Marriage-The Sacred Covenant

Marriage-The Sacred Covenant Passionate about nurturing functional and Godly relationships, Marriages & families.

14/04/2024

Dealing with a Narcissistic Spouse

Narcissism is real and can be very challenging especially in the context of a marriage.It can drain the other spouse and therefore the need to really understand how to manage the experience especially from an emotional point of view.

Characteristics of a Narcissistic spouse

*Lacks empathy-ideally you would expect your spouse to feel your pain and understand your struggles;a narcissist will not.
*Self-centered most of the time-it’s about them,they rarely considers the spouse.
*Threatened by the spouse’s progress-ideally you would expect to be celebrated by your partner which is not the case.
*Blames the spouse for everything that is not working in the relationship- they fail to admit whenever they are wrong and will shift the blame to the spouse.
*They are gaslighters -making the spouse to lack self confidence
*Very entitled individuals-They demand the best treatment regardless.

How to Navigate

*Consider couple therapy if the other partner is open to the idea as a way of seeking support.
*Self awareness and understanding narcissistic behavior -To help you appreciate the source of the problem and avoid self blame.
*Get a life outside the relationship-chase your dreams,hobbies,establish other social relationships that can keep you emotionally stable.
*Draw clear boundaries and stick to them to ensure you are in control of yourself.
*Be assertive
*Self care,Self care ,Self care-prioritize yourself physically,emotionally,spiritually and mentally-nothing/nobody should come in between.
*Stay in only when you are sure you have some level of control and your life is safe.

11/04/2024

It is okay not to be okay-Normalize Seeking Therapy

So much is happening around us and sometimes leaving us feeling drained.Just as our physical bodies feel fatigued and in need of rest, our mental health requires our focus in order to remain fully functional

Sometimes we feel drained,angry,misunderstood,unsupported,confused,anxious,lonely,we even experience shame, and discouragement …name them…It is part of life,and it’s important to always remember that it is okay not to be okay.Please seek support through embracing therapy in such a moment.

Therapy allows us to freely express our thoughts and what we feel about different situations we pass through to a neutral person who helps us to objectively navigate the challenges from a professional point of view,therapist helps us understand ourselves better and guides us on how to gradually improve,they help us appreciate those around us and this leads to self-awareness hence building better /stable relationships.

Therapy is for everyone,therapy helps us transform for the better,helps us be better partners especially in relationships and marriage,helps us be better parents,siblings,friend -therapy helps us to be emotionally stable and this promotes our mental wellness .Therapy is for the bold,embrace it for your stability and sanity.

Therapy is medicine to the mind.Please encourage people to seek therapy and eliminate the stigma.Just as you work hard for a physically fit body through exercises,seek therapy for a healthy mind and emotional stability.

09/04/2024

An encouragement to a woman juggling critical roles while chasing her dreams

In the word today,many women find themselves juggling multiple yet key roles and responsibilities such as pursuing a successful career or business,raising a well-knit family and maintaining a stable marriage.

Sometimes the societal pressures and expectations may make women and those around them believe they should choose between pursuing their careers or businesses or give focus and attention to only their roles as wives/mothers.

It is also very important to recognize that success in all these areas is possible especially with the right support system and taking time to believe in yourself

Some of the tips to help you navigate

*Embrace flexibility-adjust as you carry on just Incase changes come your way.
*Seek support-family,friends -this is why a support system is very critical to help
*Have boundaries & ensure they are respected especially by defining your priorities
*Prioritize yourself
*Embrace open communication for alignment -those that matter-spouse,children and your support system
*Learn from others who have made it in the past.

Above all the grace of God is sufficient-trust him ,walk with him and talk to him about your struggles as you thank him for every milestone achieved.It may look difficult,but it is doable.

06/11/2023

Women are wired to care and show affection wholeheartedly. Due to this nature,some women will query,out of concern whenever their partner is not matching the expectations.How this is done May be interpreted as insecurity.It may be,it may not..most often the woman wishes the best for the relationship/Marriage and hence cannot keep up with some habits.

In some cases,the more she tries to pull her man to herself,majority will work hard to drift away.

Out of that situation,some may seek support and look sometimes helpless.

If one time you (the man)wake-up and observe the following behavior (which was not the case previously) please be careful and relook;

>She doesn’t bother to correct you
>She excludes you from her plans
>She doesn’t let you know about her day
>She doesn’t bother to check on your whereabouts
>She cares less about what happens to you

These are signs she has given up on you.

