Jan Scoones Counselling & Psychotherapy

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Jan Scoones Counselling & Psychotherapy MBACP (Accred)
Do you feel stuck, overwhelmed or sad. Perhaps counselling can help.

What if we measured success by how connected we feel, rather than by what we have?Dr Gabor Maté has long argued that a c...
12/10/2026

What if we measured success by how connected we feel, rather than by what we have?

Dr Gabor Maté has long argued that a culture focused on consuming more, rather than connecting more, takes a real toll on our mental health.

As a counsellor, I see this often. People who are doing everything “right” on paper, yet feel exhausted, anxious or strangely empty. So often, what’s missing isn’t more achievement. It’s connection, with others and with ourselves.

Connection isn’t a luxury. It’s a need.

What helps you feel most connected? I’d love to hear in the comments.

What does love really look like when you're healing from trauma?Often, it's not the big romantic gestures. It's the quie...
09/10/2026

What does love really look like when you're healing from trauma?

Often, it's not the big romantic gestures. It's the quiet, everyday consistency. Someone whose words match their actions. Someone who turns up when they say they will. Someone who stays kind, even when things get difficult.

If love felt unpredictable when you were growing up, your nervous system may have learned to stay on high alert, always watching for signs that someone might leave. Consistent care helps to gently show it that it's safe to relax.

As an online counsellor, I see how much healing can happen when people experience this kind of steady safety, in their relationships and in therapy.

Is there someone who has been a steady presence for you? Share this with them, and feel free to get in touch if you'd like support.

Have you ever felt worn out from holding everything together for everyone else?Many of us took on certain jobs in childh...
07/10/2026

Have you ever felt worn out from holding everything together for everyone else?

Many of us took on certain jobs in childhood without ever realising it. It was never your job to:

These roles often start as a way to feel safe or loved. As an online counsellor, I see how they show up later in adult relationships as people-pleasing, difficulty saying no and feeling responsible for everyone else's happiness.

The good news is that these patterns can change. If this resonates, share it with someone who might need the reminder, and feel free to get in touch if you'd like support.

Why do we keep finding ourselves in the same painful relationship patterns, even when we know they hurt us?The answer of...
05/10/2026

Why do we keep finding ourselves in the same painful relationship patterns, even when we know they hurt us?

The answer often lies in our earliest relationships.

The way we were cared for as children creates a template for how we expect love and connection to work as adults.

When that template is shaped by trauma, whether obvious or subtle, it can show up as difficulty trusting, struggling with boundaries, avoiding conflict or feeling drawn to partners who feel familiar but unhealthy.

The good news?

These patterns can change. Awareness is the first step towards healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Read the full blog on my website, and reach out if you'd like support.

Do you ever worry that setting a boundary or saying no makes you unkind?So many of us grew up believing that kindness me...
02/10/2026

Do you ever worry that setting a boundary or saying no makes you unkind?

So many of us grew up believing that kindness means constant self-sacrifice - always saying yes, avoiding conflict, and putting everyone else's needs above our own.

But true kindness isn't about disappearing to keep others comfortable.

You can be deeply kind and still say no.

You can care about people and still walk away from what harms you.

You can be compassionate and still speak honestly, even when it's uncomfortable.

Kindness towards others should never come at the cost of abandoning yourself.

Protecting your peace, your time, and your boundaries isn't unkind - it's essential.

Have you ever felt exhausted after finally starting to heal, wondering why rest feels so necessary when things are suppo...
30/09/2026

Have you ever felt exhausted after finally starting to heal, wondering why rest feels so necessary when things are supposedly getting better?

Healing isn't just emotional - it's deeply physical too.

When you begin processing past trauma and step out of chronic fight-or-flight mode, your nervous system starts to recalibrate.

That exhaustion you feel isn't laziness; it's your body finally being given permission to rest after being on high alert for months, years, or even decades.

This is why healing often looks like sleeping more, needing quiet, or feeling drained even when nothing "bad" is happening.

Be patient with your body. It's not falling behind - it's finally catching up on the calm it never had.

Have you ever stopped to think about the relationship you have with your younger self?For so many of us, that inner chil...
28/09/2026

Have you ever stopped to think about the relationship you have with your younger self?

For so many of us, that inner child grew up feeling unheard, unprotected, or unseen.

And now, as adults, we have the chance to become what we once needed - someone who watches over, protects, guides, and truly loves that vulnerable part of ourselves.

This isn't about dwelling in the past; it's about actively rebuilding trust with the child within.

Every time you set a boundary, speak kindly to yourself, or choose safety over old patterns, you're showing your inner child that you can be trusted.

This sacred relationship between who you are now and who you once were is at the very heart of healing.

What if the behaviour that frustrates you most is really a message waiting to be heard?Beneath every behaviour is a feel...
25/09/2026

What if the behaviour that frustrates you most is really a message waiting to be heard?

Beneath every behaviour is a feeling, and beneath every feeling is a need.

When we react only to what we can see, we end up managing symptoms and missing the cause. Whether it is a child's meltdown, a partner's withdrawal or our own habit of people pleasing, curiosity can open a different conversation.

Next time emotions run high, pause and ask: what is this really about, and what might be needed here?

Meeting the need with compassion is where real change begins.

Save this as a reminder and share it with someone who needs to read it today.

What if healthy love is less about grand gestures and more about five simple habits?The 5 A's, shared by author and psyc...
23/09/2026

What if healthy love is less about grand gestures and more about five simple habits?

The 5 A's, shared by author and psychotherapist David Richo, offer a gentle guide to being an adult in a relationship: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing.

Together, they create the safety and freedom that secure connection needs to grow.

Swipe through to see how each one can show up in your everyday life, and notice which feels natural and which needs a little more care.

Whether you are in a relationship or building the one you have with yourself, small shifts matter.

Save this post and share it with someone you love.

What if the love you keep chasing is really an attempt to heal something from long ago?Many of us learn early on that af...
21/09/2026

What if the love you keep chasing is really an attempt to heal something from long ago?

Many of us learn early on that affection has to be earned, or that being alone is unsafe.

Those childhood emotional wounds can quietly shape our adult relationships, leading us to seek validation, overlook red flags and put our own needs last.

If you have ever felt incomplete without a partner, you are not broken, and you are not alone.

Understanding where these patterns begin is the first step towards changing them.

With the right support, you can build self-worth, set healthy boundaries and create relationships that nourish you.

Address

Milestone Avenue
Reading
RG109TN

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Monday 9am - 5pm
Tuesday 9am - 5pm
Wednesday 9am - 5pm
Thursday 9am - 5pm
Friday 9am - 5pm

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+447522467471

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