Adjustment Guidance Nagoya Therapist

Adjustment Guidance Nagoya Therapist Native English-speaking psychology practice located in the heart of Nagoya, Japan.

08/06/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

In an emotionally distant relationship, you can feel like you are living with a roommate rather than a romantic partner. The atmosphere in the home can feel cold and distant. There is a lack of deep conversation, and communication can feel limited to logistics like bills, chores, and schedules. There is no sharing of yourselves, your dreams, or hopes for the future. There is little to no engagement even when conflict arises: one or both are quick to shut down and retreat. There is also a lack of intimacy. You may still share light pecks and quick hugs, but deeper intimacy is lost. You both prefer solo activities over mutually engaging activities and are living your life in parallel rather than together. You spend most of your time cultivating and nursing your own interests and solo projects. You put more effort into connecting with friends and family than you do connecting with each other. You no longer see each other as a source of support and prefer the comfort of friends or other family members. If this sounds like your relationship, it does not have to be the end. It can instead be a wake-up call. Today, you take the first step in the journey back to a loving and passionate relationship. It is possible and starts with small manageable steps.

The first step is deciding that your relationship is worth saving. In an emotionally distant relationship, the root causes are generally related to neglect. In some cases, they can be caused by a betrayal. No matter the cause, the road to repair is the same and starts with solo work to figure out what you truly want. Do you truly want to be with your partner? Take some time to reflect on what you really want and what leaving them would actually feel and look like. Would you be happier alone? It is important to note that, if there are hardships that are causing the distance, those hardships will still need to be overcome before you can thrive on your own, and this is especially true of financial hardship. Whatever money problems exist in the relationship will follow you into your single life unless they are caused by your partner's addiction. It is important to note that an emotionally distant relationship is generally not one filled with resentment. It is simply one in which the partners are no longer engaging. Overcoming resentment is possible but is also a different path.

Closing the emotional distance requires starting small. Something as simple as asking your partner to join you for a morning beverage and practicing small gestures of presence, like making eye contact or asking a thoughtful question that requires a few sentences to answer with follow up questions that can spark conversation. Being honest and telling your partner you miss them and want to re-engage. Be sure not to place blame and instead focus on what you want the future to look like. If either of you are under a lot of stress, create space to decompress and support each other. When possible, introduce some novelty. Start something new like taking a class together, taking walks together, listening to each other’s favorite artist or podcast, or reading the same book. Anything can work if you are doing it together. Introduce physical touch throughout the day, like holding hands or giving a shoulder rub. Another step is to make the bedroom an emotionally intimate space and not talk about negative or stressful things in bed. Instead, focus on positivity and each other. Leave discussions of bills and negative life events outside of the bedroom. These small steps will lower walls and help to rebuild intimacy and emotional closeness.

01/06/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

While living an inspired life can evoke images of the divine, it is actually more down to earth and attainable than it sounds. Living an inspired life is about aligning your actions, core values, and passions. Core values are the values that drive you. This is not the values that “should” drive you, but what actually drives you. Knowing your core values and embracing them without shame allows you to embrace what truly inspires you, and whatever it is - as long as it is the truth - is 100% ok. Some people are motivated by having a lot of s*x, others by building a community, and some by family. S*x, family, and community are all types of intimacy. They are all different forms of intimacy, but they all involve connecting with people. Some are motivated by money, notoriety, or health. These are all types of stability. Looking at what motivates you and then breaking that down into what it means to you and what you are truly trying to achieve will provide you with your driving core value and open up a variety of ways to achieve the desired outcome, making it easier to craft an inspired life. Total honesty is an essential part of the process.

