13/06/2024
Real talk?
Sometimes I feel like I’m faking it. Or at least spinning so fast, so hard the plates all threaten to crash at once. Looking around for the fire exit, just in case. Looking up for the help, across for the dude I was promised on a horse, bearing armour and a quick wit. In a week that has presented me with a virus, triple workload, the accumulation of a decades dream in admin, of old carpet, new carpets, the need for heavy lifting, bearing the load along with the furniture. The lump on my thigh, a reminder, you are not Popeye but where is he when you need him? Old habits telling me ‘I’m fine,’ the nervous system telling me she’s frayed. In a week of epic concert, cool exhibition, new clients and old, beautiful connections, strengthening conversations & friendship. Of feeling lucky and worried. Of needing to be here and there and definitely over there, all at the same time. The sense my character is being counted, the beat of the drum in the background in time with the ticking of the clock. My heart. The echogram told me, is fine. I cried in relief and because I wanted to vomit. All I want is good health and help with the bins. Perhaps a human voice to talk to when I call about the leccy.
Real talk, the words a murmuration ruminating in my head, in there is something concise. Still, I forgot to send the Fathers Day card, I just remembered I meant to order something nice. When they ask I play it down, act like being responsible for everything is easy, and actually, sometimes I find it a breeze. Other times I’m smiling in the mirror and wondering, how I will ever find the time. Looking round for someone to help make this easier it’s the reflection staring right back at me.
Looking to run up a mountain. Looking for a PA… A yogi…can you help me..