06/05/2026
If you’ve ever worried about saying the wrong thing to a person with dementia, you’re not alone.
For someone living with dementia, memory problems and difficulties with language can make communicating clearly tricky, although each person’s experience will be different.
That’s why we wanted to share some phrases that it may be best to avoid, and some helpful approaches to try instead
1. ‘Do you remember when…?’ – Rather than posing a question, lead with ‘I remember when…' That way, the person can search their memory calmly without feeling embarrassed, and join in if they like.
2. 'Nobody is stealing from you!' – If the incorrect belief isn’t causing any harm or anxiety, you may not need to correct them. If it is causing distress, comfort them and remind them they are safe. Gently try and shift their focus to something they enjoy.
3. 'Your brother died 10 years ago' – Reminding someone a loved one has died can be very painful. Some people can find it comforting to talk about the person. Distraction techniques can also be useful, but try not to avoid the question if they keep asking.
4. 'I've just told you that!' – Try to remember that the person can’t help repeating themselves. Answer repeated questions calmly and patiently, with an even tone of voice.
5. 'What did you do this morning?' – Open-ended questions about the past can be stressful for a person with dementia. Try speaking briefly about your day and give them time to ask you questions about it, or talk to them about the present.
6. 'Do you recognise me?' – Avoid asking questions that feel like a test. Judge for yourself the best way to greet them, but keep it friendly. A warm hello could suffice, or it may help to say your name and your relationship to them each time.
7. 'Let’s have a cup of tea, then we can go for walk, and then...’ – Your loved one may find it hard to grasp long, complex sentences. Try giving directions or instructions one step at a time. Use short, simple sentences, and give them plenty of time to process what you’re saying.
8. 'I'll just help you use your little spoon there, love?' – It’s fine to speak slower than usual, but keep your tone of voice the same as normal. Try not to talk down to them. It’s usually best to avoid pet names. This helps keep their dignity intact.
For more advice and support, call the Dementia Support Line on 0333 150 3456.