Once you have your core value, you have your why. Your core value is the answer to why you do what you do. If you look at your actions, and they do not serve the purpose of achieving your core principle, this needs investigation. Ask yourself; why are you engaging in actions that do not serve your core principle? Is there something you value more? What might be missing? This requires shameless exploration of your true desires to understand what you truly value. It is only when we are completely honest with ourselves that you can achieve living an inspired life. You must first know what your core value is before you can align your actions with your truth. This may take time, and you may need to experiment and try on different values to find what your guiding core value is. During your experimental process, you may discover that you have multiple core values that at first look don’t seem to align. If this is the case, ask yourself which value is the strongest. Over time, one will prevail, or you will discover the connective tissue between your values that allows you to bring them into alignment.

Living an inspired life is not the same as living an ideal life. The difference is that an ideal life does not need to touch reality and an inspired life does. An inspired life requires actions that we can take. In the “ideal”, we do not have to think about the reality of enacting the changes necessary to achieve the ideal. In an ideal world, we do not have to navigate around the actions of others. We can be entirely desire focused and do not need to engage with our principles or core values. In an inspired life, our core values create a guiding light through which to see all of our actions. Once we have our guiding light, we can audit our actions and bring our life into alignment with our core value. Looking at our daily actions across seven days and asking ourselves which of our actions moved us closer to alignment with our core value and which actions moved us away provides a road map for change. We can use this road map to curate our lives by starting the process of editing out and changing behaviors that don’t align. We control what percentage of our actions and life are going to be dedicated to achieving our core value. The higher the percentage, the more inspired you will feel.

24/05/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

Mental resilience allows us to adjust to new circumstances and manage change effectively. The higher our mental resilience, the better we are at managing setbacks and reframing them as opportunities for learning and personal development. Mental resilience allows us the emotional flexibility to navigate difficulties and "bounce back" to a state of well-being. It is not necessarily an innate trait; it can be learned, practiced, and developed over time by anyone. We can all develop the ability to use positive strategies to handle challenges, rather than being overwhelmed by them. We can take steps daily that cultivate and build mental resilience, starting with our morning routine. Most of us check our devices before we get out of bed, and delaying that can be a big boost to our resilience. If we instead dedicate our mornings to ourselves and set our intentions, we can cultivate positivity. If we start our day with 5 things we are grateful for and 5 actions that uplift us and tell us we are worthy of care, we can increase our internal positivity. Discovering things that signal we are worthy of care takes a bit of processing and focus. Giving yourself the space to center yourself is central to improving mental resilience. Knowing you are worthy makes it easier to take up space and center yourself.

Centering yourself allows you to do check-ins throughout your day and see how you are feeling. Regular check-ins with yourself will identify the things that promote well-being and the things that drain you. Your body often knows before your mind what drains you. Pay attention to signals and notice when you feel tension, have headaches, feel dehydrated, or experience shallow breathing because these often accompany draining situations. Also note when your body feels relaxed and your body language is open because this can indicate that you are in a positive safe space. Look for these safe spaces and activities throughout the day and use them to regain energy. These can be your ports in a storm that allow you to recharge. If you don’t already have them, take time to create some safe spaces. Be sure that during the work day you are using your break time to center yourself and recharge. In the evening, take time to deescalate and do an emotional cleanse.

Recapping our day and highlighting what we did well, even if it is simply surviving the day, helps use shift to a more positive mindset. Making time every day to do something that has the potential to spark joy is also very important. Even if we cannot engage in activities we love every day, we can plan them and put them on our calendar. By having a future that excites us, we begin to cultivate hope. Looking ahead with positivity can help us endure challenging times in the present. Another aspect of building positivity into our lives is finding opportunities to laugh. Laughter lowers stress hormones like cortisol and releases endorphins. The more we laugh, the easier it becomes to bounce back after disappointment or stress. The more we laugh, the more the brain experiences joy and relief. Laughter teaches our brain how to relax and feel safe, making it easier to expect good outcomes rather than negative ones. Being forward facing, looking towards the future, and letting go of the past is easier when the future is bright. Knowing that we have the power to seek joy, plan fun things, and laugh are powerful tools that build resilience. By taking even a few of the small steps outlined here, you are choosing more good days than bad. You have the power to transform your life and improve your mental resilience.

