Death, funerals and me

12/02/2026

My xennial heart is sad, really really sad.
I know we’ve lost many a celebrity, legend, even, in the last few years. It’s felt a bit relentless hasn’t it; we’re still processing that Catherine O’Hara has left us.

James Van Der Beek might not be a big name to some, but he was part of something that will forever feel to me and many others, like nostalgic warmth and comfort, with a whole load of teenage angst wrapped inside. The post I’m sharing expresses that just perfectly. (Probable written by AI but I’m going to put my dislike of that to one side on this occasion)

But beyond that, it’s clear that he was an incredible human being, husband, father, and friend. And that’s the most important thing. Even if his work wasn’t your thing, I think you’d be hard pressed to not be moved or inspired by the way he spoke about his children and his life.

I followed him on the socials, I knew he was poorly, I knew he was too ill to attend the Dawson’s Creek reunion at the end of last year, but it sounded like that was an illness on top of his cancer.

Since then, he’d been seen out and posted videos of his family only recently. So, it was a real shock to read that quietly and gracefully, for the last few weeks, he’d stopped active treatment and spent his last days and weeks with loved ones under hospice care.

What a guy. I hope his family will be surrounded by love and support, not just now, but always.
Time for another re-watch. 😢

James Van Der Beek has died aged 48, and suddenly an entire generation feels like we just lost a piece of our teenage years.

Before streaming.
Before binge-watching.
Before phones in our hands.

There was a small town called Capeside.

There was a bedroom with posters on the wall.
A TV glowing late at night.
And a theme song that instantly pulled you in.

Dawson’s Creek wasn’t just a show.
It was how we processed first love.
Friendships that changed.
Dreams that felt bigger than our hometowns.

We watched Dawson, Joey, Pacey, Jen —
while we were figuring out who we were too.

Late 90s TV hit differently.

You waited a week for the next episode.
You talked about it at school the next day.
You felt those long dock conversations like they were your own.

And now, hearing this news…
it doesn’t just feel like losing an actor.

It feels like closing the door on a chapter of youth.

The music.
The awkward emotions.
The belief that everything felt huge at 16.

For many of us, that show played during some of the most defining years of our lives.

Tonight, a lot of 90s kids are remembering where they were when they first watched it.

And maybe realizing how fast the years have gone.

So long James Van Der Beek.
Thank you for being part of our growing up. 💔

30/01/2026

JANUARY BLUES

January. Over and out. In a work sense. What a month! Psychologically, it's longest month, and for me it's been a month where I've done the most funeral services I've ever done. I'm in territory now that a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have thought possible.

So it's been long and it's been hard, it's dark and it's cold and the weather has been, in the main, pretty miserable!! But it's also been rewarding and humbling and I'm constantly grateful for the work that comes my way and the people I meet along the way.

Next month looks set to be a little quieter, and with February half term on the horizon, I've so far stood firm on taking a couple of days off (and wouldn't you just believe I've regrettably had to say I'm sorry four times already for those days, including two personal requests, which is always extremely difficult).

Today was a gentle, sad, but poignant end to the week, with a service close to home, for a lovely family I've now worked with three times. Leeds United shirts were the order of the day...which I didn't join in with, but I did go for a navy number, which matched with some of the away shirts. The family kindly gave me some flowers from the arrangement to take home. 💕

I've also paid the remainder of my tax bill. So if you see me looking rather unwell, be gentle, please. Be gentle to all the self employed souls you know. It's a tough time. 🤢😑🙃

09/11/2025

07/11/2025

7th November.
This day last year was a day I'll never forget; some of it's a blur and some of it will continue to blur over time, but some things will stay with me.

Most of all, I'll remember how it felt - the utter heart break of what happened; the colliding of my personal and professional life, standing there in front of everyone, knowing I had to get through that service.

It remains one of the hardest things I've ever done but something I'm proud to say I did.

A fellow celebrant posted this quote yesterday (FIRST PHOTO) and I felt it for so many reasons...I'm trying to hold on to the notion that if life ever gets simpler in the future, it might feel almost easy! There is a lot going on at the moment, I've said before and I'll say it again - I'm so grateful for my support network and the ones who show up.

Yesterday, I did a hard thing, professionally...a service for a baby is one of the biggest challenges we face as celebrants. What a thing to be trusted with.

I read that quote in the morning and reminded myself that I know I can get through, even when it's tough. I'll definitely have a moment, I'll have a wobble, I'll probably tell you about it, I'll feel it all, but I'll do it.

On Tuesday, I have another family funeral (October and I need a serious chat) and I've been asked to help, it will be different to last year, but I'll be trying to channel that same strength.

Today was collector's item - no services, no visits, script work to do, yes, but breakfast with a friend was just the tonic.
I can't believe it’s been a year, and it still hurts like hell.

20/10/2025

20 years.

It’s hard to wrap my head around that. And I don’t know what words I have today, but I had to recognise it. How much has happened in those 20 years…

October is such a strange month for me, it already was – I started this page two years ago talking about exactly that….but throw in what happened on 16th October last year, and therefore hitting a one year ‘anniversary’ and 20 year ‘anniversary’ in the space of few days is significant…I think I can extend myself that grace. On the one hand, nothing changes, but it still feels a lot to process.

And it’s my birthday tomorrow, so that’s why for 18 years, October felt like a weird mix of everything, then last year came along just to take the actual p**s. There I was last year on my birthday at Radcliffe’s Funeral Directors planning Anne’s funeral. Completely surreal…you couldn’t make it up really. So, this year, I’m taking the day off.

And such is the way of things, that my mum is right now preparing to make the move from our family home, having been there since 1986, so it all really feels like a strange sort of milestone. New chapters can be exciting and sad at the same time.

What I’ve experienced from being thrust into the realty of living with such a significant loss, at that stage in my life, is that it has shaped me, I can’t deny that, and I think it did define me for a while....but not forever, and now I know there’s so much life out there, and that you can find peace.

When so much time has passed, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt – it always will, but different feelings come along too – including an inescapable sense of distance…to the event, to the person, to the person you were. You think about everything they’ve missed and that they don’t know the ‘you’ that you are now.

I could say so much more, maybe it’s because there’s a lot of things going on right now or just the constant busyness that is my life, I don’t know.

Today, I’m so so grateful for the love and support I have.
I’ve been trying to decide whether to step back from this page. I’m undecided right now, but if I do, it does feel like a full circle moment - having started on this very topic, maybe I will end on it. Life is rarely neat and tidy, but sometimes these little patterns just show themselves.