If this is your story do not give up-women can be forgiving -however 100%behavior change is the best apology they know best.It doesn’t happen suddenly-commitment,consistency and genuine love is a sign of remorse that touches the heart of a woman.

10/08/2023

Marriage is hard work that works.

Nothing comes on a silver platter in this life.
We are known to work hard in different aspects of life to get results.However, in marriage we expect things just to work out and bring happiness- this is not the case. We put efforts for good grades in school,to earn a promotion at the workplace,to accomplish an assignment /complete a project (just to name but a few)
Marriage is not different.Both partners are expected to put efforts towards a common goal of a happy and working marriage.

Many are the times we just get married and think happiness will just come automatically.The journey has just begun.As we pray and trust God to make it a happy one,our role still stands.God will never do that which concerns us as human beings.

We work on ourselves and with our partners and the Lord will bless our relationships and perfect all that concerns us.

Tips to help you build a working relationship:

✅Open and honest communication
✅Support your partner emotionally
✅Trust and respect
✅Collaboration /teamwork
✅Compromises (not your way always)
✅Spend quality time with your spouse
✅Don’t lose you-build you to build your partner (you cannot give that which you do not have)

21/04/2023

Pillars of a marriage relationship

1.Respect

Respect must be mutual
Being courteous to your partner shows you are respectful
Showing care and concern where required
Ability to appreciate their contribution to the relationship
Respect communicates love deeply that mere words

2.Acceptance

Helps partners build trust and security since they are loved as they are.
Acceptance demonstrates Flexibility
Demonstrates the ability to adjust and manage one’s expectations -Not about you always
Ability to validate each other’s experiences despite one’s position on the issue -you care and appreciate their point of view
Valuing your spouses diversity is a sign of accepting them.

3.Validation

The ability to be heard and understood despite the perspectives.
Validation enhances intimacy and emotional closeness,both persons feel supported and important in the relationship.
To succeed in this pillar you have to be a good listener and empathetic.

09/03/2023

Despite the civilization taking over around the world,the word of God never changes.

Today I want to talk about "A man as the head of the family "from a biblical perspective. This speaks to those who have subscribed to a marriage setup or are considering to.

Both husbands and wives are very critical for the family to run,however we need to be alive to the fact that they all have key and clear roles defined by God himself that should be observed.

The man is the head of the family-Ephesians 5:23-For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,his body,of which he is the savior.

A call to all the men to step-up to their mandate and execute their roles as per Christ’s expectation.Love your wives unconditionally just as Christ loved the church.Be the provider and offer wise counsel as the family lead.

Likewise wives,despite the progress in life,despite the academic,professional titles,please stick to your lane of being a helper respectively.Submit to your husbands.

Allow the man to take the lead-it is his biblical position.Be the suitable helper and do so graciously-this way we shall have modeled a marriage just as Christ intended💯

28/02/2023

Marriage calls us to be intentional,present and committed to our partners alone.

Someone will stay and do marriage with you because they have made-up their mind to stay.It's a personal decision.

No amount of work will keep a man or a woman who has decided to walk away.

Please do not blame yourself,do not beat yourself up thinking of what you didn't do,what you did wrong....especially if you have played your roles well as a spouse.It's a personal decision to stay or walk away.

God's intentions for our marriages is that they last long until death do us part...God hates divorce...let us not pride in it where possible.
Revive the first love.

18/01/2023

What children learn through interacting with their parents is mostly what they carry for the rest of their life in regards to how to treat others especially in a family setup.

From our immediate family, a child will learn how to trust, be kind,be respectful,seek friendships from others, and find comfort with others as well.

Sometimes Issues come up in marital relationships that rob the couple the peace and joy especially as partners, and sometimes this is extended to the children.

Let us learn to keep the younger children off the fights.Some have used children as a weapon to fight the other partner which is not fair to the children.To them it’s mum or dad period-It’s their blood!Don’t set up your children against their father or mother despite the issues existing between you two.

Relate as you wish as adults and independently allow them to cultivate a relationship with the other parent.As they grow they will decide on how to relate further.

Protect them also from mental/psychological torture while still young by not involving them in the unpleasant incidences you may go through as a couple to also help them shape their future relationships.

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