25/10/2022
'Time Heals All Wounds:' Is There Any Truth to This?
If you ever thought that all you needed was a few months to get over something traumatic, trust that you are not alone. Most of us have been there and believed the same thing before. After all, the popular cliché “time heals all wounds” is used by many people for good reason.
But is it completely true? Yes, and no.
Time is certainly an important factor when it comes to healing. Although it may take away some of the pain, sorrow, or other negative emotions associated with an experience, time on its own is not a healer.
Whether you are going through a breakup, grieving the loss of a loved one, or going through something else emotionally taxing, plenty of other important factors are involved in the healing process.
In this article, you will learn why the cliché that “time heals all wounds” may not be fully true, as well as time’s true role in healing, other factors involved, and where you can focus your efforts to speed up the healing process.
Time’s Role in Healing
What is time’s actual role in healing? According to licensed psychologist and owner of the Baltimore Therapy Group Heather Z. Lyons, PhD, time essentially equates to opportunity. Therefore, how someone heals over time ultimately depends on how they decide to use that opportunity to shape their present and future circumstances.
She explains that people can use time to gain insight, healthier relationships, and an orientation toward growth. “Some people will use time as an opportunity to collect experiences that orient them toward their values and dilute or challenge difficult experiences,” she says.
For example, people can connect with friends, develop new relationships, or engage in activities they find rewarding to aid in the healing process.
Time also allows for reflection on the difficult experience in a way that promotes insight and the ability to move on.
— HEATHER Z. LYONS, PHD
She notes that this is contrasted with rumination, which is reflection that does not integrate thought and emotion.
“Rumination is usually all emotion or all thought. Healthy reflection integrates the two to help people gain new understandings,” she explains, noting that when people ruminate, they usually confirm negative beliefs about themselves or others.
For example, this may include a belief like "I knew he'd leave me, that's just the way all men are” or “I won't let my guard down next time so I don’t get hurt."
What Can Prevent Healing?
It’s possible (and highly likely) that time will not heal all wounds for several reasons. So, what can prevent someone from healing as time goes on?
The following things may prolong your healing, even though a notable amount of time has passed:
- Remaining fixated on something, like how a harsh breakup ended
- Refusing to let go of a betrayal by holding a grudge
- Denial that something has happened
- Not forgiving yourself or a person who was accountable for the wound or trauma
- Not having a solid support system or emotional outlet to express your emotions
- Resorting to unhealthy coping and/or distraction mechanisms
- Relying on drinking or taking drugs to numb pain associated with the event
- In addition to ruminating, people can use time to support the limiting beliefs that they have that keep them stuck in a cycle of negative experiences.
“[They] find themselves stuck and living in the past as though no time has elapsed after the experience of a difficult event,” says Lyons. “Of course, some experiences are so traumatic that they leave us scarred for a while, and this scarring is our brain's way of keeping us healthy,” she says.
