Matthew Heatley-Swaine. CBT Therapy

Matthew Heatley-Swaine. CBT Therapy 🛋️ For people whose past traumatic experiences effect their relationships
đź‘Ą Be present, authentically you and have healthier boundaries

I am an accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist (CBT) and supervisor based in Whitstable, East Kent. If you are looking for therapy in Whitstable and surrounding areas, I am able to meet you for face to face sessions. However, I am able to work with you remotely (video call) so you can refer yourself despite where you live. I have many years of experience helping people to live a more fulfilled

life and become less limited by their anxiety, worry and stress. I specialize in treating anxiety, depression, low self-esteem/issues with confidence, work related stress and trauma. I also have a particular interest in men’s mental health, breaking down the barriers for men seeking help and addressing difficult emotions. I offer assessment and treatment for a wide range of mental health problems to people over the age of 16. I have worked in the field of mental health for over 16 years and as a CBT therapist in NHS services and now privately for over 11.​

I provide evidence-based therapeutic counselling and therapy interventions, predominantly CBT but integrated with a range of therapy models.

Holding it in often doesn’t mean it goes away. It’s stored somewhere else, built up and eventually comes out in ways you...
31/08/2026

Holding it in often doesn’t mean it goes away. It’s stored somewhere else, built up and eventually comes out in ways you don’t mean or want.

But saying it feels risky.

Your mind has associated arguments, disagreements, people being unhappy with you as a sign of something bad happening between you. Your anxiety tells you that they won’t like you, the relationship will start to crumble, they will leave? It’s associated conflict with danger (of the social kind).

For years it’s felt safer to avoid conflict as much as possible. And when you can’t avoid it, it feels awful. But the resulting behaviour can have an unintended negative effect on relationships.

Therapy can help you to feel less anxious about conflict and develop ways of finding resolutions through it.

Most people like to be liked. Most feel it’s important to be around others and be accepted by them. But for some, relati...
06/08/2026

Most people like to be liked. Most feel it’s important to be around others and be accepted by them. But for some, relationships trigger anxiety and when people are anxious, we tend to overthink. This anxiety can stem from a fear of being disliked, not accepted or rejected.

The human species is said to be safer in numbers. Earlier humans wouldn’t survive long on their own. So it’s actually instinctual survival to want to be with other people and feeling belonging to that group.

Overthinking can become a protection mechanism, something the mind learnt early on, a way of staying socially safe. But now, it’s become overused and creates a lot of emotional reaction.

I help many of my clients address what created this thought pattern so that they can live more comfortably around others and in their relationships.

What I thought was helping was actually the best way to keep me stuck. It kept relationships imbalanced and the pressure...
01/08/2026

What I thought was helping was actually the best way to keep me stuck. It kept relationships imbalanced and the pressure feels on you to keep it alive. Instead of actually getting closer, relationships felt conditional and often caused more issues.

🫶🏻People don’t always need fixing and it’s not entirely your responsibility to keep them happy
🫶🏻There is nothing wrong in being more introverted than others. Different energies can actually work well together.
🫶🏻Connection can be built on vulnerability - both ways.
🫶🏻Conflict can benefit from space. Instead of trying to fix in a flight or flight mode, space can provide some clarity to go back to it with.
🫶🏻Balance in relationships is important. Both people having a say in how time spent together should be.
🫶🏻It’s impossible to be liked by everyone. A want to be liked by others is different from a need to be. The wider the network, often the more spread you can become.

👤Living with a fear of rejection can be crippling. Relationships feel hard work and being alone feels easier. But that’s...
24/07/2026

👤Living with a fear of rejection can be crippling. Relationships feel hard work and being alone feels easier. But that’s actually the last thing most people want.

Experiencing Fear and anxiety makes us want to stop or reduce what we think is going to happen so that we feel better. So it’s understandable that for someone who fears rejection, they would do anything they can to prevent it from happening.

However, we can fall into a trap. Most of these behaviours tend to offer brief relief but long term keep the fear going. Of course, no one intends this but no matter what or how much you do, the fear of rejection never gets better.

Therapy can help you break down these cycles you may be in a provide you with ways of breaking them.

Did you resonate with any of these? Comment below which ones you do, or, other patterns you recognise.

Picking a therapist is a deeply personal choice. It’s also not an easy one. How do you know if someone is right for you?...
07/07/2026

Picking a therapist is a deeply personal choice. It’s also not an easy one. How do you know if someone is right for you? I’m hoping this goes a little way if you’ve been seeing me pop up on your screen….

The nervous system gets stuck in patterns that developed from an early age. At the time, the mind created ways to cope a...
01/07/2026

The nervous system gets stuck in patterns that developed from an early age. At the time, the mind created ways to cope and survive. But even though life has changed now, relationships are different, this coping strategy is still being used by your mind. Essentially, still trying to do the job it used to do to protect you.

It’s misreads neutral changes, it gets you mind reading or catastrophising. It still believes that something bad will happen and therefore needs to keep an eye out for signs of it happening again.

Therapy can help you to differentiate the present from the past and learn that not all relationships need you to continuously monitor them.

A short story of how I got here…(The song for this post is an added personal touch. It’s the song that was on the radio ...
26/06/2026

A short story of how I got here…

(The song for this post is an added personal touch. It’s the song that was on the radio the moment my daughter was born. The whole reason why I do all this life stuff!).

Starting therapy isn’t usually a decision made overnight. It’s often thought about for weeks, months, sometimes even yea...
15/06/2026

Starting therapy isn’t usually a decision made overnight. It’s often thought about for weeks, months, sometimes even years. There are so many reasons that people don’t seek help so I am hoping this post resonates with just a small few.

Nearly every client that I meet will have some sort of reservation, concern or worry. You are not alone in this.

That’s why when you sit in front of me, you get all of my attention, especially to the parts that are hard to say

25/02/2026

👇👇
When you feel the constant need to make sure everyone else is ok. You feel like all you do is monitor how other people are and if you see them feeling negatively, it feels like your problem to fix.

It’s not nice to see someone else upset but here’s the catch, is it always your responsibility to fix it?

The problem isn’t necessarily what they’re feeling, it’s the belief that it is your responsibility to keep them happy.

Do you wish you didn’t apologise so much, over explain or try to smooth things over all the time. Therapy can help you to feel more comfortable in the presence of other people’s distress without it feeling like your fault or your responsibility to fix.

DM me if you resonated with this and want to make a change in how you are in your relationships. đź’™

Hypervigilance in relationships doesn’t often look like fear. It can instead look like attunement to others, being extra...
13/02/2026

Hypervigilance in relationships doesn’t often look like fear. It can instead look like attunement to others, being extra considerate. But if tracking shifts in tone, noticing how loud a sigh is or reading between the lines of message causes you to feel anxious, I bet being around people doesn’t always feel comfortable.

You might take responsibility for other people’s emotions and needs?
You over explain or over apologise
You seek reassurance that everything is ok

You stay alert, you stay anxious

I’d love to hear from you if you want to stop looking out for all the signs that you could have upset someone and fearing what could happen as a result.

Address

Unit 119 (Wilson House), Harvey Drive, John Wilson Business Park
Whitstable
CT53QY

Opening Hours

Monday 1pm - 5pm
Tuesday 9am - 5pm
Wednesday 9am - 5pm
Thursday 1pm - 5pm
Friday 9am - 5pm

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