Vicki Louise Therapy

30/08/2026

Today is Grief Awareness Day 🥰

As a therapist, one of the most important things I want people to know about grief is this: there is no “right” way to grieve.

Grief is not a problem to be solved or an emotion that needs to be fixed. It is a natural response to losing someone, something, or a version of life that mattered deeply to you.

We often talk about grief as though it follows a predictable path. You move through anger, sadness, acceptance, and eventually “get over it.” In reality, grief is rarely that simple.

You can feel devastated one morning and surprisingly okay that afternoon. You can laugh with friends and then feel guilty because you laughed. You can believe you are beginning to heal, only to have a familiar song, smell, photograph, date, or memory bring the pain back unexpectedly.

None of this means you are doing grief wrong.

From a therapeutic perspective, grief is often less about letting go and more about learning to live with what has changed.

The relationship may have changed, but the love doesn’t necessarily disappear.

You may still talk to the person in your head. You may still find yourself wanting to tell them something. You may continue traditions, keep photographs, visit places that remind you of them, or carry their values forward in your own life.

These things aren’t necessarily signs that you’re “stuck.”

Sometimes they are ways of maintaining a healthy connection while your life gradually adjusts to their absence.

Grief can also bring emotions that people don’t always expect.

There may be sadness, but also anger.

There may be guilt, regret, relief, numbness, fear, loneliness, confusion, resentment, or even moments of happiness.

And sometimes people feel nothing at all.

Numbness can be the mind’s way of protecting you when something feels too overwhelming to process all at once.

As therapists, we also understand that grief isn’t limited to death. People grieve relationships that ended, friendships that changed, infertility, illness, careers, homes, identities, dreams, opportunities, and the future they thought they were going to have.

You can grieve someone who is still alive.

You can grieve a version of yourself.

You can grieve a life that never happened.

And those losses can be just as emotionally significant.

One of the hardest parts of grief is that the world often expects you to return to normal long before you actually feel ready.

Work continues.

Bills still need paying.

People around you carry on with their lives.

Eventually, the phone calls and messages may become less frequent.

Others may stop asking how you are.

But internally, you may still be trying to understand how your world has changed.

So please don’t measure your healing by someone else’s timeline.

There is no deadline for missing someone.

There is no specific point at which you should be “over it.”

And healing does not mean that you stop caring.

Sometimes healing looks very ordinary.

It looks like getting out of bed.

Eating something.

Taking a shower.

Going for a walk.

Answering one message.

Going back to work.

Laughing without feeling guilty.

Having a good day and allowing yourself to enjoy it.

Then having a difficult day and giving yourself permission to struggle.

There may come a time when you realise that you haven’t thought about your loss for several hours, and then you may feel guilty for that too.

But remembering someone every minute isn’t proof that you loved them more.

Allowing yourself to live is not a betrayal of the person or life you lost.

You are allowed to keep living.

You are allowed to experience joy again.

You are allowed to make new memories.

You are allowed to laugh.

You are allowed to have a future.

And you are also allowed to miss what you’ve lost.

If you are grieving right now, try not to ask yourself, “Why am I not over this yet?”

A gentler question might be:

“What do I need today?”

Maybe you need company.

Maybe you need solitude.

Maybe you need to cry.

Maybe you need to talk about the person you lost.

Maybe you need a distraction.

Maybe you need professional support.

There is no shame in needing help.

Therapy cannot erase grief, and a therapist cannot take the pain away. But therapy can provide a safe space where you don’t have to make your grief smaller, hide it, or worry about making other people uncomfortable.

You can bring the anger.

The tears.

The guilt.

The questions.

The memories.

The things you wish you had said.

The things you wish had happened differently.

And sometimes, simply having someone sit with you in that pain can make it feel a little less lonely.

Grief is not something you have to conquer.

It is something you learn to carry.

And over time, the weight may change.

Not necessarily because you loved less, but because you have slowly learned how to carry the love alongside the loss.

So if you’re grieving today, be gentle with yourself.

You are not weak because you’re struggling.

You are not broken because you’re still hurting.

You are not behind because someone else seems to be coping differently.

You are human.

And grief is often the price we pay for having loved deeply.

You don’t have to rush your healing. You just have to keep taking the next step.

12/08/2026

“If your peace depends on everything going right, that’s not actually peace. That’s control”.

Real peace isn’t the absence of problems.

It’s not having every outcome planned, knowing exactly what someone is thinking, being certain about what happens next, or making sure nothing ever goes wrong.

Because the truth is, life will always contain uncertainty.

People will change their minds. Plans will fall apart. Doors will close. Things won’t always go the way you imagined. Sometimes, despite doing everything “right,” you’ll still end up facing an outcome you didn’t want.

And that’s where the difference between peace and control becomes clear.

Control says:

“I’ll be okay when everything works out.”

