Inclusive Mind and Wellbeing

Inclusive Mind and Wellbeing A compassionate, understanding, and non-judgemental integrative therapist offering face-to-face in Manchester City Centre and online nationwide.

“Why did I not leave sooner?”This is one of the most common, heartbreaking phrases I hear in the therapy room.The truth ...
11/06/2026

“Why did I not leave sooner?”

This is one of the most common, heartbreaking phrases I hear in the therapy room.

The truth about abuse is that it isn’t bad all the time. It starts with an intoxicating honeymoon phase where you are showered with love, affection, and attention, which floods your brain with dopamine and oxytocin. From the outside, it looks picture-perfect.

That is exactly why it is so confusing. When the mood shifts and the mind games, blame, rejection, abandonment, sometimes physical abuse, and cold shoulders set in, your mind goes into overdrive. You will do anything to try and bring back that loving partner you thought you had.

As this cycle repeats, it locks you into a powerful trauma bond. You become physically, mentally, and emotionally addicted to the person, regardless of how badly they treat you, with the hope that you will bring back the person they once were.

This isn’t just a metaphor. Research by Dr. Helen Fisher and Dr. Brown found that losing a toxic attachment activates the exact same brain pathways involved in co***ne and he**in withdrawal.

If you are a survivor, please stop blaming yourself. And if you are looking on from the outside, stop judging. Leaving isn’t a simple choice, it’s battling an addiction. This is why no-contact is the only way to break the addictive cycle of abuse.

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I have seen the word “limerence” floating around social media for some time now, and I’ve learned that it is an intense ...
31/05/2026

I have seen the word “limerence” floating around social media for some time now, and I’ve learned that it is an intense infatuation you have with another person. Limerence can cause intrusive thoughts, making it difficult to concentrate and focus on daily tasks.

It is an emotional rollercoaster where your mood depends entirely on another person’s actions or behaviour; something as small as a text or even a smile can cause euphoria, but the subtlest sign of someone pulling away can trigger a deep sense of rejection.

This causes hypervigilance, where you begin to look for signs, reading into actions or body language for hidden meanings or proof of reciprocal feelings. Limerence can also make it difficult to ignore red flags because you only see the idealised version of them created by your fantasy, making it hard to see who the person truly is.

While it creates feelings of euphoria and excitement, causing your heart to race and giving you a knot in your stomach when thinking of them or being around them, it is incredibly draining.

The Gambling Effect: If someone is being hot and cold, your brain becomes hooked on uncertainty and breadcrumbs of affection, almost like playing a game of poker; the reward floods your brain with dopamine, making you addicted to the chase.

An Emotional Escape: Limerence can strike when you are bored, lonely, or going through life changes. Living in a fantasy world is a coping mechanism that helps you escape your reality.

Old Emotional Wounds: If you have a fear of rejection or abandonment, your nervous system can mistake the high intensity and anxiety of chasing someone for love. Overanalysing every move is your way of trying to protect yourself from getting hurt.
 
In a nutshell: Limerence is a fantasy that you create of someone else which feels intoxicating because it isn’t real. It is used to distract yourself from painful emotions or because of having unmet needs.
 
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I love this quote by Dr Naomi Eisenberger and Dr Ethan Kross because it makes so much sense of why the pain of rejection...
17/05/2026

I love this quote by Dr Naomi Eisenberger and Dr Ethan Kross because it makes so much sense of why the pain of rejection can feel so overwhelming and destabilising.

When we understand that rejection affects the exact same parts of the brain as physical pain, our behaviors start to make sense. Of course we try to avoid it at all costs, because pain hurts!

That fear of pain can quietly start running our lives. It often looks like:

• Isolating ourselves from trying new hobbies or interests.

• Avoiding vulnerability or relationships.

• Feeling panic when stepping
outside of our comfort zone.

• Experiencing anxiety in social situations.

• People-pleasing to make sure everyone likes us, even at the expense of our own boundaries.

