Dr. Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD therapist

Dr. Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD therapist Dr Marcel de Roos is a Psychologist PhD from the Netherlands with a private practice in Colombo Sri Lanka. Many of my clients are expats and foreigners. etc.)

Hi, I am dr. Marcel de Roos (Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands with more than 30 years of experience) and I have a general psychology practice in a residential area in Nugegoda (see my website www.marcelderoos.com for an elaborate route description). My practice is located in my house in comfortable, confidential surroundings and not in public impersonal hospitals. Living in Sri Lanka now for sixt

een years, being Dutch myself and married to my Sri Lankan wife Manjula I can relate to the issues that expats encounter. I work with adults (expat issues, marriage counselling, depression, anxiety, sexual problems, addictions, LGBTQ-related issues, trauma therapy, stress, personal development, giving meaning to your life, how to build self-esteem, choosing a profession and career advice, social issues, etc. and with children (teenager counselling, study related problems, personal and social issues, etc.). Furthermore I give (onsite) individual coaching for CEO's, higher management, entrepreneurs and executives (confidential personal issues, leadership issues, career development, work stress, etc.). Please visit my website www.marcelderoos.com for more information about myself and how I work. I am affiliate psychologist with:

- the United States Embassy in Colombo for visiting American citizens, for Embassy staff members and I conduct psychological assessments of US citizens on behalf of the U.S. Social Security Administration.

- UNHCR Sri Lanka, for refugees until their resettlement abroad.

- Workplace Options (www.workplaceoptions.com) for their Sri Lankan clients. For them I provide Employee Assistance Program (EAP) services for employees and family members. Confidentiality is most important to me. What is said in therapy is very private and it stays private. One of the methods I use is to work with feelings, behaviour and thoughts; in the present and in the past. The end result is a more balanced personality. Other methods I use are for example:

- elements of short-term psychodynamic therapy

- elements of cognitive behaviour therapy

- elements of emotionally focused couple therapy


Although I am not a big proponent of administering drugs for mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, in some cases it can be useful. Depression has everything to do with FEELING depressed. Since depression is about stuck emotions, it makes sense to treat it from that angle. Psychiatrists and other medical doctors are generally speaking not trained in conducting and understanding research. Psychologists on the other hand, have to undergo a stringent and extensive schooling regarding research (on my website www.marcelderoos.com you can read articles about typical differences between psychologists and psychiatrists). Not only plain “statistics” like multiple regression analysis but more about the art of how to set up proper research studies and how to “read” them. Research is difficult; you need to have an extremely critical mindset. There exists no "chemical imbalance in the brain" and this and the "serotonin reuptake" story (people are encouraged to believe that depression is caused by a deficiency of serotonin as in the analogy with diabetes and insulin) are just clever marketing concoctions of the pharmaceutical industry, there is no scientific medical proof. We know for some twenty years that antidepressants do not outperform placebo (see for example www.joannamoncrieff.com and Kirsch, 1998). On top of that antidepressants have a whole list of (possible) side-effects, of which weight gain and sexual dysfunctions (not a pleasant thing when you're already depressed) are the most common ones; for both genders for example reduced libido and delayed or blocked or**sm and for men difficulty in having an er****on. For more information please read in the articles on my website www.marcelderoos.com. With extreme rare illnesses like bipolar depression (if correctly diagnosed!) and schizophrenia medication is paramount. As I always tell my clients, whenever they want to stop with medication it's very important to do this under medical supervision. The consultations can take place face to face, by phone or online (WhatsApp, Zoom, FaceTime, etc.). If you wish to change a scheduled appointment, it’s important that you provide at least 24 hours advance notice, in order to avoid being charged for the session. Appointments cancelled within this 24-hour window will be charged at the full rate. My practice is open from Tuesday till Saturday from 8 AM till 7 PM. Sundays and Mondays are my days off. Appointments can be made by mail, text message or by phone. During the sessions I don't answer phone calls but I always call back in the 10 minutes breaks in between the sessions. Phone: 077-2310869
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.marcelderoos.com

DEFENSE MECHANISMS.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands.www.marcelderoos.comDefense mechanisms (or co...
06/08/2026

DEFENSE MECHANISMS.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands.
www.marcelderoos.com

Defense mechanisms (or coping strategies) are subconscious psychological reactions which protect us against fear, stress or painful emotions. They are linked with conflicts, for example, somebody wrestles with a low self-esteem and a fear of rejection. In order to mitigate that fear, you could consciously try to do everything extremely well, and become a perfectionist.