Peace says:

“I’ll be okay even if it doesn’t.”

That doesn’t mean becoming passive or pretending you don’t care. It means learning to separate what you can influence from what you cannot control.

You can control how you respond.
You can control the boundaries you set.
You can control the effort you give.
You can control whether you walk away from what no longer serves you.
You can control the meaning you choose to give an experience.

But you cannot control other people, every outcome, timing, circumstances, or what tomorrow brings.

And constantly trying to control those things can feel like anxiety disguised as preparation.

You keep checking.
You keep overthinking.
You keep needing reassurance.
You keep trying to predict every possible outcome so you can finally relax.

But there is always another “what if.”

The real skill is learning to remain grounded when you don’t have all the answers.

To be able to say:

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I trust myself to handle it when it does.”

That is stability.

That is emotional resilience.

And honestly, it’s one of the most underrated skills you can develop.

Because life doesn’t become peaceful because everything becomes predictable.

Life becomes more peaceful when you become less dependent on predictability to feel okay.

You stop needing certainty before you allow yourself to breathe.

You stop believing that every uncomfortable feeling needs to be fixed immediately.

You stop treating uncertainty as proof that something is wrong.

And slowly, you realise:

I don’t need to control everything to be okay.

Sometimes peace isn’t getting the outcome you wanted.

Sometimes peace is knowing that whatever outcome comes, you’ll find your way through it.

12/07/2026

Alcohol Awareness Week 2026 is centred around the theme “Alcohol and me,” inviting us all to take a moment to reflect on our own relationship with alcohol and the role it plays in our lives. Rather than focusing on judgement, this year’s campaign encourages honest, compassionate conversations that help us better understand how alcohol may affect our health, wellbeing, relationships and everyday life. (⁠Alcohol Change UK (https://alcoholchange.org.uk/get-involved/campaigns/alcohol-awareness-week-1?utm_source=chatgpt.com))

For many people, alcohol is part of social occasions, celebrations, or a way to unwind. But for others, it can gradually become something they rely on to cope with stress, grief, anxiety, depression, loneliness, or difficult life experiences.

This week is a reminder that support is available, and that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether you’re thinking about cutting back, taking a break, supporting a loved one, or simply learning more, every positive step matters.

As professionals, we know that change rarely happens overnight. It starts with awareness, honest conversations, and compassionate support. Creating safe spaces where people feel heard and not judged can make all the difference.

Let’s use Alcohol Awareness Week to challenge stigma, promote understanding, and encourage healthier conversations about alcohol and wellbeing.

💙 If this resonates with you or someone you know, remember you are not alone, and support is available.

17/06/2026

Boundaries aren’t walls they’re bridges to healthier relationships.

One of the biggest misconceptions I hear in therapy is that setting boundaries is selfish. In reality, boundaries are a way of communicating what we need in order to feel safe, respected, and emotionally well.

So, what are boundaries?
They are the limits we set around our time, energy, emotions, and relationships. They help us define what we’re comfortable with and what we’re not, allowing us to show up authentically rather than from a place of resentment or exhaustion.

Why do so many people struggle with boundaries?
For many, it starts early. You may have learned that keeping others happy was more important than meeting your own needs. Perhaps saying “no” led to guilt, conflict, or rejection. People-pleasing, fear of disappointing others, low self-worth, or growing up in environments where boundaries weren’t respected can all make it difficult to understand and implement boundaries.

The result? Feeling overwhelmed, taken for granted, emotionally drained, or disconnected from yourself.

How can therapy help?
Therapy offers a space to explore your relationship with boundaries without judgment. Together, we can identify the beliefs that make boundaries feel uncomfortable, understand where those patterns developed, and practise new ways of communicating your needs with confidence and compassion.

Healthy boundaries don’t push people away they create relationships built on mutual respect, trust, and honesty.

Remember: Every time you honour your own limits, you’re teaching others how to treat you and reinforcing the message that your needs matter too.

29/05/2026

A good read for anyone who may not always realise the impact their questions can have on others, and who is interested in approaching conversations with greater understanding.

Unfortunately as a society we've placed alcohol on a pedestal, putting it in the spotlight of our lives. Whether it's unwinding from work, celebrating life's big moments or just for the sake of the sun being out. It's no surprise either with the sheer amount of alcohol marketing we are faced with in our day to day lives when we're watching TV, on our phone or just waiting for the bus!

By sober shaming others, we’re upholding society’s view that drinking alcohol is normal and not drinking is not. It’s in everybody’s interest to break down this view so we can all make our own choices about alcohol, free from any judgement.

Find out more about sober shaming and how we can stop it👇
https://alcoholchange.org.uk/get-involved/campaigns/stopsobershaming

17/05/2026

As Mental Health Awareness Week draws to a close, I hope everyone has taken some time for themselves and reached out for support where needed.