• Perfectionism, because we subconsciously believe if we are perfect, we can’t be rejected.

• Rejecting others first or cutting ties early to avoid being the one who gets hurt.

• Staying in unhealthy situations because the known discomfort feels safer than the potential rejection of leaving.

This fear of rejection is often significantly heightened for people within the LGBTQIA+ community, neurodivergent individuals, or anyone who has experienced systemic or relational rejection in childhood.

Healing starts with recognising that a fear of rejection isn’t irrational, it’s human. My gosh even I have to remind myself of this some days! Your brain is just trying to protect you from what it perceives as physical danger. Be gentle with it today.

Does knowing the science behind rejection change how you look at your own fears?

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Something that comes up a lot in my work with clients is the internal conflict between guilt and shame. For many, the li...
12/05/2026

Something that comes up a lot in my work with clients is the internal conflict between guilt and shame. For many, the lines between the two are blurred, and that confusion can lead to a really distorted sense of self.

The simplest way to look at it:
• Guilt: Feeling bad for what you have done.
• Shame: Feeling bad for who you are.

When we can’t identify which is which, we end up carrying the weight of our actions as if they are our identity. Brené Brown says that shame needs three things to grow: secrecy, silence, and judgment. The moment we speak it in a safe space, it begins to wither, which is where therapy can be helpful to heal it.

My goodness, there have been so many moments in my own therapy where I felt trapped by guilt and shame. Before therapy, many people can’t tell them apart. Therapy can help identify those moments and teach that, by sharing shame with others, it begins to lose its grip.

Which one have you been carrying lately?

I love this quote by Alice Little. It resonates so much in the therapy room, and honestly, it speaks to a past version o...
03/05/2026

I love this quote by Alice Little. It resonates so much in the therapy room, and honestly, it speaks to a past version of many of us too.

When someone grows up with emotional neglect, they often carry a quiet fantasy into adulthood: that one day, someone or something will finally arrive to fill the void and take the pain away.

It’s easy to spend years seeking validation or getting lost in the hope that a partner, or even addictive escapes, will “fix” what’s been missing.

Blimey, it’s a heavy realisation, but healing really begins when we accept that the person we’ve been waiting for is actually the adult we are today.

“Re-parenting” is about finding ways to give yourself what you needed back then, and what you need right now. It looks like:

* Choosing healthy friends and partners who value you, rather than repeating old patterns that feel rejecting or abandoning.

* Setting healthy boundaries, being assertive instead of people-pleasing, and speaking up when someone hurts us.

* Being compassionate to yourself instead of being your own worst critic.

* Finding validation from within, rather than constantly seeking it externally.

* Being honest and accountable about whether we are using addictive escapes, like alcohol, drugs, s*x, spending, or food, to mask the void, and recognising the damage they cause in the here and now.

* Accepting that while the past wasn’t your fault, the rescue mission is now your responsibility.

It’s not always easy, but it is incredibly freeing to realise the power to change your life is already in your hands.

How do you show up for your inner child today?

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If you are addicted to something, you will always be able to rationalise to yourself why you need that drink, that pill,...
23/04/2026

If you are addicted to something, you will always be able to rationalise to yourself why you need that drink, that pill, those shoes, that cookie, or that hookup.

You tell yourself: “It was a long day,” “I’ve been good,” “I’m stressed,” “I’m bored,” or “I’m lonely.” Your addicted brain tricks your logical brain into a decision you know, deep down, is wrong.

When you do it anyway, you create Cognitive Dissonance, that uncomfortable mental friction between:

1. “I want to be in control.”
2. “I am doing something that hurts me.”

Your brain hates this friction. It feels like a constant background hum of guilt and shame. To make it stop, you have two choices: change your behavior or change your thinking.

Because changing behavior is hard, addiction takes the “easy” path and changes the narrative. It finds a justification to quiet the noise of guilt and shame in that moment.

Ultimately, addiction is often the result of being unable to sit with uncomfortable or painful feelings. We use these justifications to avoid the raw reality of how we feel. The easiest way out is to escape those feelings, rather than learning to sit with them and let them pass on their own. gs.