After some time you will become worn out and drained and you might end up consulting a psychotherapist. It seems not possible to relax and you tell the psychotherapist that you suffer because of your perfectionism. But this perfectionism is only a symptom that covers the conflict between self-esteem and rejection. There are several ways to deal with defense mechanisms, each of them with their own effect and with their own symptoms. In addition, maintaining defense mechanisms and symptoms often takes enormous amounts of energy.

It is not possible in this article to name and describe all the different defense mechanisms (there are more than thirty). When we think in the line of a psychological development model, we differentiate between immature and more mature defense mechanisms. As the psychological system gets better developed and more mature, more refined defense mechanisms are possible.

Here are several examples of some immature defense mechanisms:

Projective identification: you can’t bear certain painful emotions and you place them outside yourself by subconsciously splitting them from yourself and put them on another person. For example, a client all of his life resists a strong feeling of separation anxiety, but when we talk about his childhood the feeling starts to resonate. He doesn’t feel anything and speaks about his painful childhood experiences in a cheerful and humouristic way, while the therapist is almost in tears.

Splitting: in the baby and toddler period splitting is in essence a healthy defense mechanism to prevent being flooded by separation- and attachment anxieties. Feeling angry at the mother can be experienced as extremely threatening because it can destroy the good side of the mother. It’s not possible to integrate different experiences of yourself and others, in this example the images of the bad and the good mother can’t be merged into a good and sometimes bad mother. In a healthy development the toddler can feel that you’re a sweet mama but sometimes I am also angry with you.

Projection: projection differs from projective identification in the sense that with projective identification the client has lost the contact with the resisted emotion. With projection the client places that feeling outside herself by projecting it to the therapist: in order to experience the specific feeling, without feeling the fear which it would give to herself.

A few examples of more mature defense mechanisms:

Reaction formation: transforming subconsciously unacceptable feelings, desires or impulses in the opposite behaviour. For example acting extremely polite and concerned whilst feeling a deep anger of dislike for that person; or masking intense feelings of insecurity or fear by acting very arrogant or confident.

Rationalisation: suppressing emotions by justifying and rationalising unacceptable behaviour and beliefs. For example telling the therapist (who is aware that he is undeniable in love with a colleague at work) that he only tries to help this colleague with her divorce but that he has a very solid and happy marriage and he knows that he never should start something with someone at work.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

PROCRASTINATION AND PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands, www.marcelderoo...
10/07/2026

PROCRASTINATION AND PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands, www.marcelderoos.com

Procrastination is a very common phenomenon. We postpone a task which we are aware of what we should do, while we know that delaying it will lead to stress and problems. It’s a form of present bias: the human tendency to disproportionately prefer the present over the future. But it typically, after a brief relief, leaves us with unpleasant feelings like shame and guilt.

In an evolutionary sense it makes perfectly sense: the prehistoric human didn’t need to think about future years, what mattered was this moment. Therefore it’s difficult to restrain your food and drinks today because it’s better for your health in the future, or to save for your pension when you’re twenty-five. Moderately procrastinating isn’t too bad, but with about one out of five adults it becomes chronic. It can lead to stress and feelings of anxiety and depression.

Superficial tips (which your neighbour can provide too) to deal with anxiety are mainly focused on time-management. Pomodoro technique: break work into intervals; separated by short breaks; celebrate successes by finishing small sub-tasks; dividing a complex task in smaller parts to enhance structure and clarity; start with the most important tasks first; reduce distractions in your workplace like phone, TV, music, etc.

Procrastinating is often a coping mechanism to deal with for example underlying stress, fear of failure, or perfectionism.
Psychodynamic psychotherapy is not about superficial symptom reduction, but focuses on the deeper root causes like unconscious dynamics and emotions which maintain this behaviour. By processing and understanding the underlying unconscious beliefs and emotional blockades, the inner tension will be reduced. Therefore you won’t feel forced any longer to escape tasks and there will develop space for lasting behavioural change and self-compassion.

