Effective Thoughts

Effective Thoughts Highly experienced Life, Leadership and Trauma Coach - facilitating triumph over challenge since 2006. Offers 1-1s and group coaching services.

Writer of 'Invisible Damage' - recovery guide from narcissistic or emotionally unavailable parents. This page publishes regular Life Coachy/change/values/positivity related updates.Effective Thoughts is a provider of:~ 1-1 coaching~ Group coaching workshops~ Group facilitation Insta: Associations: BetterUp; Association for Coaching; TWP; Fitfarms

04/06/2026

Is it ever wise to repress or park our feelings?

Sometimes, it is necessary to put aside our feelings until later. Especially in those important moments where we need to fulfill a role.

The key is to return to revisit those parked emotions. Allow them, notice how they show up in our body. To stay with the discomfort and acknowledge the feelings.

Total repression and avoidance will lead to other issues, including disregulation, stress symptoms, physical tension or pain.

How do you remember to return to those parked feelings after the event?





28/05/2026

Do you sometimes lose the plot?

Our inner monologues can be both distracting and fear mongering. They take us away from being fully present, and make us doubt our ability to participate.

Try a simple attention adjustment from noticing 'the inner', to noticing 'the outer'.

In a meeting or conversation - Challenge yourself to really focus more on what is being communicated, and less on how you will be wording any response. Listen to the words, make notes if it helps to keep your attention.

You may have to repeat this over and over, especially as you learn this focus adjustment.





It's my 20 years coach-iversary!! This month, 20 years ago, I handed in my written work, completed my practical exam and...
25/05/2026

It's my 20 years coach-iversary!!

This month, 20 years ago, I handed in my written work, completed my practical exam and nervously passed my viva. This milestone marked the beginning of a continuous passion for coaching with all the learning, personal development, connection, and purpose it gives me.

I am so grateful. There are too many people to thank...
- All of those thousands of lovely souls I have worked with across the world, in person and online. I so appreciate the privilege of being in trust.
- All of the professional associations, retreats, and fitness organisations that helped broadened my experience by taking me on as a Coach for ICs, new Leaders, Seniors, Executives, Groups & Teams internationally - especially BetterUp.
- My amazing Coaching colleagues & learning groups that go beyond the coaching sector, including Professors, Doctors and Psychotherapists - such an accomplished and passionate bunch with whom I regularly learn, experience peer supervision, and ideas exchanges.
- The diligent teams that facilitate the quality courses and conferences I attend every year.
- The willing attendees of my community workshops and talks.
- The colleagues who have included me in their podcasts and expert groups.
- My Worthing posse who came along with my Netwalking By The Sea events.
- The people who follow and subscribe, and those who have bought my ebook, and my recorded masterclass.

My experience has grown to include so many modalities including Business & Leadership Coaching, Group Coaching, Systemic Team Coaching. Also in the last 5 years my work has stretched to Nervous System focus, Somatic work, EMDR therapy, trauma and Internal Family Systems work.

What a ride! There's so much more to do - group coaching for recovery from toxic relationships, outdoor coaching, more community group work ( next week), and of course more 1:1s.



20/05/2026

How to get out of overthinking... Use this moment, and your senses, to connect yourself to 'the now'.

Nature and its gift of presence. Check in with what you can notice through hearing, smell, sight, sensation.

Connecting to ourselves in this moment is what nervous system regulation is all about. We build safety, self trust, awareness and boost our emotional processing by self connection.

Practise this micro mindfulness as often as you can throughout your day. How will you remind yourself?





19/05/2026

Does part of you need to be in control?

This can lead to us spiralling into resistance and anxiety when that control feels out of reach, causing us to feel dysregulated and powerless.

In this state, we can forget our agency, our personal power.

In fact, we do have the power to:

- notice this anxious state & find some compassionate curiosity

- regulate ourselves (acknowledge our feelings with compassion and return to our body)

- ask for support

- think creatively and problem solve

This all takes practise. So how will you remember to keep checking in?





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Feeling too busy? Is your to-do list in charge of you?We can get caught in a stress cycle that feels impossible to stop....
15/05/2026

Feeling too busy? Is your to-do list in charge of you?

We can get caught in a stress cycle that feels impossible to stop. When in this mode, we are dysregulated and cannot think straight.

We can pause, take a breath, and ask...
Q Are these tasks really mine?
Q Do I really have to do them all today?
Q Where does this (perceived) expectation come from?

We often forget that we DO have choices.





14/05/2026

Boring task? What reward would work for you?

We can't avoid those boring tasks. Some of them even need us to focus, so we can't use music/podcasts to distract us.

We can boost motivation with a promise of something rewarding. As adults, we overlook this approach, but our brains still appreciate and respond to reward as it did when we were children.

Reward is acknowledgement, recognition, completion, and self congratulations all in 1 simple package.

For me, my 'reward scripts' today (so far) have been...
- I will have a lovely walk after I sent this proposal email.
- I will make a cuppa after I have posted this reel.





30/04/2026

Pause more to do more.

It seems counterintuitive, but taking breaks helps us to be more effective.

We need reflection and consolidation time to allow our clarity of thought, regulation, and problem solving abilities.

How good are you at consciously pausing and taking a breather?





23/04/2026

Ignoring or avoiding our deepest fears does not make them go away. This denial increases our anxiety and decreases our self trust.

Acknowledgement and reassurance eases the dysregulation and gives us awareness. Non-judgemental awareness is the catalyst for change.

[You might need bespoke support with this. If this is you, book a free consultation via my profile/website.]





Developing our true, authentic self means dropping the 'shoulds', the people pleasing,  the masks, the perceived expecta...
21/04/2026

Developing our true, authentic self means dropping the 'shoulds', the people pleasing,  the masks, the perceived expectations. This all takes intentional unlearning...

It's a mission. Our programmed responses are powerful because they helped us to survive.
As well as time, reflection, and self compassion - you will need patience, and you may need coaching through the multilayered unlearning.

The process includes working to...

> Allow the discomfort that comes from making changes
> Notice, acknowledge, and regulate sensations, feelings, emotions
> Notice who you REALLY are, acknowledge without judgement what boosts you and what drains you
> Keep consciously choosing authenticity
> Let go of the need to tolerate toxicity: this might require 'radical acceptance' around relationships or situations that are harming you
> Accept that honouring yourself might annoy those who benefit from your previous lack of boundaries!

> Remember the 'why'
Full cognitive function (a result of regulation). Personal power. True self connection. Peace. Acceptance. Awareness.





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