Carla Devereux

25/06/2026

Small relationship Problems can become big!

Many couples find themselves trapped in familiar patterns of blame, avoidance or power struggles. Some retreat behind emotional smokescreens; others become experts at keeping the peace while quietly feeling disconnected. Conversations that once came naturally become difficult, and difficult conversations are avoided altogether.

The irony is that most couples are not avoiding their problems out of indifference. Quite the opposite. They are often frightened that raising the issue will trigger yet another argument, expose deeper wounds or confirm fears they would rather not face.

As a relationship therapist, I have found that by the time couples seek counselling, they have usually weathered considerable emotional turbulence. For many, couples counselling feels like a final attempt to salvage what remains of their connection. Others arrive convinced that separation or divorce is the only realistic outcome.



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how to solve relationship problems without breaking up, marriage/relationship counselling, common relationship problems, relate Birmingham

23/06/2026

My Husband is having an Affair

As a couples' psychotherapist, I have spent years helping people recover from affairs.

I guide wounded spouses through the aftermath of clandestine texts, unexplained absences and suspiciously frequent 'late meetings'. I help couples rebuild trust, repair attachment injuries and rediscover intimacy.

Yet nothing in my professional training prepared me for my husband's infidelity.

And not with just one person.

But with 48 teams of fully grown men.

The World Cup has arrived and with it, the complete collapse of our relationship.

'It's only for a month,' he says. A phrase familiar to many betrayed spouses.

Successful relationships require emotional availability, shared experiences and quality time together.

Unfortunately, the World Cup schedule has all the relentless efficiency of an organised crime syndicate. Just when one game ends, another emerges from the shadows. Hope flickers briefly before being extinguished by a kick-off time.

The odds are not in my favour.

Football gives him stories, heroes, villains, impossible hopes and irrational optimism. It allows him to experience joy, despair and tribal loyalty without any genuine danger. It is, in many ways, a socially sanctioned emotional affair.

Eventually, my husband will return, and harmony in our relationship will be restored.

Counselling

18/03/2026

Do you stonewall or attack?

Technology enables us to communicate with anyone in a wide range of ways, at any time, in any part of the globe, yet we still encounter difficulties expressing ourselves in our intimate relationships. We find it easier to jump into power battles than to explore how we’re feeling.

When we feel victimised, controlled or misunderstood, it seems the only way we know how to respond is with an attack, the silent treatment, or we hide behind relationship wreckers, such as affairs, addictions, secrets and lies. We struggle to voice our discontent, unhappiness or disagreements in a healthy, constructive way, as a simple conversation between two adults.

Full article https://www.carladevereux.com/why-relationships-breakdown/

Tension, resentment, anger, arguments and power battles in relationships can quickly build up. They are the result of communication breaking down long before you become aware or willing to admit. Like a dripping tap – it builds up until the pot is full. Don’t blame the lockdown for your communic...

11/03/2026

I've been reflecting...

On International Women’s Day, I’ve been reflecting on my own leadership journey and the moments that quietly shape how we show up at work.

Early in my career, I often found myself questioning whether I was ‘ready’ to step into bigger opportunities. I realised that many women do the same, we wait until we feel fully prepared, while also navigating expectations, confidence gaps, and the pressure to get things exactly right.

Through my own experience, I’ve learned that leadership is less about having all the answers and more about being willing to learn, support others, and bring your perspective to the table.

Some of the most valuable moments have come from connecting with other women, sharing experiences, and realising we’re often navigating similar challenges.

What I appreciate most is the sense of community. When women support each other’s development, celebrate progress, and encourage each other to step forward, it creates a ripple effect across the organisation.

International Women’s Day is a great moment to pause and recognise that progress, and also to keep creating opportunities for women to grow, lead, and shape the future.

And for me, being part of that journey, both learning and supporting others along the way, is something I’m incredibly grateful for.

05/03/2026

What is accountability? It’s easy to point the finger and play the blame game when conflict arises in relationships. When tensions run high, feelings get hurt, and the words you settle on are rarely the ‘right’ ones. Combine this communication breakdown with a lack of accountability, and you become trapped in a cycle of point-scoring and history-taking with no way out.