Procrastination has nothing to do with laziness. It is usually a reaction to anxiety and suppressed emotions. Over time it undermines your confidence and you start to question your competency. As a result guilt, shame and low self-esteem become a problem, and you start to avoid tasks.

Starting a task, reading an assignment can trigger deeper emotions like shame about being not good enough, guilt about believing that you’re not successful, fear of failure, sadness about previous experiences where you have been criticised, etc.

All these emotions can cause anxiety, with as a result racing thoughts, tightness in the chest, mental fog, unable to comprehend text while your thoughts are elsewhere, urge to escape, etc.

To reduce this anxiety your mind starts avoiding: thinking about future scenarios, watching videos on your phone, doom-scrolling, planning other activities you could do, etc. But the relief is temporary and you’re still facing the task, plus the pressure is building, and you remain in a cycle.

Rational understanding is NOT enough. It’s about self-observation, identifying the emotional triggers, dealing with the ensuing anxiety, and most of all, experiencing the underlying emotions in a safe and “lived through” way. When you are able to face your emotions instead of suppressing them, the procrastination will be reduced.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

RESISTANCE AND PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY.By Dr Marcel de Roos, psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.com R...
16/06/2026

RESISTANCE AND PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

Resistance is a key concept in psychodynamic psychotherapy. It’s an inner (un)conscious opposition against fear-provoking awareness in a psychotherapy. Therapy usually evokes resistance because when we experience repressed emotions and conflicts, it initially generates anxiety.

Clients are ambivalent about changing their internal equilibrium which has been developed to keep painful emotions at bay. Insight and change can threaten this stability so clients may be inclined to obstruct the counsellor’s efforts in therapy.

This can be demonstrated in several manners: for example the client avoids certain subjects, keeps silent, and unknowingly shuts off emotions or displays behaviour that undermines the therapy like being late, not showing up or habitually starting a fight. But during treatment, resistance can also be viewed as something positive, it’s a signal that there is fear for something that is seemingly emotionally charged.

Psychodynamic psychotherapy is NOT about how to reduce symptoms but it’s about what is this symptom telling me? It goes much deeper than cognitive behaviour therapy where you learn to challenge thoughts, reframe beliefs, use worksheets, and manage the surface of problems without realising why similar emotional issues keep popping up.

Psychodynamic psychotherapy gives us a deep lived-through emotional understanding about for example anxiety, defensive behaviour, depression or repeating relationship issues. These are in fact reactions to former experiences which were once useful, but are now only limiting old strategies. But at present we can see them for what they are and by slowing down, self-reflect and understanding the unconscious patterns, we acquire breathing space and more inner peace.

A rule of the thumb in psychodynamic treatment is first to discuss the resistance as a sign of fear that is evoked by the threatening realisation of an impending emotional conflict. Only then the therapist should focus on the actual content that is being repressed. If the psychologist would directly inquire about the repressed content then the fear would accumulate and the resistance would be reinforced.

So it’s much better to approach the resistance like this: “I notice that you’re not really responding to my question and that you change the subject. It seems that you try to avoid my comment, is that correct? Is my question making you feel uneasy?” After having spent sufficient time with reflecting on the fear, a more direct question regarding the actual content (for example shame, guilt, aggression) could be posed.

Defence mechanisms, established in our psychological development, are considered as necessary adaptations for protection against overwhelming intense emotions or fears. Insight into the idiosyncratic defence mechanisms of a client enables the therapist to understand the client’s personal history, fantasy world or the coping capacity between vulnerability and stress. Resistant behaviour in therapy can be sometimes extremely demanding for the psychologist, but it can generate a very clarifying insight in the typical defence mechanisms and in the suffering of the client. This opens up possibilities for the therapist to empathise and understand. More about the different defence mechanisms in a later article.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

ADHD: MISCONCEPTIONS GALORE.By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comNowadays, in almo...
28/05/2026

ADHD: MISCONCEPTIONS GALORE.
By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

Nowadays, in almost every school class there is at least one quarter of the children which takes medication for some kind of mental disorder. It can be anxiety, depression, autism spectrum, ADHD, learning disabilities, behavioural disorders, etc. Especially ADHD stands out here, the sales of ADHD-medication have been skyrocketing since the turn of this century.

