CBT With Beth

01/10/2026

“I know I’m overthinking, but I can’t stop.”
I hear this a lot.
And sometimes the answer isn't simply to try harder to stop thinking.
Our minds usually have a reason for doing what they do. Overthinking can give us a sense that we're preventing something bad from happening, learning from our mistakes, or preparing for the future or keeping ourselves safe.
The tricky part is noticing when useful thinking has turned into going round in circles.
And sometimes you can know something rationally, without actually feeling it yet. Your head has got there, but your heart hasn't quite caught up.
I've written more about this in my latest blog, including the idea of head and heart lag, wise mind, and why it can be helpful to understand what your overthinking is trying to do for you.
Link in bio.

17/09/2026

“I don’t want to upset anyone.”
“They’ll think I’m being difficult.”
“What if they’re annoyed with me?”
“It’s easier just to say yes.”

If you have low self-esteem, being assertive can feel really uncomfortable.
You might know exactly what you want to say in your head, but when the moment comes, you find yourself agreeing, apologising or putting your own needs to one side.
One reason for this might be that along the way, you may have learned that being a “good” person means being helpful, easy-going and not causing a fuss.
So speaking up can feel almost… wrong. There can be a fear that if you start saying what you actually think or need, people will see you differently.

But being assertive doesn't mean getting your own way.

It doesn't mean being bossy.
It doesn't mean you don't care about other people's feelings.
It means being able to care about their needs AND your needs.
And sometimes, being assertive will mean that someone is disappointed.
That's uncomfortable, but it doesn't necessarily mean you've done something wrong.

You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to ask for what you need.
You are allowed to disagree.
You are allowed to take up space.
And perhaps most importantly…
You don't have to make yourself smaller to be a good person. 💚

Learning to be more assertive can be an important part of building self-esteem, because you're beginning to show yourself that your needs, opinions and feelings matter too.

11/09/2026

I asked my son what he would do if he made a mistake.

“Try again.”

“Ask for help.”

“Uh oh, never mind.”

It got me thinking about how different our relationship with mistakes can become as we grow up.

We don’t start life believing that getting something wrong means we’re not good enough. We learn to attach meaning to our mistakes.

A mistake becomes “I’m useless.”

Not knowing becomes “I should have figured this out.”

Asking for help becomes “I should be able to do this on my own.”

And somewhere along the way, being imperfect can start to feel like something we need to hide.

But perhaps we don’t need to unlearn every mistake we’ve ever made.

Perhaps we need to unlearn what we decided those mistakes meant about us.

Because making a mistake was never proof that you weren’t good enough.

It was simply proof that you were learning, trying, and being human.

Maybe the way we speak to ourselves as adults could be a little more like the way we speak to our children.

Try again.
Ask for help.
It’s okay. 💚

05/09/2026

When your alarm system goes off around other people…

Have you ever noticed that you can feel on edge around other people, even people you’re close to?
You might find yourself thinking about whether they like you, whether you’ve said the right thing, or whether they’re upset with you. Perhaps you notice yourself paying a lot of attention to other people’s reactions and trying to make sure everyone is happy.

You might change what you say depending on who you’re with.
You might struggle to say no.
You might apologise when you haven’t really done anything wrong.
You might go along with things you don’t actually want to do.
You might spend ages afterwards replaying conversations and wondering whether you came across badly.

Sometimes, people pleasing can be less about simply wanting to be kind or helpful, and more about trying to manage that feeling of “What if they don’t like me?”

It can feel as though your alarm system is constantly scanning for signs that someone might be unhappy with you. When low self-esteem is part of the picture, other people’s reactions can start to feel even more important.

If you’ve developed a belief that you’re not good enough, too much, difficult, or that you need to be liked to feel worthy, then keeping other people happy can become a way of making yourself feel safe.

“If they’re happy with me, everything is okay.”
“If I don’t upset anyone, they won’t leave or reject me.”
“If I’m helpful enough, they’ll like me.”

The problem is that this can leave you constantly monitoring other people and putting their needs ahead of your own. Your alarm system never really gets the chance to switch off.

CBT can help you understand this cycle and, importantly, begin to build a different relationship with yourself.
You don’t have to keep earning your place with other people. You don’t have to be liked by everyone to be good enough.

Have you noticed your alarm system going off when you’re around other people?

26/08/2026

You weren’t born believing you weren’t good enough.

Sometimes when we struggle with low self-esteem, it can feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with us.

“I’m just not confident.”
“I’ve always been like this.”
“I’m too sensitive.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“Everyone else seems to manage better than me.”

But these beliefs often have a history.

They can develop through repeated experiences over time; being criticised, compared to others, bullied or excluded, feeling like you had to be the “good” child, having very high expectations placed on you, or learning that approval came when you achieved or got things right.

Perhaps your feelings weren't always listened to or understood. Perhaps the responses you received from others were unpredictable. Or perhaps you experienced rejection or failure at times when you were still trying to work out who you were.

None of this means that our parents or other people necessarily intended to cause harm. And understanding where our beliefs come from isn't about blaming anyone.
It’s about making sense of them.

Because the way we see ourselves today hasn't appeared from nowhere.

And sometimes, what we believe about ourselves now made sense in the context of what we experienced then.
The really important part is that a belief isn't the same thing as a fact.

If you've spent years believing that you're not good enough, it can take time to start seeing yourself differently. But it is possible to understand these beliefs, question them and develop a kinder and more balanced view of yourself.

