Heather Garbutt Love & Relationship Coach

04/08/2026

Good men rarely make you anxious.

This surprises people every time I say it. We have been taught to read intensity as attraction and calm as a lack of spark. So when a genuinely available man shows up steady, consistent and easy to trust, some women feel almost nothing and quietly lose interest.

That flatness is not boredom. It is often the simple absence of anxiety your nervous system has learned to associate with love. If chaos has felt like chemistry for a long time, calm can feel unfamiliar rather than wrong.

Learning to recognise safety as attractive, rather than as boring, is real work. It does not happen by reading one post about it. It happens slowly, with support, as you build a felt sense of what secure actually feels like in your body.

This is part of the deeper, foundational work I help women do, well before they are ready to meet someone new.

More on how I hold that process is coming soon.

29/07/2026

Falling in love again after loss can feel like a kind of betrayal. It never is.

I was recently asked to comment for Woman magazine on exactly this, what it looks like to open your heart again after losing someone you built a life with.
Here is what I know from decades of sitting with this. Joy and grief are not opposites competing for space. They can exist in the same body, at the same time, without either one cancelling the other out.

Someone who has loved fully once, lost that love and is still willing to try again is showing you something real. That takes courage. It is not nothing.
What matters just as much is what happens with the person who came before. Not comparison. Not quiet competition. Simply acknowledgement: this new relationship is being built alongside a real history, not instead of it. one person does not replace another. They are totally different.

The mistake I see most often is assuming rather than asking. Assuming you know how your partner feels about their past. Assuming they know how you feel about yours. Grief and new love both need the same thing, honest conversation, held gently, again and again.

The past does not need to be erased for something new to grow. It simply needs a relationship spacious enough to hold both.

If you are somewhere in the middle of this, be patient with yourself. This is tender, layered work. There is no timeline you are supposed to be keeping to.

Swipe through for more from the piece.

27/07/2026

This days a lot about the blueprints we come into the world with because of our relational patterns are small children. When we do the work this can change and make such a difference to our adult life. Watch out for my new programme coming soon. hxXx

Dr. Gabor Maté, a world-renowned expert on trauma, stress and addic...

23/07/2026

20/07/2026

For a long time, I thought it was just bad luck.

Man after man who could not or would not show up. Always a reason. Always someone I told myself was simply unavailable at the wrong moment.
It took years of doing the work to understand that it was not luck at all. It was a pattern. Patterns are not broken by insight alone.

We all carry a relationship blueprint, formed long before we had the language for it. It quietly decides who feels safe to choose, even when that person is the least safe choice we could make.

The women I work with are not choosing badly because they lack self-awareness. Most of them are painfully self-aware. What they are missing is not more information. It is the sustained, supported work of actually changing the pattern, not just naming it.

That is the foundational work behind any lasting, transforming change. Not a weekend of insight, but real, held, change over time.
If this is landing, I write about this properly in my newsletter each week. You can sign up here www.heathergarbutt.com/newsletter

15/07/2026

When women do their work…..

15/07/2026

28/06/2026

If you are over forty and you are still looking for love, still believing it is out there for you, I want to tell you that is one of the bravest things I know.

The women I work with at this stage have usually done more work on themselves than almost anyone around them. They have looked honestly at their patterns. They have changed things that were genuinely hard to change. They show up differently than they did five years ago.

They are still waiting.

That gap is real. It is exhausting. It does not mean the work was wasted. It means there is something still to complete, something that understanding alone was never going to shift.

I am putting together a very small summer school later this year, a maximum of six women, designed specifically for this moment in the journey. We will work through three things together: getting really clear on what you are looking for and building a strong vision for the relationship you want to call in, uncovering the emotional blueprints and patterns that have been running beneath the surface, and then moving through them, releasing what needs to be released so it stops travelling with you into every new beginning.

Places are very limited and I will be filling them quietly before any wider announcement. If this is resonating, send me a DM and I will make sure you hear about it first.

25/06/2026

Do you know that feeling when you meet someone and instead of the usual noise in your head, the is he interested, is this going anywhere, am I reading this right, there is just a quiet sense of yes?

That is not luck. That is your nervous system having done the work.

The first thing that shifts when a woman genuinely heals her relationship patterns is not who she meets. It is how she reads the room. She stops needing a pros and cons list. She stops second-guessing herself into exhaustion. She feels it in her body before her mind has caught up. She recognises genuine emotional availability because she has built that capacity in herself. The jigsaw pieces fit, and she knows it.

If you are starting to notice that shift in yourself, that your instincts feel sharper, that you are more quickly able to tell the difference between someone who is genuinely present and someone who just looks good on paper, that is not a small thing. That is the work landing.

If you are not there yet but you can feel yourself getting closer, that is exactly where I want to meet you.

I am putting together a small summer school for later this year. A maximum of six women. The focus is on completing the patterns that have kept repeating so that this kind of embodied discernment becomes yours, not as a concept but as a lived experience you can feel.

Places are very limited and I will be filling them quietly before any wider announcement. If this is speaking to you, send me a DM and I will make sure you hear about it first.