ADHD is a label for a behavioural and temperamental pattern that we find problematic in our increasingly stressful and performance pressured society, which also includes a strongly reduced tolerance for difficult outliers.

A broken leg explains why you can’t walk, and a high blood glucose level explains the complaints of diabetes. Psychiatric labels DESCRIBE a problem and usually don’t have a demonstrable physical cause. ADHD is not an explanation, but only a label for un-concentrated and hyper-active behaviour. Many health professionals make the classic mistake of reification: they speak about certain symptoms that children exhibit, BECAUSE they suffer from ADHD. But ADHD is just a definition, an abstraction without a real entity, and there exist no subtle signs of it.

The neurobiological vision on ADHD and other psychiatric disorders has been dominant in the past decades, despite the fact that research for the biological backgrounds of these disorders has provided almost no tangible results.

The pharmaceutical industry has of course its interest in promoting psychiatric disorders where they supply medication for, but they influence other involved parties too like scientists, psychiatrists, parents, teachers and governments. A psychiatric classification like ADHD and medication are not always bad, but for many children it’s better to stay out of the psychiatric system. Parents and teachers can achieve a lot with adequate support and guidance.

You are not born with ADHD, a baby can be a bit temperamental but no baby is born with the criteria for ADHD. It’s the environment (home, familial socio-economic factors, neighbourhood, school) where a child grows up in, that determines for a major part its development and its brain. Although there is much material on the internet that states that ADHD is heritable (with alleged percentages up to 70%), these are extremely flawed family-, adoption-, and twin-studies. A strong drawback with these kind of studies is that they can’t separate the influences of genes and environment. For example monozygotic (identical) twins usually have a stronger bond with each other and are generally treated by parents in a more similar way than dizygotic (fraternal) twins, see for instance Jay Joseph: “The trouble with twin studies”. In addition, there exists no studies about twins with ADHD which have been raised in separate environments. In short: no genetic marker has been consistently identified, and heritability studies are seriously confounded by familial environmental factors.

The brains of children with ADHD do not differ from other children. Structural and functional neuro-imaging studies have not identified a unique etiology for ADHD. The dogma that ADHD (or any other psychiatric disorder) is a disease or a neuro-behavioural condition does not hold up to scrutiny of evidence.

There is a significant symptom overlap with other DSM5 disorders like depression, anxiety, learning problems, etc. And the environment is not even included with these symptoms. Efforts to change environmental factors with parent- and teacher training, without giving the child a psychiatric label, can be extremely helpful.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

SEXUAL ABUSE: MANY FORMS BUT OFTEN DEVASTATING CONSEQUENCES.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.m...
11/04/2026

SEXUAL ABUSE: MANY FORMS BUT OFTEN DEVASTATING CONSEQUENCES.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

Sexual abuse is a term that is used for all sexual activities that someone is forced to take part in, in an inequitable situation (this means that the other is more powerful, stronger, older, or you are dependent on that person). It can consist of sexual assault, r**e, sexual molestation, (online) sexual exploitation, sexual harassment.

- Sexual assault means that you are forced to touch the sexual organs of somebody else, or that you are being sexually touched without consent. It could be that you at first agree with sexual contact, but that you change your mind. If the other person persists in sexual contact then it is sexual assault.
- R**e means the unwanted non-consensual entering (with or without force) of your body with a p***s, finger or object inside your va**na, mouth or a**s.
- We speak of sexual molestation when an adult or older child has any sexual activity with a child or minor. There is always inequality: the perpetrator makes use of the age difference or his or her power. The vast majority of the offenders are known persons of the victims. It often starts with “grooming”: to build an emotional relationship with a child or minor in order to sexually abuse them.
- Sexual exploitation happens nowadays mostly online. It’s when someone, against your will, has put your n**e pictures/videos online and threatens to send them to others. Another form is when somebody blackmails you and demands that you send your n**es to that person, or forces you to perform sexual acts with yourself in front of the we**am. It can involve grooming or cat fishing: a person presents him- or herself with a false identity in order to build a relationship.
- Sexual harassment is unwelcome sexual behaviour, for example in the workplace.

It’s important to realise that sexual abuse has often devastating consequences. It doesn’t matter if it happened once or over a longer period, or that it happened to you as a child, teenager or adult. Victims can suffer (even years after the abuse) from a variety of physical and mental complaints and traumas.