This week, I’ve been fortunate enough to take part in an amazing wellbeing day, spend quality time with my children, and enjoy some much needed self-care with a facial and massage. This week is always a reminder for me that we can only truly help and care for others when we are taking care of ourselves. Life is busy and we can not pour from an empty cup. 🥰

Please remember to be kind to yourself every day not just during Mental Health Awareness Week. And most importantly never be afraid to reach out for support when you need it. 💚

10/05/2026

Mental Health Awareness Week starts tomorrow, and I want to gently remind you of something many people forget:

You do not have to earn rest.
You do not have to wait until burnout to ask for support.
You do not have to carry everything alone.

This week isn’t about having all the answers or pretending everything is okay. It’s about slowing down enough to check in with yourself, with the people around you, and with the communities we’re all part of. It’s about recognising that care matters, connection matters, and none of us are meant to do life entirely on our own.

Mental health isn’t just about crisis it’s about the everyday moments too. The pressure you hide behind a smile. The exhaustion you explain away. The anxiety that keeps your mind racing at 2am. The feeling of being overwhelmed while still trying to hold it all together.

Check in with yourself.
Check in with someone you care about.
Take the break.
Set the boundary.
Book the appointment.
Say the thing you’ve been holding in.

Sometimes the smallest acts of care can make the biggest difference both for ourselves and for someone else.

Healing rarely happens all at once. It happens in small consistent moments of compassion, honesty, and support.

This Mental Health Awareness Week, remember: taking care of yourself is important, looking out for others is powerful, and creating a kinder, more supportive world benefits all of us.

04/05/2026

Recently, I have been working with a growing number of clients who are struggling with suicidal ideation. I am noticing this especially among men of all ages, although it is by no means limited to them.

There isn’t one single cause for this. For many it’s a combination of pressures quietly building over time such as financial stress, relationship challenges, loneliness, a lack of purpose, or the feeling that they have to “hold it all together” without asking for help. A lot of men in particular have been conditioned to suppress emotion which can leave them feeling isolated even when they’re surrounded by people.

We are also living in a time where connection is often replaced with comparison. Social media can make people feel like they’re falling behind while real, meaningful conversations become less frequent. Add in burnout, poor sleep, and disconnection from the body, and it is not surprising that many are feeling overwhelmed.

While everyone’s situation is unique, there are some small but powerful foundations that can help:

• Movement – Regular exercise even a daily walk can shift mood, reduce stress, and reconnect you with your body.

• Nutrition – What we eat directly affects how we feel. Stable blood sugar, whole foods, and proper hydration matter more than we think.

• Connection – Honest conversations with someone you trust can make a huge difference. You don’t have to carry everything alone.

• Routine & purpose – Having some structure and a sense of direction even small goals can help.

• Rest – Sleep and downtime are not luxuries they’re essential for mental health.

• Avoiding alcohol & drugs – These can feel like a short-term escape, but they often lower mood, increase anxiety, and make difficult thoughts feel more intense over time.

If you think someone is struggling ask them directly if they are thinking about taking their own life. This does not increase the risk or “put the idea in their head”; in fact, research and clinical practice consistently show the opposite. Open, direct questions can reduce isolation, signal that it is safe to talk honestly, and help the person feel seen rather than judged. Avoiding the topic often reinforces stigma and can leave individuals feeling more alone with their thoughts. When approached calmly and without assumptions, asking about suicidal feelings creates an opportunity to assess risk, offer support, and connect the person with appropriate help.

Most importantly, if you are struggling please do not do so in silence. Reaching out is not weakness it is strength.

If this resonates with you or someone you know, check in. A simple message or conversation can go further than you realise.

21/04/2026

Loving someone who struggles with addiction can feel exhausting, confusing, heartbreaking, and so much more.

Addiction doesn’t only affect the person in addiction it deeply impacts partners, children, parents, siblings, and close friends. Many loved ones find themselves caught in a cycle of:

• Constant worry and anxiety.
• Walking on eggshells.
• Financial strain.
• Broken trust and repeated disappointment.
• Taking on the role of “rescuer” or “fixer”.
• Neglecting their own needs.

Over time, this can lead to emotional burnout, resentment, sleep difficulties, low mood, and feeling isolated from others. You might question yourself or you may feel guilt for setting boundaries. You might feel responsible for keeping everything together even when it feels impossible and like you are breaking into a million pieces.

It is helpful and necessary to take care of yourself. Seeking therapy as a loved one is not selfish it is protective and can help with:

• Rebuild healthy boundaries.
• Understand codependency patterns.
• Process anger, grief, fear, and sadness.
• Regain clarity and confidence.
• Learn how to support without enabling.

If you are loving someone through addiction and feeling overwhelmed, please know you are not alone. There is space for your pain, your confusion, and your hope.