Knowing how to own your part, apologise when necessary, and work with your partner, not against them, encourages empathy, repairs trust and helps you grow together. So, how can you learn to take accountability in your relationship?

https://www.carladevereux.com/owning-your-part-taking-accountability-in-your-relationship/

It’s easy to point the finger and play the blame game when conflict arises. When tensions run high, feelings get hurt, and the words you settle on are rarely the ‘right’ ones. Combine this…

29/10/2025

Innovation, Leadership, and a Touch of Fussy

In a marketplace saturated with products promising to make us cleaner, greener, and somehow better, few manage to stand out. Fussy, the sustainable body care brand that first caught public attention on Dragon’s Den, did just that, not through loud marketing, but through quiet conviction.

What began as a bold pitch for refillable deodorant has evolved into a case study in how innovation and integrity can drive meaningful business development. The launch of Fussy Body Wash continues that narrative elegantly designed, scientifically considered, and sustainably minded.

What’s striking is not just the product, but the leadership mindset behind it. The team’s approach reflects a new kind of entrepreneurial discipline: innovation with restraint, growth with responsibility, and ambition that doesn’t lose sight of purpose.

In times when 'innovation' is often synonymous with speed, Fussy reminds us that leadership sometimes means slowing down to design better, think longer, and build businesses that last.

30/09/2025

Unresolved relationship issues can lead to a break-up

What once started as minor frustrations often become big irritations when ignored. Sometimes we go into denial and focus on activities that take us away from facing our deamons. We concentrate on socialising, shopping, gambling, drinking or bury ourselves in work to avoid the root cause of the stress.

Although avoidance may be an attractive option in the short term, it will end up destroying what you once valued.

Full article https://www.carladevereux.com/how-relationships-can-impact-stress-levels/

Many unresolved relationship issues contribute to high stress levels, and if left unresolved can lead to much bigger problems, including separation or divorce. What once started as small frustrations…

27/09/2025

Perfectionism Is Not Sustainable

In the short term, perfectionism can fuel productivity. But in the long run, it corrodes. Not just your wellbeing, but your relationships with yourself, your team, and your loved ones.

The same high standards you apply to yourself often get projected onto others. When people don’t meet them, you may find yourself simmering with quiet frustration. At its worst, this can slide into micromanagement, stifling your team’s autonomy and creativity.

This is critical for emerging leaders to understand. Leadership isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about creating space where mistakes can be made, examined, and learned from. It’s about showing your team, and yourself, that you are human, and that humanity is an asset, not a flaw.

And if you’re mentoring younger women, what are they learning from you? Are they seeing a leader who thrives on curiosity, flexibility, and self-compassion? Or are they watching someone sprint endlessly to keep the illusion of perfection intact?

Full article https://buff.ly/QSF2IY3

25/09/2025

Lessons from a Web

A spider’s web might look delicate, but it’s one of nature’s strongest designs.

Each thread is purposeful. Each connection matters.

And when part of the web is broken, the spider doesn’t give up, it rebuilds.

Leadership is much the same:

🔹 Every relationship is a vital thread
🔹 Strength lies in connection and collaboration
🔹 Resilience means repairing, not abandoning

Great leaders don’t just build, they weave networks of trust, adaptability, and shared purpose.

👉 What “threads” are you strengthening in your leadership web today?

24/09/2025

Success doesn’t always silence self-doubt

Many women leaders are plagued by a persistent, quiet fear that they’re not good enough, even when outperforming everyone else.

The Hidden Cost of High Standards

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well. It’s about tying your self-worth to doing well. It’s the sinking feeling that if you don’t get everything right, you’re not just doing a bad job, you are bad at your job.

At first glance, this might seem like ambition’s overachieving cousin. But perfectionism is sneakier than that. It wears a power suit, sits politely in meetings, nods along, and then later, when the office is quiet, produces a clipboard and begins listing, in exquisite detail, all the ways you failed to meet your own expectations that day.

And as you climb higher, shaping strategy, mentoring younger talent, representing your organisation on bigger stages, the inner critic doesn’t soften. It simply gets more articulate.

Many women leaders are plagued by a persistent, quiet fear that they’re not good enough, even when outperforming everyone else. Success, it turns out, doesn’t always silence self-doubt. Sometimes it just gives it a louder microphone.

Full article https://buff.ly/QSF2IY3

Are you the kind of leader who notices the detail, who takes pride in delivering work polished to a high standard and who sets standards that lift the whole team? Perfectionism may be your secret weapon. That part of you that ensures nothing slips through the cracks, that clients feel…