Gosh, I remember the excuses I used to tell myself when I wanted to drink alcohol. Whether it was sunny, rainy, a special occasion, or just a Sunday, I would always find a reason to drink and avoid sitting with my feelings.

If you’re curious about your own addictive behaviors and want to understand this cycle, my contact details are on my website.

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Big news! Jamie Moffat Counselling is now Inclusive Mind & Wellbeing. I wanted a name that better reflects the work I’m ...
20/04/2026

Big news! Jamie Moffat Counselling is now Inclusive Mind & Wellbeing. I wanted a name that better reflects the work I’m doing and the support I want to provide here.

I’m also laying the groundwork for some very exciting shifts coming in 2026/2027. I’m not quite ready to share the details yet, but I can’t wait to take you all along for the ride when the time comes.

Same me, new look. Thanks for being here!

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This month, my private practice turns five years young… and what a journey it’s been both professionally and personally!...
02/03/2026

This month, my private practice turns five years young… and what a journey it’s been both professionally and personally!

Even now I still sometimes need to remind myself that my credentials, my approach, my skills, the practice I’ve built, and who I am is enough.

Many of the things I’ve had to remind myself of over the years are the very things clients come to therapy struggling with.

I may not be a marketing expert or have countless specialisms. I don’t create hundreds of reels or maintain a constant online presence with thousands of followers. But my love for this work, and my commitment to it, remains strong.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come in a profession that sometimes rewards visibility over depth, that seems to promote comparison over collaboration, and where marketing appears to overshadow the core of our profession: supporting clients’ mental health.

And now, with AI entering the space, the future can at times feel uncertain, while also highlighting what can’t be replicated: human presence, attunement, and relationship.

When doubt creeps in, remember: showing up for your clients, practising core counselling skills, staying present with discomfort, remaining grounded, engaging in supervision and professional development, doing your own therapy when needed, and working within your limits, that is enough. You are enough.

I’m grateful to everyone who’s trusted me with their stories, and to the colleagues, supervisors, and supporters who’ve walked alongside me to make these five years possible. Patience is key. Here’s to the next five years of growth, learning, and connection.

If you’re looking for thoughtful, relational, and inclusive therapy, you’re always welcome here.

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Getting sober improved my mental health — but it wasn’t a magical cure.What it changed was my baseline. Less background ...
16/02/2026

Getting sober improved my mental health — but it wasn’t a magical cure.

What it changed was my baseline. Less background anxiety, clearer moods, sharper emotional clarity. I wasn’t starting each day already dysregulated and feeling like I’d been hit by a bus. 💀

What sobriety also did was reveal the parts of myself that still needed care. Without alcohol and substances blunting or fixing my emotions, old patterns and unprocessed feelings became clearer. Sobriety didn’t create these issues, it simply stopped masking them.

Looking back over these three years, it’s become clear: sobriety wasn’t the healing itself, it was what made healing possible. And this is where therapy mattered.

Alongside giving up alcohol and substances, therapy helped me understand and heal the parts of myself that alcohol and substances had been numbing, managing, or holding together. It offered tools, perspective, and compassion, not to “fix” me, but to support the work sobriety made possible.

Sobriety didn’t heal me on its own. But together with therapy, it created the space and support for deeper work — and that’s where real change began.

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I love how mosaics are made from broken pieces, yet they remain works of art.Many people come to therapy feeling broken....
01/02/2026

I love how mosaics are made from broken pieces, yet they remain works of art.

Many people come to therapy feeling broken. Therapy isn’t about fixing, it’s about understanding, integrating, and finding meaning.

What feels fractured can still hold beauty, wholeness, and value. Therapy offers a space for patience, compassion, and for the pieces of you to be seen and held.

If parts of you feel broken or disconnected, you are not alone. There are times I have felt disconnected and broken too. Therapy can help those parts find their place, because each piece of you matters.

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