasing and learning to have a healthier relationship with yourself.

22/09/2026

What if being successful isn't the same as feeling worthy?

You can be capable.
Successful.
Independent.
The person everyone relies on.

You can have the career, the qualifications, the home, the relationship, the busy social life…

…and still quietly wonder:

“Am I actually enough?”

For some high-achieving people, self-worth can become tied to what they do rather than who they are.

So you keep achieving.

The next promotion.
The next goal.
The next thing to fix.
The next version of yourself to become.

And for a while, it works.

Until the achievement stops giving you the feeling you were hoping it would.

Because if your worth depends on what you accomplish, there is always another box to tick.

Another way to improve.

Another reason you haven't quite arrived yet.

Real self-worth isn't about convincing yourself that you're amazing every morning in the mirror.

It's about developing a sense that you have value even when you're not achieving, performing, pleasing or getting everything right.

That's a very different relationship with yourself.

And for many high-functioning, capable people, that's where the real work begins.

💭 When you take away what you achieve, what is left that tells you you're worthy?

That's one worth sitting with.

And if you find that question surprisingly difficult to answer, you're definitely not alone.

16/09/2026

Finally! My therapist bookshelf is making its way onto the internet. 📚

I've had this on my to-do list for a little while, so I'm very excited to finally share it with you!

I've put together a collection of therapist-recommended books — some I regularly recommend in therapy, and others I've personally found thought-provoking along the way.

Books that explore growth, reflection, self-acceptance and improving our relationships with ourselves and others.

From learning to see things differently, to slowing down, understanding love and exploring what it means to feel more at home in yourself… there's a little something for different stages of the journey.

And because apparently I needed another excuse to add books to my own reading list… 😂

📖 Fancy a browse? Check out my recommended books here:

https://cornerstonetherapy.co.uk/resources-%2F-testionals-1

I'd love to know — have you read any of these already?

Or which books have made its way to the top of your reading list?

Happy reading, reflecting and discovering something new. 💛

10/09/2026

You can be confident and still secretly believe you’re not good enough.

Confidence often relates to “Can I do this?”
Self-worth is more about “Am I OK if I don't?”

You can be successful, capable and outwardly confident while still relying heavily on achievement, approval or being useful to feel worthy.

Building self-worth means learning that your value doesn't have to be continually earned.

Self-worth isn't about convincing yourself you're amazing. It's about learning that you don't become less worthy when you're struggling, disappointing someone or getting something wrong.

Save this one for the days when your brain starts handing out performance reviews you definitely didn't ask for. And follow along for more on self-worth and the psychology behind it.

07/09/2026

Are you processing… or just thinking about it REALLY hard?

There’s a difference. And honestly, it can be a tricky one to spot.

Because we often assume that if we’re thinking about something a lot, we must be working through it.

But sometimes we’re not processing.

We’re just… going round the same roundabout. 🚗

“Why did I say that?”

“What if I’d done this instead?”

“What if they’re annoyed with me?”

“What if this goes wrong?”

“What if…?”

And then, because apparently our brains have decided this is an excellent use of our evening, we do it all again at 2am.

Overthinking tends to keep us searching.

Searching for the perfect explanation.
The perfect answer.
The certainty that everything will be OK.

The problem is that some things simply don’t come with certainty attached.

Processing is different.

It might look more like:

🧠 What am I actually feeling?
💭 What is this emotion telling me?
❤️ Can I allow myself to feel it rather than immediately solve it?
🗣️ Is there something I need to express?
👣 Is there something I want to do differently?

And sometimes the answer is…

“I don’t know yet.”

Which, for an overthinking brain, can feel deeply offensive. 😂

The aim isn't to stop thinking.

It’s to start noticing when thinking is helping you understand something and when it’s simply keeping you stuck.

So next time you notice yourself going over the same situation for the 47th time, try asking:

“Am I figuring something out here… or am I looking for certainty that might not exist?”

That little pause can make a surprisingly big difference.

Follow along for more conversations about anxiety, trauma, self-worth, overthinking and all the wonderfully complicated things that come with being human. 🤍

01/09/2026

A little update from Cornerstone Therapy 🤍

If you’ve been thinking about starting therapy but keep hovering around it a bit like you’re trying to decide whether to text someone first… I currently have some availability for new clients.

I work with adults experiencing things like:

• anxiety and overthinking (the 3am “why did I say that in 2014?” club)
• low self-esteem and self-worth stuff
• perfectionism and people-pleasing
• trauma and difficult past experiences
• attachment and relationship patterns
• depression and feeling stuck
• self-criticism and that very loud inner commentator

My approach is collaborative and psychologically informed, drawing on CBT, trauma-focused approaches and psychodynamic therapy.

In real life terms, that usually means:

For some people, therapy is about understanding why on earth I am like this.
For others, it’s more about please just help me stop doing the thing I keep doing.
And quite often… it’s both.

You really don’t need to have everything figured out before you start.

You don’t even need a perfectly worded explanation of what’s wrong (honestly, most people don’t arrive with one — and that’s completely fine).

Sometimes the first step is just being able to say:

“Something isn’t quite working for me anymore… and I’d like to understand it a bit better.”

I offer a free 15-minute introductory call if you’d like to see whether working together feels like a good fit (no pressure, no awkward commitment vibes).

📩 You can get in touch through my website

www.cornerstonetherapy.co.uk

28/08/2026

“Sorry, sorry, sorry…”

If you find yourself apologising a lot, it might not always be because you’ve done something wrong.