Long term physical effects can be reduced libido, er****on problems, physical complaints as a result of continuous stress like sleep problems, headaches, tense muscles, vaginismus, immune system related diseases, etc.

Because sexual abuse is a traumatic experience, the mental consequences are usually significant. Examples are post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and fear, being on edge all the time, suppressing of emotions with alcohol, drugs or work, strong feelings of shame and guilt (many victims don’t talk about their experiences), depression, social isolation, eating disorders, problems with relationships and intimacy.

A very nasty example is victim blaming, negative reactions from others like minimising the abuse, not believing or (indirectly) blaming the victim: “you could have said no”. A client of mine (who was alone at that time in her house) was chased by a worker and she managed to lock herself in the bathroom. The worker tried to break the door in and told her in filthy Sinhalese that he was going to r**e her. She managed to hold the door for fifteen minutes and finally her shouting alarmed a neighbour and the worker fled. Because “she wasn’t r**ed” everybody discarded her story, but the intense emotions she had to undergo caused her severe problems.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

DIAGNOSIS DISORDER DRAMA.By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comIn Sri Lanka, it’s q...
13/03/2026

DIAGNOSIS DISORDER DRAMA.
By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

In Sri Lanka, it’s quite common that after a first session with a counsellor/psychologist, you’ll leave the practice with a “diagnosis”. That might feel reassuring but in many cases it doesn’t say much.

And even a questionnaire “test” where you are diagnosed as for example “Borderline” might come across as accurate (it’s often given with percentages), but it’s only correlated with symptoms (whether you have several symptoms or not). These questionnaires are useless because they are based on the DSM5 and lack the layeredness and complexity of the different aspects of a mental illness.

What is wrong with this approach is that mental disorders are presented as constructs that can be measured in a similar way as medical illnesses. In the medical model there are physical symptoms that can be corroborated with scans, lab tests, blood pressure, etc. A mental illness (or “disorder”) is just a handful of arbitrary symptoms (with a huge variability!) with no biomarkers to substantiate it.

Take for example “Borderline Personality Disorder” (BPD). It’s a label without any biological/genetic causes. It's an agreement between mental health professionals that a certain number of observations (five out of nine) can be attributed to this label. But why five and not four or six out of eight or ten? Five out of nine means that you can be “Borderline” in 256 ways. And two “Borderliners” can have only one criterion in common and be completely different from the rest. Plus the criteria are very vague (how to substantiate accurately terms like chronic, frantic, inappropriate, recurrent, etc.). Two assessors can come to two completely different diagnoses.

But the main problem with the symptom approach is that it completely ignores the underlying story, which is responsible for the symptoms and explains them.

Some time ago, a young woman came to my practice. In a tense period of almost a month she had become sleep deprived because of preparations for exams at her college. At the same time she had heard that her grandmother was serious ill, which made her feel her heart racing. She had symptoms like being irritable, a racing mind, easily distracted, intensely focused and worried, Since she studied abroad, a foreign psychiatrist had diagnosed her in three minutes as bipolar (hypo-manic episode). But after having spoken with her for half an hour, the story behind the symptoms became clear and also a logical explanation for her behaviour. This was no bipolar disorder at all, but just the consequence of sleep deprivation and concern for her sick grandmother. The young woman went into therapy with me and recovered.

In the case of BPD, countless research studies have demonstrated that in more than 90% of the cases people with the label BPD have been chronically abused in their childhood. This means that there is sufficient evidence that their symptoms have been developed as a result of their traumatic history. It's much better to speak of a complex post-traumatic stress disorder than to label it with BPD. The standard treatment for BPD is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, but because this treatment only covers the present it’s totally inadequate. A comprehensive treatment like psychodynamic psychotherapy is far more suitable.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

DEPRESSION AND RELAPSE.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comAfter a period of seve...
21/02/2026

DEPRESSION AND RELAPSE.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

After a period of severe depression, clients are often relieved that they are feeling better and that they are liberated of the heavy feelings. At the same time, they are often afraid of a relapse and that fear can be quite debilitating.

Depression as described in the DSM5 is just a label for a handful of symptoms that a small group of people have decided, sitting at a conference table. This depression label and other labels are scientifically and clinically untrustworthy and there is no valid proof of biological/genetic causes.