11/05/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

Fatalism is the feeling that every outcome is already fixed in place and destined to be negative no matter how hard you try to turn things around. It is a form of feeling out of control and powerless. When fatalism is on board, it is easy to give up and feel like your fate has already been decided. It is easy to feel like nothing good is ever going to happen. We don’t have to accept a bad life. We can influence outcomes and take steps that prove to us that our actions can impact and change outcomes. This is not true for every outcome, and that is ok. It is also not perfectly true that negative outcomes or more likely 100% of the time. We can figure out which dynamics lend themselves to change by questioning our circumstances and having a challenge mindset. Instead of accepting what fate has to offer, we can investigate and experiment with our own power to change outcomes. It begins with paying attention to thought patterns and when you find yourself thinking "it's meant to be" or "there's no point" challenging this acceptance. Ask yourself if this thought helps you accept the uncontrollable or if it’s stopping you from trying.

Accepting fate can be comforting, and moving away from fatalism requires a bit of discomfort. Investigating and challenging our perception of what is and what is not susceptible to our influence is empowering. It is a powerful feeling to know that you can influence outcomes and change your life. You don’t have to accept what does not serve you. By replacing the thought "It won't work" with "What if I tried? What if it worked?", you begin to make space for your own abilities. Understanding the radius of your influence creates room for hope. Knowing that you can control your effort, attitude, and response makes room for the positive. Looking for and acknowledging small positive changes you create will highlight your ability to create change and rebuild your sense of personal efficacy. You can start by taking one small action to make your day more positive to break the cycle of acceptance. I suggest starting with your morning routine and adding one small thing just for you. It can be the addition of a favorite beverage or some morning stretches. Something just for you.

You don’t have to wait to feel inspired: if you are not a morning person, then add something at another time of day. You have the power to choose when and what this small gift and pocket of positivity looks like for you. Another important step is detoxing your feed. Seek out uplifting content, such as podcasts, nature shows, or reading materials that foster hope. Limit exposure to negativity. This also includes the people in your life. Seek out people who focus on solutions rather than those who reinforce a feeling of helplessness or negativity. Actively look for positive or neutral things in your power to counter the habit of focusing on the negative. When things feel overwhelming, allow yourself to rest. Resting and recharging is important. Having a culture of self-compassion where your well-being is the central focus feeds positivity. I know this can sound selfish, but when we take care of ourselves we have more of ourselves to give. We also have more space to hope and work towards a future that has us excited. Changing our mindset and embracing our power is hard work, and we should be sure to balance the work we are doing with time to recharge and recalibrate. Taking care of ourselves is a key part of the process. We don’t have to change everything all at once. Every step, even the small ones, helps.

04/05/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

Most of us have an inner life that is extremely cruel. This is due to our self-talk. Our internal dialogue can either lift us up or quietly tear us down with a constant stream of criticism. This is because most of us do not learn how to set boundaries within ourselves. If we think about it for a moment, we quickly realize we would never tolerate a stranger coming up to us and saying some of the things our inner voice says to us. That is because we have an expectation of what living in a civil society looks like. We have clear set boundaries. Our internal life is much more intimate than society, but don’t we deserve to have boundaries there as well? Don’t we deserve to have a civil internal life that lifts us up and helps us have more good days than bad? This is achievable and starts with retaining our inner voice. When we no longer accept cruelty and criticism, they stop being our default. Noticing cruelty and criticism and calling it out as not consecutive begins to interrupt the pattern and opens the door for redirection.

