The Groundwork UK

The Groundwork UK For fathers doing everything right on the outside but coming up short where it counts.

A lot of men can’t find the words for what becoming a dad did to them. And almost nobody around them thinks to ask.That ...
11/06/2026

A lot of men can’t find the words for what becoming a dad did to them. And almost nobody around them thinks to ask.

That theme ran through so many of the fatherhood conversations at the Male Psychology Section Conference in London today.

Emma Langley spoke about what becoming a dad does to a man; a profound shift in identity, sometimes even experienced physically. Demi Cutler highlighted how often fathers are overlooked by the systems around them, and how the things that help can be surprisingly simple: a space with other dads in it, and someone telling a father that his role matters.

As I listened, I kept thinking: this is exactly why I’m building The Groundwork.

For men who are functioning, showing up at work, and holding it all together on the surface, while quietly carrying something at home that no one has ever asked them about.

They don’t necessarily need a diagnosis. They need somewhere to put it down, work it through, and realise they’re not the only one.

Good to spend the day in a room full of people who care this much about fathers.

Tight jaw on the commute. Shoulders that don’t come down. A short fuse at 6pm over something small. Wired at 11pm with n...
09/06/2026

Tight jaw on the commute. Shoulders that don’t come down. A short fuse at 6pm over something small. Wired at 11pm with nowhere to put the day.

Most men file these under personality. Under stress. Under just the way things are right now.

They’re not.

They’re a nervous system that’s been running on too little for too long, communicating in the only language available to it. Physical signals. Disproportionate reactions. A body that hasn’t been told it’s safe to stop.

The problem isn’t that the signals aren’t there. It’s that men are rarely taught to read them. So they accumulate. Months of tight jaws and broken sleep and 6pm snaps, all dismissed as normal, until normal stops being sustainable.

It’s Men’s Health Week. The conversations this week will mostly be about exercise and diet, which matter, but aren’t the whole picture.
This is the part that’s harder to measure and easier to ignore.

📌 I’ve written a free guide: 6 Signs You’re in Survival Mode as a Dad. If several of these slides landed, it’s worth five minutes of your time. Check it out via the link in my bio.

💬 Save this. Share it with a man who’d recognise every slide but wouldn’t say so.

07/06/2026

There's a version of you your kids are waiting for. He's already in there.

I ran another Dads Place this weekend at Bligh, and it's stuck with me.

We started in torrential rain, then the sun came out and we got the kids outside. Toys, breakfast, a bit of tile drawing for a community mural. Nothing fancy, just dads and kids, side by side. No pressure to perform. No right way to do it. Drawing badly, making a mess, no agenda.

That's usually where the real connection lives. Not in being the perfect dad. Being the one who shows up and stays in the room.

If you've been waiting for the big moment to reconnect with your kids, you might be waiting a long time.

The ordinary mornings are the moment.

Thanks to and Bligh Primary School for having me

05/06/2026

You made it to Friday.

The kids are home.
The house is loud.
Everyone’s together.

And you’re sitting in the same room...

But somehow you’re somewhere else.

Still in Tuesday’s meeting.

Still replaying the conversation that didn’t sit right.

Still carrying something you haven’t put down.

A lot of men think the weekend begins when work ends.

But that’s not how the nervous system works.

If you’ve spent all week solving problems, carrying pressure, and pushing through, your mind doesn’t automatically switch lanes at 5pm on Friday.

Sometimes your body gets home before the rest of you does.

The weekend starts when you come back.

Not perfectly.

Just enough to notice where you are.

Enough to put the phone down.

Enough to ask one question.

Enough to be in the room you’re already standing in.

This weekend, don’t focus on doing more.

Focus on arriving.

A quick one for the dads.You know that feeling after a hard day, you've snapped at the kids, or zoned out at the dinner ...
05/06/2026

A quick one for the dads.

You know that feeling after a hard day, you've snapped at the kids, or zoned out at the dinner table, and later it sits with you? That quiet guilt that says I should be doing this better.