The word depression is often used as a tag for one experience, but like many other mental conditions, it’s an umbrella term. Each depression is different, and it manifests itself with different people in different ways. For some it’s more like an intense sadness, for others a hollow emptiness. Sometimes it’s a constant stream of self-recrimination, sometimes it’s a numbness. There are depressions that are pre-dominating mentally, and there are depressions that show themselves physically: tiredness, sleeplessness, slower movement and thinking.

Depression has many possible root causes in your past. Blocking bad experiences, traumas for a long time, suppressing emotions as a habit, concealed anger towards parents or other persons, chronic feelings of guilt, experiencing a meaningless life, etc. It has nothing to do with the myth of a “chemical imbalance” in the brain.

Recovery doesn’t have one distinct form either, it’s different for everybody. A relapse doesn’t have to mean that there is a complete repetition. Very often we learn, because we have been through it before, to recognise certain signals sooner. We acquire, with trial and error, more knowledge about ourselves. About our vulnerabilities, or the kind of pressure we put on ourselves.

The positive thing about fear for a relapse, is that the fear signifies that you’re alert. Fear isn’t always bad, it’s a signal and in that sense it’s an ally. Don’t try to suppress or to ignore it, but see it as reminder that you should take good care of yourself and to listen to what wells up from inside.

We live in a culture where there is a strong emphasis on recovery. The leading narrative is that you get sick, you recover and you move on with your life. There is very little scope for the meaning behind emotions. Depression isn’t easily put into logical parts. Many people feel pressure to appear strong or to become quickly their “old self”. But recovery isn’t a straight way forward, but usually a winding, twisting path.

You’re of course not totally helpless and left at the mercy of fate. On the contrary, because you have been through depression before, you have built up knowledge about what helps and what doesn’t. You know who you can call when needed, or which activities can give relief at times. It’s important to accept that unhappy feelings are also part of life, without letting them dominate your life, because you know from experience that they will pass Try to find out who you are and what triggers you, and where these emotions might stem from in your past. By doing that, the impact of the past will diminish and you will feel more balanced.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

THE ART OF LIVING: HOW ANCIENT WISDOM CAN ENRICH YOUR LIFE.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.ma...
29/01/2026

THE ART OF LIVING: HOW ANCIENT WISDOM CAN ENRICH YOUR LIFE.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

In the Greek and Greek-Roman ethics the emphasis was on the personal choice, the moral behaviour and the relationship towards yourself and initially also towards the city-state (this changed later). When you read Plato, Socrates, Seneca and others, it’s clear that the Greeks and Romans hardly cared about the future, about what happened to them after their death, or about the existence of the Gods.

Their challenge was which “techne” (knowledge) they needed to master, in order to live their lives as best as they could. It was about to live according to specific values in order to emulate certain examples, build a reputation, and make your life meaningful. Philosophers were searching for that knowledge, the art of living, which could be used to fulfil this quest.

In classical antiquity there were many philosophical systems. Quite a few of them have found protagonists in modern times. Especially Stoicism from for example Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus is nowadays encouraged in numerous popular self-help books.

But it’s a rather pessimistic and strict philosophy, which doesn’t encourage the same joie de vivre as for example the Epicurians or even better Aristotle. The Stoics propagate the suppression of emotions and bodily desires. It encourages the practitioner to acquiesce in adverse situations, instead of an active practical involvement with everyday life with all of its fascinating challenges which need solutions. It doesn’t leave much space for hope, human intervention and it focuses on accepting human suffering.

While the Epicurians encouraged people to let go of their ambitions for power and glory and live an undisturbed existence with friendship and the simple pleasures of life, Aristotle wrote for people who were fully and enthusiastically committed to their community and who based their moral choices, healthy pleasures and happiness on their lived-through experiences according to his guidelines.

Aristotle’s ethical system is versatile, flexible, and practically applicable in our daily life. It’s not dogmatic, he states that we continuously should be open for revision of our opinions. His leitmotifs are dealing with the situation at hand, forward planning, an unrelenting focus on intentions, flexibility, practical sense, common sense, individual autonomy and the importance of consultations with others.