A simply question in the face of criticism, such as asking for something constructive that is helpful, moves us towards accepting and acknowledging our own humanity. To be human is to be flawed. In our human moments, we do not deserve to be torn down and destroyed. We deserve consideration and compassion. We deserve a way back from our mistake. We deserve to be forgiven and allowed to move on. Calling ourselves names or dooming ourselves does not match reality. The worst outcome of most mistakes is the effort necessary to correct them. We can reduce that effort by acknowledging that the mistake is frustrating and wish it had not happened, but it is not world ending. When we hear ourselves reduced to name calling and harsh criticism, we should take a moment to ask ourselves what the truth is. Are we really stupid: is that what we really think? If we truly believe ourselves to be stupid, what can we do about that? There are courses for everything. There are a million and one ways to improve intelligence.

By examining the criticism and making the cost for criticism taking action, we reduce the insults we use. We begin to move away from harmful self-talk that only serves the purpose of tearing us down. We start to replace throw away insults, such as calling ourselves stupid, to properly naming the emotion driving it as frustration. By taking a moment to figure out how we are feeling, we can then do the work to resolve those feelings in a productive way. Through this process of examining criticism, taking action, and exploring the emotion driving the criticism, we move towards self-compassion. We start a practice of self-warmth and kindness in moments of struggle. We are all going to struggle, and we do not deserve an inner voice that heaps cruelty on top of our struggle. We do not deserve punishment on top of our struggle. It is human to struggle, and challenging moments are not our forever. Criticism in those moments are a distraction that prevent us from making progress. Our inner critic wastes our time because there are no solutions in the criticism. Knowing that our internal negativity does not serve us or tell us the truth makes it easier to turn down the volume and, over time, let it go completely.

27/04/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

A hard truth is that many successful people still feel constantly on edge. This feeling of being constantly on edge is a system-level miscalibration, and this is good news because we can learn to recalibrate. If we understand panic and anxiety as a false signal under uncertainty load, we can do the work to reduce uncertainty. This is also true of perfectionism and the need for control. Whatever the anxiety trigger, we can reduce and adapt to the trigger. Reducing triggers is a familiar concept for those battling anxiety with adaptation being generally less familiar. I introduce adapting to triggers because most successful, high-functioning people are under-adapted to ambiguity. A great many people struggle in the gray area of uncertainty. This is because successful people tend to exert a high level of control over their success. Being successful is often the result of executing a well thought out plan or series of moves. Because success is often hard won, it can feel fragile and precarious.

Learning that our success is resilient and that we can make it bullet proof is a process that begins with getting comfortable or adapting to ambiguity. Most of us learn that what we cannot control is what hurts us, and this is true far less often than we think. I will concede that there will be times that the unknown is dangerous but note that holding space for our destruction is not the right solution. To reinforce this, I often ask my clients to think of examples when the unexpected brought something positive into their lives. The biggest, most unexpected event for most people is finding love. We often hold on to our big, unexpected wins less tightly than we do our unexpected losses. Disappointment, hurt, and fear are so much louder than satisfaction, comfort, and safety. Letting go of our fear of the unknown takes the bullhorn away from anxiety and the fear that is driving it. Letting go of fear allows us to feel safe in the unknown. A big help in letting go of fear is naming what there is to be afraid of.

When we know what we are afraid of, we understand what our control, perfectionism, and anxiety are trying to prevent. Another part of adapting is exploring what positive outcomes might exist in parallel with the bad. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge that uncertainty holds positive and negative possibilities equally, we learn to balance the scales. We train ourselves to not only look for the bad in ambiguity but also the good. We train ourselves to see the unknown as endless possibilities because that’s what it is. Tomorrow is unknown. Even if we are going to work tomorrow, there are a million little things that we cannot predict that may positively impact our day. We can take steps to increase the likelihood of positive outcomes, but we cannot guarantee all of them. Most people struggling with anxiety already know this. That’s a starting point, and we must also embrace that we cannot guarantee all the negative outcomes either. If we are comfortable with the unknown pockets of positivity, we can embrace ambiguity and balance the scales. We do not need to be battle ready, and we can enjoy the good that is coming to us. We can embrace the positive in the unknown.