Here's what I've learned after 12+ years working with men: the dads who feel that guilt most are usually the ones who care most. It's not a sign you're getting it wrong.

On Thursday 25 June, 7:30pm, I'm hosting a free online session with DadSpace called The Guilt Signal — why good dads feel bad, and what that guilt is actually trying to tell you.

All online, so you can join once the kids are down.

It's completely free (donations welcome — DadSpace is a non-profit for dads). Grab a spot here:

https://www.dadspace.co.uk/event-details/dadspace-online-event-the-guilt-signal-led-by-nic-nistor

And if another dad came to mind while you read this, send it his way. He might not go looking, but he'll be glad you thought of him. ❤️

Many fathers carry a private scorecard.Not for work.Not for finances.For fatherhood.And no matter how much they do, the ...
03/06/2026

Many fathers carry a private scorecard.

Not for work.
Not for finances.

For fatherhood.

And no matter how much they do, the score never quite feels high enough.

In my work with dads, I often see men measuring themselves against a version of fatherhood that doesn’t exist in real life. A father who is endlessly patient, always emotionally available, never distracted, never tired, never overwhelmed.

The result?

A constant sense of falling short despite doing their best.

What if the feeling of “not enough” isn’t proof you’re failing?

What if it’s proof that being a good father matters deeply to you?

Because the dads who worry about getting it right are usually already trying very hard.

You won’t get every day right.

You won’t get every bedtime right.

You won’t get every conversation right.

But showing up imperfectly, repairing when needed, and staying connected over time matters more than perfection ever will.

Save this for the days when you’re being harder on yourself than the evidence warrants.

31/05/2026

Most men I work with assume they're losing it at home because they're a worse version of themselves there.

They're not.

The room is asking for a different toolkit, and nobody handed them one.

Save this if it lands.

29/05/2026

Repair matters more than never snapping.

You’re not going to be patient every evening. You’re not going to catch every reaction before it lands. Your kids are going to see you tired, short, and running on empty, because that’s real life, and pretending otherwise costs more than it’s worth.

That’s not the thing that shapes them.

What shapes them is the pattern around the difficult moments.

Whether the rough evening just ends and nothing is said. Or whether, at some point before lights out, you come back.

A word. An acknowledgement. “I was a bit much earlier. Sorry, mate.”

They’re watching what men do after they get it wrong. Most of us never saw it modelled. Our dads went quiet, or doubled down, or acted like it hadn’t happened. We learned that men don’t repair, they just move on and hope it’s forgotten.

You can teach your kids something different. Not by being perfect. By coming back.

That’s the skill. It turns out it was always the skill.

The thermostat, not the thermometer.Most dads come in and read the room. The thermostat decides what the room becomes.Sa...
27/05/2026

The thermostat, not the thermometer.

Most dads come in and read the room. The thermostat decides what the room becomes.

Same evening. Same tired. Different man at the door.

The ninety seconds before you turn the key are worth more than most of what happens after. You won’t get it right every night, but the ones you do, your family will feel it before you’ve said a word.

Save this one 👉🏻

If you’re going through something that needs more than a post right now, please reach out to your GP or Samaritans on 116 123 (free, 24/7). This post is educational, not a substitute for professional support.

What to say to your kid after you’ve snapped.Most of us never had a script for this. Our dads didn’t model it. We were l...
25/05/2026

What to say to your kid after you’ve snapped.

Most of us never had a script for this. Our dads didn’t model it. We were left to either over-explain, go quiet, or pretend it hadn’t happened. None of those close the gap.

Swipe to see what does.

The waitlist for The Groundwork is in the bio. An 8-week programme for fathers who are ready to work on this properly, built by Nic, a clinical psychologist who has spent over a decade doing exactly this work with men.

If you’re going through something that needs more than a post right now, please reach out to your GP or Samaritans on 116 123 (free, 24/7). This post is educational, not a substitute for professional support.

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