Sometimes, especially over a long weekend or bank holiday when routines shift and you’re around more people than usual, apologising can become a way of keeping things smooth — of preventing tension before it even has a chance to appear.

If you’ve learned that other people’s disappointment, silence, or mood changes feel uncomfortable or even unsafe, you may become very skilled at managing the emotional atmosphere around you.

You might notice yourself:

→ apologising when someone else seems quiet or upset
→ saying “it’s fine” when it doesn’t feel fine
→ agreeing quickly to avoid awkwardness
→ over-explaining simple things
→ taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours
→ softening your opinions to keep things easy
→ saying sorry for resting, needing space, or doing things differently over the weekend

These can become protective strategies.

At some point, they may have helped you feel safer in relationships.

But what once protected you can slowly start to cost you — especially in moments like a bank holiday, when there’s more time, more interaction, and more opportunity to notice your patterns in real time.

Because avoiding discomfort isn’t the same as feeling secure in relationships.

And healing doesn’t mean you suddenly stop caring what others think or never apologise again.

It often looks much more subtle than that.

You notice the urge to apologise — and pause.
You feel the discomfort of someone else’s mood — and don’t immediately rush to fix it.
You allow a small disagreement — and see that the relationship stays intact.
You take up a bit of space over the long weekend — without over-justifying it.

If you want a small practice point for this bank holiday, try this:

Before you say “sorry”, pause and ask yourself: “Did I actually do something wrong — or am I just feeling uncomfortable?”

You don’t have to change anything immediately. Just noticing the pattern is enough.

This is how change often happens.

Not through one big shift.

But through small, repeated moments that teach your nervous system:

“I can tolerate this.”
“I don’t have to fix everyone’s feelings.”
“Discomfort doesn’t mean danger.”
“I can still be myself and be okay.”

That’s what healing can look like.

Not becoming fearless.

Becoming less controlled by the fear.

25/08/2026

Something I’ve learned about healing: two things can be true at the same time.

I’m a therapist, but I’m also a human being doing my own work.

And one of the things I think is important to talk about more honestly is that healing doesn't mean you stop having difficult days.

It can look like:

I am healing — and I still have hard days.

I have worked on my self-worth — and sometimes I still question myself.

I understand anxiety — and I still sometimes feel anxious.

I have learned to set boundaries — and sometimes I still worry about disappointing people.

I can recognise old patterns — and sometimes I still fall into them.

This isn't failure.

It's being human.

I think we can sometimes turn healing into another form of perfectionism:

"If I were really healed, I wouldn't feel like this anymore."

But healing isn't the absence of difficult emotions.

It's having more choice in what you do with them.

It's noticing the old pattern sooner.

It's recovering more quickly.

It's speaking to yourself with a little more compassion.

It's knowing that a difficult day doesn't erase all the progress you've made.

So if you're having a hard day today, perhaps you don't need to decide that you're “back at square one.”

Maybe two things can simply be true:

I'm struggling today.
And I'm still healing.

Both can be true. 🤍

21/08/2026

1001 tabs open… enter brain fog. I know the feeling!

And then someone says: “just slow down”
…as if your nervous system didn’t just open 37 new tabs in response to that sentence.

But slowing down is actually a way of telling your nervous system: “We’re safe now.”

When you’ve spent a lot of time in anxiety, trauma, perfectionism or hypervigilance, slowing down can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.

You might feel like you should be:
→ doing something
→ fixing something
→ preparing for something
→ answering immediately
→ staying one step ahead

What if slowing down is actually a way of telling your nervous system: “We’re safe now.”

When you’ve spent a lot of time in anxiety, trauma, perfectionism or hypervigilance, slowing down can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.

You might feel like you should be:
→ doing something
→ fixing something
→ preparing for something
→ answering immediately
→ staying one step ahead

But sometimes there is nothing that needs fixing.

Try this today:

Purposefully slow down one ordinary moment.

Drink your coffee without scrolling.
Walk a little more slowly.
Take three breaths before replying to a message.
Sit in your car for a minute before going inside.
Let yourself finish one task before immediately moving onto the next.

And while you do it, remind yourself:

“I don't have to rush. Nothing needs my immediate attention. I am here, and I am safe enough in this moment.”

You aren't trying to force yourself to relax.

You're giving your nervous system repeated experiences of:

There is no emergency.
I don't have to anticipate the next problem.
I can be here, now.

Sometimes healing happens in these very ordinary moments.

Not because everything around you has changed.

But because your body is slowly learning that now is not then.

18/08/2026

Thinking about therapy? Here's what actually happens...

I think there are two types of people.

Those who imagine therapy is a comfy chat with tea.

And those who imagine I'll stare silently while scribbling mysterious notes. 😂

The reality?

Neither.

Starting therapy is simply a conversation.

You don't need to have the "right" words.

You don't need to tell your whole life story in the first session.

You don't need to be in crisis.

We'll explore what's been happening, what's feeling difficult, and what you hope life might look like if things felt a little easier.

We'll also think together about what approach is likely to help you.

Some people leave that first session feeling lighter.

Others leave feeling hopeful.

Many simply leave thinking,

"That wasn't nearly as scary as I'd imagined."

If you've been wondering whether therapy might help, you're welcome to book a free introductory call.

No pressure.

Just a chance to see whether I'm the right therapist for you.

💛 You don't have to figure everything out before reaching out.

To find out more or book in visit: https://cornerstonetherapy.co.uk/

If you’re tired of overthinking, people pleasing or feeling not enough, your in the right place.