06/07/2026
I’ve been reflecting on a couple of things that have been coming up in therapy of late.
One of those things is about what it’s like to grow beyond our current relationships. When we change, and expand, and become someone new, we can grow apart from those we love.
Sometimes we outgrow friendships, especially if we have risen to a new level of consciousness, but our friends have not. It can be an incredibly lonely place. And a place full of sadness. We can only invite others to rise with us, what they do is out of our control.
I believe that we are on our own unique journey and try as we might, we can’t always take everyone along with us. They are on their own journey too and they might not be ready or willing to go where we are going. Sometimes, that might see us going in different directions. ⬅️➡️
Sometimes friendships do sadly come to an end, and this can be really hard to accept. We can grieve those losses very deeply. And what is sometimes even harder to cope with is when we grow apart from our own family. We can spend our lives stuck in a difficult dynamic wrestling with how we can both stay the person they want us to be while also trying to let this new version of ourselves take shape. The short answer is, both things are not possible at the same time. In order to bring forth the new - we need to let go of the old.
Doing the self-developmental inner work of therapy often will result in us growing and changing. And sometimes - those closest to us won’t like this! I think this is because it forces them to have to reflect and think about themselves and some people find this really hard to do.
When we start to recognise unhealthy patterns of relating in ourselves and others, implement our own boundaries to keep us safe from harm, align ourselves more clearly with our own values we will sadly sometimes naturally move away from other people.
I believe, in the Buddhist idea that life is a constant string of letting things go. It’s when we hold on to things - and people - so tightly that’s what causes the tension. When we let go, the tension and struggle disappears. We might be left with our feelings about it - and that’s our stuff to work through.
In therapy, I help people to recognise the choices they have; to see that they could keep themselves small, and stuck and stay as the version of themselves that makes other people comfortable and yes, that might please other people. But in doing so, they aren’t living their true potential and honouring their own life.
We have to ask - who am I living my life for?
And if I choose to keep myself the same to please those around me, what happens to the person I really am inside? Where do they go?
Life is too short to spend it pleasing other people.
There’s a great saying that I always come back to and it’s this —
You could lay on the floor and let people walk all over you, and someone will still complain that you’re not flat enough!!
Moral of the story - you cannot please everyone, so you might as well just be yourself!
Sometimes being fully our whole selves takes real courage. The courage to be cast as the villain in someone else’s story of you - the courage to be disliked and misunderstood.
But always remember, that’s just their perspective, it doesn’t have to be yours.
If we don’t choose ourselves — who else is going to?
If this sounds familiar, why not book some sessions with me. I can support you while you navigate the road ahead.
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