Ikigai Life Solutions

Ikigai Life Solutions Counselling/ Psychotherapy/Training

05/05/2026

Got it—this needs to be tighter, punchy, and scroll-stopping. Here’s an Instagram-ready version:

—

Abandonment issues aren’t “neediness.”
They’re learned survival patterns.

When someone has experienced inconsistency, loss, or emotional neglect, the brain adapts:
*“Don’t get left again.”*

So it shows up like this—
• Overthinking texts and tone
• Needing constant reassurance
• People-pleasing to avoid conflict
• Pushing people away before they can leave
• Staying in unhealthy relationships just to not be alone

The hard truth?
The fear of abandonment can quietly create the very distance you’re trying to avoid.

But here’s what matters—
This isn’t your personality. It’s a pattern. And patterns can change.

Start here:
• Notice your triggers
• Pause before reacting
• Separate past wounds from present reality
• Build connections that feel safe, not chaotic

Healing doesn’t mean you stop caring.
It means you stop abandoning yourself to keep others.
✨🫶🤌👼
Psychology

30/04/2026

We become what we refuse to release.

I had a friend who used to collect scars like they were stamps.
As if he was curating a museum of betrayals.
Now don’t get me wrong. He was justified.

But over time, it turned into a weird paradox.

Holding the pain validated his story.
But then, the pain became the story.

Pain can be a teacher. But it’s meant to visit, not move in. And you can acknowledge the hurt without making it your home.

It’s possible the things we can’t release have already released us.
We’re just the last to know…..
🧚‍♀️✨🫰 🌼🌷🪻🌸🪴

27/04/2026

There’s a certain kind of anxiety that doesn’t respond to reassurance.

You do everything you can to ward it off: you tell yourself you’re safe, you build a stable, reliable life. You say no more often than yes, without realizing you’re organizing your life around avoidance.

But you feel it. You always feel it. Something is coming for you; something catastrophic and irreversible.

You fear you’ll have a breakdown and you know you won’t recover from it.

So you do everything you can to prevent it. You tighten your grip on your children. You stay braced and stay inside. You’re in a state of constant anticipation thinking that will prepare you for when it finally hits.

Your life gets smaller; your dread gets larger.

In 1974, the psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott offered an idea radical for its time: the thing you’re most afraid of has already happened.

He meant this literally.

At some point early in life, something overwhelming happened. You were abandoned, rejected, disappointed. Whatever it was happened at a stage of development so young, there was no “you” to experience it as an event. So it never become integrated as a memory.

It wedged itself into your nervous system as fear.

And when it returns later, when you’re a developed self, it doesn’t feel like something that happened. It feels like something that will happen, and so you feel dread.

Which is why avoidance doesn’t work.

Because you can’t escape something that already occurred.

I wrote about this fear, D.W. Winnicott, and the strange relief that comes when you finally understand that the breakdown you’re afraid of already happened.

🤟👌🫰🤙🏻🫶

Psychologists suggest that the highest form of peace lies in releasing the need to be understood, admired, pitied or kno...
19/03/2026

Psychologists suggest that the highest form of peace lies in releasing the need to be understood, admired, pitied or known because these desires tie your internal state to external factors you cannot control. When you crave admiration or recognition, you often subconsciously “perform” a version of yourself designed to get that approval. Letting go of this desire allows you to act based on your own authentic values rather than trying to satisfy an audience, which significantly reduces the mental exhaustion of constant social negotiation.

Relying on external validation-whether it’s someone finally “understanding” your pain or “admiring” your success-makes your emotional stability fragile. If your worth is assigned by others, it can be taken away by them. When you stop reading others to validate your reality however, your self-worth becomes self-generated and unshakable.

Seeking to be understood or pitied of stems from a desire for others to mirror our internal feelings. When you release this expectation, criticism or misunderstanding loses its power to ruin your day. You also no longer feel the need to explain or defend yourself to people who may never intend to understand you anyway.

According to the Self-Determination Theory, autonomy and self-acceptance are core drivers of well-being. True peace isn’t about being invisible or isolated; it’s about being so grounded in your own identity that external “reflection” (the gaze of others) is not longer a requirement for you to feel whole.

04/03/2026

Happy Holi 🎨
We don’t just wear clothes.
We wear masks.

The “confident” mask to influence.
The “sweet” mask to be liked.
The “strong” mask to avoid looking weak.
The “silent” mask to observe and calculate.

And sometimes… we wear masks to manipulate.

Yes, let’s be honest.

We adjust our tone to gain sympathy.
We withhold information to control outcomes.
We act distant to increase value.
We mirror others to build trust.

Call it strategy.
Call it social intelligence.
Or call it what it sometimes is — **dark psychology.**

Human beings are wired to achieve goals — approval, power, validation, security. And when we feel threatened or desperate, we don’t just adapt… we engineer reactions.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth:

If you constantly manipulate the room,
you slowly lose your place in it.

If every interaction is a tactic,
you forget how to connect without strategy.

Self-awareness is power.
Use psychology to understand — not to control.
Use influence to inspire — not to exploit.

Adapt when needed.
But don’t let your masks become your identity.