Aristotle states that you can DECIDE to become happier, after some time the correct behaviour will become a habit, and you will experience “eudaimonia”, his concept of happiness. It stands for an activity and not for a state of being. And it’s not about materialistic prosperity but more in the sense of happiness of the soul, achieved by an active rational mind which aspires to fulfil your potential. Also, you shouldn’t suppress your emotions, but take them into consideration for your decisions.

Regarding virtues and vices, Aristotle’s principle of the golden mean signifies that there is a right balance in between extremes. A moderate form of personal qualities is preferable. People who are risk-averse live a limited life, having strong anger issues makes you difficult in social situations, ignoring truth and refraining from expressing joy or pain makes you psychologically and emotionally stunted.

An Aristotelian thinker lives in a social community (for example family, neighbourhood, or friends), makes moral choices, thinks rationally, indulges in healthy pleasures, and cultivates happiness in himself and in others.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

CONTEXT MATTERS!By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comWith diagnosing clients, ther...
03/01/2026

CONTEXT MATTERS!
By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

With diagnosing clients, there are two ways of operating: a psychiatric or a psychological manner. The psychiatrists bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM, fifth edition), describes the classification criteria for putting psychiatric labels on patients. Psychological assessment is quite different. Psychologists are also trained to diagnose and treat mental disorders but they focus on the root causes and the whole story behind the symptoms.

For example, a client of mine had been “diagnosed” as “bipolar” because of the mood swing symptoms she spoke about. She had been prescribed heavy dosages of lithium and mood stabilisors. This, while totally ignoring the bigger picture that was there and which thoroughly explained her symptoms. A significant part of the context was peer-pressure at school and parental pressure (“95 isn’t good enough, what happened to the last 5?”). These and other factors led to low self-esteem, anxiety, sky-high expectations of herself and a constant feeling of not being good enough. Similar examples can be given with “ADHD”, “Borderline” and other “disorders”.

The DSM-5 is an arbitrary DESCRIPTIVE psychiatric classification system, in essence based upon the work of Kraepelin (1856-1926), with little diagnostic value (see for example Stijn Vanheule: Diagnosis and the DSM, a critical review). The described labels are scientifically and clinically untrustworthy (they are not reliable and not valid) and they describe symptoms with no biomarkers. Although with all DSM-5 pseudo-medical classifications (“disorders”), the underlying assumption is that they are biological or genetical (like Kraepelin had hoped to discover), there exists no medical or scientific evidence of these assumed genetic/biological causes.

In the psychological-diagnostical process it’s NOT only about one individual but also about the CONTEXT wherein this individual lives. While with the disorder-narrative the focus is on the symptoms of the individual person who has a “disorder”. Which totally disregards the social context (family, school, friends, colleagues, neighbourhood, etc.) and the individual history. These factors can play a decisive role in the development and in possible solutions of the problems.

In his book “On being normal and other disorders: a manual for clinical psychodiagnostics” the Belgium psychologist prof. Dr. Verhaeghe discusses the differences between the two diagnostic processes. One difference is that unlike with the medical diagnostic process, in the psychodiagnostical process it’s NOT about one individual but also about the environment wherein this individual lives. The diagnosis usually doesn’t come at once, but much later after more sessions and very often it will be adjusted.

Another difference is that in the medical model one works from the individual person to generalised diseases. The objective symptoms (high temperature, muscle pains, etc.) leads to the conclusion of fever (a very common condition, N=millions). Psychologists on the contrarily start with a general story and end with N=1. Mental conditions are typically very individual and are extremely difficult to generalise. The psychologist listens and gathers more subjective information in its specific context.

What works well with symptoms related to physical illnesses doesn’t necessary goes with mental illnesses. Although medication can have its benefits in certain cases, it's preferable to listen to the whole story of the client, determine the root causes of client's present issues and treat those with an effective form of individual psychotherapy that covers the present, past, emotions, cognition and behaviour.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

Address

29 Chapel Road
Pita Kotte
10250

Opening Hours

Tuesday 08:00 - 18:00
Wednesday 08:00 - 18:00
Thursday 08:00 - 18:00
Friday 08:00 - 18:00
Saturday 08:00 - 18:00

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Dr. Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD therapist posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Practice

Send a message to Dr. Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD therapist:

Shortcuts

Share

Category