You are more than the experiences you've had.

What we believe about ourselves often has a history and understanding that history can be an important part of changing it.

18/08/2026

“What’s the point in trying? I’m only going to fail anyway.”

Have you ever found yourself thinking this?

Sometimes what looks like a lack of motivation, confidence or ambition can actually be something deeper.

When we experience repeated situations where we feel powerless, criticised, rejected or unable to change what is happening, we can start to learn:

“What I do doesn’t make a difference.”

This is known as **learned helplessness.

And it can become closely linked with the beliefs we develop about ourselves.

For example:

🧠 Core belief: “I’m not good enough.”

⬇️

💭 Rule for living: “It’s better not to try than to fail.”

⬇️

😟 Avoidance: Don’t apply for the job. Don’t speak up. Don’t try something new.

⬇️

😌 Short-term: Relief from the anxiety of potentially failing.

⬇️

🔄 Long-term: “See, I knew I couldn’t do it.”

And so the cycle continues.

Our past experiences can sometimes teach us things about ourselves that aren't actually true, but that doesn't mean those beliefs are easy to change.

In CBT, we can explore where these beliefs came from, how they are being maintained and, importantly, begin creating new experiences that challenge them.

You don't have to know you'll succeed before you try.

Sometimes the first step is simply asking:

“What if I tried?”

I've written a new blog exploring learned helplessness, Seligman's famous dog experiment, early experiences, core beliefs, avoidance and how CBT can help break the cycle.

👉 Read the full blog here - https://www.cbtwithbeth.co.uk/blog/18th-august-2026-learned-helplessness-why-we-sometimes-stop-trying

Have you ever thought, “What's the point in trying?” or “I'm just going to fail anyway, so there's no point” ? You might find yourself avoiding things because you already expect them to go badly. Perhaps you don't apply for that job, put off starting something new, avoid speaking up, or deci...

10/08/2026

🌿 CBT space available in Mortimer

I’ve had one space become available for CBT at my clinic in Soul Barns, Mortimer, for anyone who may be looking for some support with their mental health.

I’m a CBT therapist offering support with difficulties including anxiety, low mood, stress, low self-esteem, phobias, OCD and trauma/PTSD.

I offer both face-to-face sessions in Mortimer and Midgham, as well as online appointments, so you can choose whichever feels most comfortable and convenient.

If you, or someone you know locally, might benefit from CBT, please feel free to send me a message or have a look at my website for more information.

🌐 www.cbtwithbeth.co.uk

Please feel free to share this post with anyone who might find it helpful. 💛

Welcome to CBT With Beth CBT Therapy & Mental Health Support for Adults near Newbury, Basingstoke & Reading Berkshire Hello, I am Beth, an Accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. I provide CBT therapy for adults struggling with anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges, offering b...

16/07/2026

What if 8-year-olds understand something about emotions that many adults have forgotten?

That was my takeaway after running a workshop at my son's primary school.

When I asked the children why we have emotions, they didn't talk about getting rid of sadness or trying to be happy all the time.

Instead they told me:

✨ "Emotions help you solve problems."
✨ "Fear keeps you safe."
✨ "People know when we need a hug."

Their answers were a beautiful reminder that every emotion has a purpose.

In therapy, I often meet people who feel they need to control, avoid or eliminate difficult emotions. But what if those emotions are actually trying to communicate something important?

I've shared more of this story and what it teaches us about emotional wellbeing in my latest blog.

🔗 www.cbtwithbeth.co.uk/blog/16th-july-2026-what-a-class-of-8-year-olds-taught-me-about-why-emotions-matter

I'd love to know what you think after you've read it.

I did a workshop at my son’s primary school the other week to a class of 8 year olds, where I was talking to them about the link between feelings, thoughts and behaviours. I started the workshop off explaining what I do as a CBT therapist by framing myself as a “brain detective” trying to solv...

14/05/2026

Do you ever feel like you’re just not good enough?

That quiet inner voice that tells you you’re failing, falling behind, or somehow not measuring up can feel incredibly convincing.

But what if those thoughts aren’t facts… just patterns your mind has learned over time?

In my latest blog, I explore how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps us understand low self-esteem through three key layers:

✨ Core beliefs – the deep beliefs you hold about yourself
✨ Rules for living – the pressures and expectations you place on yourself
✨ Automatic thoughts – the day-to-day inner dialogue that shapes your confidence

Understanding these patterns can be the first step towards changing them.

If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt, perfectionism, or feeling like you’re never quite enough, this blog may resonate with you.

🔗 Read the full blog here - https://www.cbtwithbeth.co.uk/blog-1/30th-april-2026-why-do-i-feel-like-im-not-good-enough-cbt-for-low-self-esteem-how-your-thoughts-shape-your-confidence/

23/04/2026

The lighter days and a bit of sunshine returning can sometimes feel like a small lift after a long stretch of grey 🌤️

If you’ve been considering therapy, this time of year can be a gentle opportunity to begin. You don’t have to wait for things to feel “bad enough” or perfectly right, sometimes just having a bit more space in your day is enough. With a bit more energy and motivation in the air, it’s often easier to take that first step.

I currently have availability for CBT sessions, both online and in-person in both Midgham and Mortimer. I offer a calm, supportive space to explore things like anxiety, low mood, or unhelpful patterns that feel hard to shift on your own.

If you’d like to talk or ask a few questions first, you’re very welcome to get in touch.

www.cbtwithbeth.co.uk