09/07/2026
With an very extremely stress-full start to this year with my Mum's health, I stayed with her for 9.5weeks. It was a very intense time, I WAS STRONG, POWERFUL AND CRUMBLING APART AT THE SAME TIME.
It was through this time I realised how broken I had become, FRACTURED FROM MYSELF. I did everything possible to support my Mum and my actions helped to save her life, however I also was struggling with such IMPOSTER SYNDROME fuelled by 2 full on MELT DOWNS (one in a supermarket, the second in Lime Street station). It started when my Mum was in hospital, with subtle tickly cough style panic attacks which did not seem like panic attacks to begin with. MY BODY WAS SHOWING ME SIGNS.
I WAS EXACTLY WHERE I NEEDED BE and felt so much gratitude for myself that I could be there for the whole time and with all my life experience and knowledge. I was fully able to support my Mum 247 and fight her corner (even supporting others in my Mum's network as situations arose).
I needed to deduce what was happening with myself and why I was experiencing such polar opposites. All the meditation, breathwork, yogic practices and shadow work that I teach (plus some calls with a couple of supportive and none-judgmental friends who allowed me to defizz), kept me going and I used my practices to bring myself back down. However I knew I was still SPIRITUALLY BYPASSING.
I watched the "Christine McGuinness Breaks Down Over Late AuDHD Diagnosis" interview with "ADHD Chatter Podcast". 95% of what Christine described, was her describing me. I went on to meet with Autism Support, was screened positive for AuDHD and so my whole life experience with myself made so much more sense...
I WAS BEING SHOWN TO MYSELF THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I AM WITH ALL MY MASKING AND CAMOUFLAGING. WHO AM I UNDERNEATH ALL THAT
With a foot in both worlds and observing myself with so much awareness and at the age of 54, this last 7 months I am bringing myself up into the light like I never have before. I am the 'Tower Card' in the tarot inside and out, as I peel back my layers of self conditioning and suffocating conformity.
It is a little scary at times, moreover it is also an exciting and liberating time (more extreme and more intense than any other period in my life). I am seeing and feeling so much more of myself as begin to realise and separate what is mine and what is projected or is being emanated from others.
As an empath and clairsentient being, everything was just one inside of me and now I am really beginning to sense the subtle differences. With even more self regulation practices and a magnifying glass, my nervous system and whole being is becoming less overwhelmed.
🪷AFFIRMATION🪷
'I am transforming myself and evolving into the true cosmic being within this physical life experience!
SOME POINTS THAT HIT HOME FOR ME FROM THE VIDEO CLIP 👇
-Feel your are meant for more, yet hide the whole self away and shrink inside
-Being invisible became self protection
-Internal suffering from not expressing fully, feels disconnected from self
-Edit personality for whom we are with to avoid judgement
-Being seen can feel dangerous within the body
-Minimising the self and performing emotional invisibility is exhausting
-Self suppressing and shapeshifting to not stand out constantly drains energy
-Emotionally unseen while physically visible
-Tired over editing self, playing small and the self digestible for people who would never fully understand us anyway
-Turning point is when we realise we are abandoning ourselves
-Hiding becomes unbearable
-Our Spirit becomes exhausted from carrying versions of the self that no longer fit
-Realise we can't keep on living half expressed, it feels s**t
-Healing is learning to exist honestly without apologising for it, seeing where we water ourselves down
-Build self trust by being seen
-Take up space in a room without shrinking our energy to comfort everyone else
-Evolution from needing to be accepted versions for others
-Breaking through years of conditioning and stopping to hide who we are is freeing the self
-Allow the soul to breathe as the Spirit refuses to stay hidden
-Heavy masks, the pretending and self editing have become exhausting
-We are remembering we can fully exist and stop negotiating with our own existence
🙏Thank you to Holistically Rah for sharing the clip, which has put so much into perspective 🙏
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