04/10/2026
I think sometimes we have made regulation into another thing parents are supposed to be good at.
Stay calm.
Take a breath.
Co regulate.
Hold the boundary.
Respond instead of react.
And while all of these things can be helpful, we can miss something really important.
Your nervous system has a capacity.
And your capacity is influenced by what you are carrying.
You cannot always breathe your way out of an overloaded nervous system.
Sometimes you are dysregulated because you are exhausted.
Because you have been holding the mental load for everyone.
Because you haven't had a moment alone all day.
Because you are constantly anticipating what everyone else might need.
Because you are touched out, talked out and completely depleted.
And then your child has a meltdown and you are expected to calmly co regulate them while your own nervous system is screaming for someone to regulate you.
That doesn't mean we don't take responsibility for how we respond.
It means we stop using shame as our starting point.
Instead of asking
“Why can't I stay calm?”
Try asking
What has my nervous system been carrying?
How much space do I actually have left?
What am I responsible for that could be shared?”*
What support am I missing?”
Because sometimes regulation isn't about trying harder to be calm.
Sometimes regulation is about creating a life where your nervous system doesn't have to work quite so hard to keep you going.
And maybe that is a much more compassionate place to begin. 💚
Hope this helps a mammy today😇