20/04/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

Life most often feels out of control when we are focused on external events or what other people have that we don’t. Another culprit is looking too far into the future. These habits lead to feeling overwhelmed, afraid, out of control, and trapped. The first step is to focus on right now today. What can you do today that will make tomorrow better? If this thought creates negative feelings, remind yourself that it can be something small. It can be as small as drinking a glass of water to ensure you are well hydrated. The size of the action does not matter. What is significant is finding a starting point that reminds you of the choices you have. A starting place for regaining control, reducing stress, and improving your life. Focusing on what you can do today also reduces the scope and scale of the impact of your actions. This means we stop focusing on everything that is wrong and out of our control. By asking ourselves what we can do today, it makes our actions time-limited. It also reduces what we are trying to impact by focusing on what we can do today to make tomorrow better. Not the rest of our lives, just tomorrow.

By limiting our focus, we naturally reduce judgment. If we are just focusing on a 24 hour period of time, we no longer have the weight of the rest of our lives and the judgments that come with that time frame. We also simultaneously satisfy and reduce the urgency of now. The urgency of now tells us that, if we do not accomplish all of our goals right now, we are failing. By focusing on a 24 hour period of time, we satisfy the need to take action now, however we remove the belief that we need to fix everything today because the goal is improvement and not completion. We are not trying to fix all of our problems today: we are simply trying to make tomorrow a bit better, even if only by a little bit. By focusing on small things we can do today to make tomorrow better, we create the permission structure necessary to chip away at larger goals. Most large goals need to be broken down into smaller steps to be achievable. There are very few things in life that can be accomplished all at once. This is also true of being in control. What we can control and influence are a series of small things that add up.

By reducing the scale of our vision from everything and nothing to small or bite-sized pieces, we quickly shift away from what others have control of to what we control. Using the water example, if we decide to drink more water, we are in total control of when and how that happens. There are thousands of small decisions we make every day that reflect what we are in control of. If we start looking at small changes, they add up over time and bring into focus all of our choice points and decisions we must make. They begin to paint a picture of how we got to where we are now and how we can change the things that feel overwhelming. We can make different choices. Our lives are a series of small choices that combine to have large consequences. Taking back control is about actively choosing what you do and do not do. Sometimes the thing we need to change to make tomorrow better is what we say yes and no to. By making small changes today, we can make big improvements for our tomorrow.

15/04/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

A polycrisis is a profound feeling of fear and helplessness due to economic, environmental, and technological (AI) uncertainties. Uncertainty in just one of these areas is enough to destabilize anyone, but when all three converge it can feel completely overwhelming. One of the ways we deal with this actually makes things worse. Seeking more information quickly turns into doom scrolling. Watching more news and accumulating more information that supports our fears is not healthy. Our “What if” thinking generally hyper focuses on the worst outcome. As we gain more bad news, we fuel our doomsday fears and validate our worst case scenario. Sadly, in today’s world, finding trusted sources of balanced information is becoming harder and harder. With that said, we do need to become better at vetting our sources and sourcing facts without emotion so that we can better understand reality. Even our most trusted news source needs to be vetted for bias. If we are getting our news from the internet or even government news sources, then we must be aware that the primary motivation is clicks and views.

When studied, the world is informed that bad news gets clicked on, read, and shared 30 times more than positive news. This is a big driver of how news stories and posts are created. We need to question the purpose of the source. Does this source truly want to inform me or is its primary goal engagement? Is the news that it is reporting balanced, objective, and fair? Does it share more than one point of view? AI is a great example of this. If you search news about AI taking over jobs, you can find lists of jobs that AI has taken over or will take over. One at the top of every list for jobs AI has taken over is copy editing. I personally know the owner of an editing company, and while they do use AI, they have not laid off a single person. They still need a human in the loop. We need to ask ourselves what first-hand knowledge we have of anyone losing their job because of AI. I am not denying that it is happening; I am merely sharing that it is not happening at the rate reported. Many people laid off on the first wave of AI job takeovers have been rehired. AI is not going anywhere, but there is time to pivot to a job that is not under threat from AI.