Mindset

When was the last time someone really listened to what you had to say?Meet Paul Jenkinson, a 71-year-old retired social ...
06/10/2025

When was the last time someone really listened to what you had to say?

Meet Paul Jenkinson, a 71-year-old retired social worker who is spending a year travelling across the country with two foldable chairs and a sign that’s says, “You are not alone! I will listen”.

He sets up in parks or public spaces and just waits for anyone who may feel the need to just talk. He wants people to know that they are seen and that no matter what they are going through, good or bad, there’s always someone to listen.

After spending a few hours with him I was amazed at how many strangers would see the sign and stop to chat.

He opened up that when he lost his daughter, he struggled a bit to feel comfortable sharing with people what he was going through because he worried that he wouldn’t be heard or that people would try to find words when no words would be enough.

If you see Paul in your town or city, pull up a chair and say hi.

And remember, you are not alone.

✨ The Young Monk and the Master’s Lesson on Suffering ✨One day, a young monk walked slowly behind his master, his head h...
04/10/2025

✨ The Young Monk and the Master’s Lesson on Suffering ✨

One day, a young monk walked slowly behind his master, his head heavy with thoughts. After some time, he finally spoke:

“Master, why does suffering always follow me? No matter where I go, no matter how much I try, pain and worry never leave my side.”

The old master stopped, smiled softly, and pointed at a clay pot nearby. Inside it was a small plant.

“Do you see this plant, child?” the master asked.

“Yes, Master,” the monk replied.

“This plant grows because someone waters it every day. Without water, without care, it would wither away. Now tell me, who waters your suffering?”

The monk thought for a moment and then said, “I… I think it is my own mind.”

The master nodded. “Yes. Every time you hold on to the past, you give it water. Every time you worry about the future, you give it sunlight. Every time you repeat your pain in your head, you give it soil to grow stronger roots. That is why suffering walks with you—it is the plant you yourself keep alive.”

The monk’s eyes filled with tears. “Then, Master, how do I stop watering it?”

The master placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered:
“Plant another seed. Water peace, kindness, and gratitude. Feed your mind with compassion instead of fear. Suffering will wither on its own, because nothing can survive without your attention.”

From that day, the monk began to change his thoughts—less watering of suffering, more watering of joy. And little by little, his life transformed.

💡Takeaway: What you water will grow. Stop feeding your suffering, and start feeding your peace.

Here’s why constantly putting others first can silently harm your health: being a people pleaser may seem harmless, but ...
25/09/2025

Here’s why constantly putting others first can silently harm your health: being a people pleaser may seem harmless, but over time it creates chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, and a weakened immune system. When your body is in a constant state of stress from trying to meet everyone else’s expectations, it can trigger inflammation and, eventually, autoimmune conditions—where your own body starts attacking itself. The truth is, saying “yes” all the time comes at the cost of your well-being. Protecting your boundaries, learning to say “no,” and prioritizing self-care aren’t selfish acts—they are essential for your survival and long-term health. Remember: your worth isn’t measured by how much you sacrifice for others.

I once read that in Japan, love isn’t defined by passion, grand romance, or bouquets of flowers on special days. It’s de...
08/09/2025

I once read that in Japan, love isn’t defined by passion, grand romance, or bouquets of flowers on special days. It’s defined by respect for personal space.

In their culture, it’s not about demanding constant closeness or asking endless questions. While we often say: “If you love someone, you must always be by their side,” they believe: “If you love someone, you let them breathe.”

There is even a concept called “oyakake bukaeru” — the silence beside someone. The ability to sit together for an hour without words — not because of anger, but because you feel calm. In many cultures, silence is seen as a problem. In Japan, it’s a sign of depth.

Love there doesn’t mean “always together.” It’s normal for couples to sleep in separate rooms, take separate vacations, or pursue different interests. Independence is not betrayal. Distance is not the end. What matters most is not interfering with each other’s essence.

Happiness is not something demanded from the other person, but the peace you bring into the relationship. That’s why in Japan, divorce rates are lower, there are fewer emotional breakdowns, and less burnout.

Maybe it’s because their relationships aren’t built on consumption, but on respect. On quiet care. On giving each other the freedom to simply be. 🌿

DON’T DO ANYTHING. JUST REST.Don’t fall into the trap of believing that doing nothing… means doing nothing for yourself....
05/06/2025

DON’T DO ANYTHING. JUST REST.
Don’t fall into the trap of believing that doing nothing… means doing nothing for yourself.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that not being productive is somehow a failure.
That if it doesn’t have a visible outcome, it doesn’t count.
That rest is wasted time.

We’ve become so used to being busy —
to checking off boxes,
to tracking our progress,
to measuring worth in output —
that we’ve forgotten something essential:

Rest is productive.

It’s the moment your body heals.
Your mind exhales.
Your soul whispers.

Reading a magazine.
Taking a long shower.
Sitting in the garden with a warm cup of coffee.
None of it is a waste.

Because time spent resting… is time well spent.

We’re not machines.
We’re not meant to hustle 24/7.
We are human beings.

And sometimes, we just need to be.

— Becky Hemsley

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