If the fear of AI is more existential, then look at realistic timelines for when AI will have the type of roles you fear. Right now, AI does not actually “think”, meaning it is not able to act in the way that drives most existential fears. We can do the same process when it comes to climate change. There are people in the world working to solve or reverse some of the damage to the climate and are making great strides. Balancing what we know about climate change with what is known about climate recovery is essential to having a balanced understanding of both. Also doing what you can to limit your negative impact on the climate is empowering and reduces feelings of helplessness. When it comes to the economy, most people are more impacted by microeconomics than global economics. Microeconomics focuses on the behavior of individuals and firms in localized areas. Local trends are more likely to impact you personally than country-wide, regional, or global behaviors. Large-scale economic trends tend to not directly impact the individual. Industry changes in our local area or country tend to have more of an impact. If we balance our focus between good and bad news as well as local and global news, we can craft a more realistic picture of the future and avoid falling into a state of polycrisis.

07/04/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

When we are quick to anger, have anger that is greater than the circumstance calls for, or have difficulty letting anger go, we need to improve our anger management. This type of anger can feel out of control and like it may never end. When anger becomes “locked on,” the best response is to become inquisitive. Before we can become inquisitive, we need to create a safe emotional space for the exploration of our anger. Anger often demands to be expressed, and there are safe ways to do so. Finding a private space to vocalize or yell helps get the anger out of our bodies and into the world. Sometimes doing physical activity such as shadow boxing, pushing against a wall, or running can also help to get it out of our body. When anger is not expressed or expelled, it tends to feed itself by circling in our brain and making it impossible to calm down. Getting the anger out of our body and into the world is the first step in being able to self-regulate and de-escalate. Finding what works for you is a matter of trial and error. Once the anger is out of our body and in the world, we can begin to focus on what we are really angry about.

To excavate what is driving the anger, we can ask ourselves what is the trigger. Anger triggers come in a variety of shapes, but the most common are feeling disrespected or trapped. A few other common drivers of anger are inequity or unfair treatment and feeling impeded or interfered with along with feeling like there are issues left unresolved. Understanding which of these is happening allows us to make a plan to address the core trigger, but before we can do that we need to express how we feel uncensored. We can say how we feel out loud, to a friend, or wrote it down. The important thing is that we do not censor our expression or language. This uncensored expression will help us uncover what the fuel for our anger is. Are we unable to let go of the anger because we feel the affront will happen again or that we are co-signing the dynamic if we let our anger go? Do we feel like we are going to lose something or that someone will get away with bad behavior? Knowing what our anger is preventing allows us to make a plan to address it. We can switch from anger to problem solving. We can develop a way to hold others accountable that do not cause harm. We can also look for loopholes in systems that are unjust.

It is important, when we are developing our plan, that our solution is not delivered in an angry way. We can further our ability to problem solve by also exploring what emotions come up as the anger fades. Does letting go of the anger feel unsafe because of the underlying emotion, such as fear, panic, dependence, or uncertainty? Is there the feeling that, if you are not angry, patterns or behaviors that are unacceptable will happen again? Does letting go of the anger feel like losing? This type of excavation can reveal the fuel and allow us to move away from rumination and hyper focus on anger. Understanding what’s at risk if the anger goes away provides the space for creating safety. Knowing what staying angry holds in place and protects you from unlocks the ability to move beyond anger and into problem solving. Being angry feels awful and rarely, on its own, improves situations. Sometimes, even the smallest of actions can move us out of anger and into a calmer, safer mindset. Examining the anger proves that we are not stuck and that we can regain control. It takes time and practice for us to learn how to manage our anger, but it is worth effort.

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462-0810

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