04/02/2026
💖💞💖 Auzubillah minashaitan arrajim
💖💞💖Bismillah ar Rahman arRahim
💖💞💖Rabbishrahli sadri
💖💞💖Wa yasirli amri
💖💞💖Wahlul uqdatan min lisaani
💖💞💖Yafqahu qawlii
Ya' Ibadullah, Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuh
A post surface online which centered on a sister lose her child to the food poision she ate from her father's food.
I'm not here to share the full story but to hint you how we arrived at this topic.
The concept of this conversation will be centered on;
✅Nature
✅Causes
✅Solution
Looking at the concept of the whole story, I arrived at this topic which summarizes it.
*The psychology of sharing in polygamy*
On this topic, I will be coming from the angle of a counselor not an adviser, hence, it's important for anyone who is married to follow me carefully with an open mind
Let's start with the first on my list
*Nature* ✨
What is the nature of human?
It's in the nature of humans not to share anything that is assumed it belongs to them. As humans we begin to learn the act of sharing from infants.
Have you ever pondered why infants don't like to share what belongs to them willingly without persuading them? This is because it's a natural thing .
We begin to teach them the act of sharing by exchanging whatever we have with them simply because we want to model them into people with good qualities.
The adage *"charity begins at home"* did not fly from heaven, it was as a result of thorough research from humans.
Let's take a look at the chapter of the Holy Quran Suran Nas from beginning to the end.
Surah An-Nas, Verse 1:
قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ
Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of men,
مَلِكِ النَّاسِ
The King of men,
إِلَٰهِ النَّاسِ
The god of men,
مِن شَرِّ الْوَسْوَاسِ الْخَنَّاسِ
From the evil of the whisperings of the slinking (Shaitan),
الَّذِي يُوَسْوِسُ فِي صُدُورِ النَّاسِ
Who whispers into the hearts of men,
Surah An-Nas, Verse 6:
مِنَ الْجِنَّةِ وَالنَّاسِ
From among the jinn and the men.
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Remember we are still on the first stage of this topic *NATURE*
My sisters, Every single human has a portion of Shayṭan attached to the flesh of the heart. (It resides in the heart) . That is why it is very important for us to constantly recite our adhkar.
This is why I call it element of destruction, because Shayṭān resides close to the human heart, whispering evil. Once there is an opportunity (bitterness, hatred, jealousy, pride, resentment), or any other negative feeling among family members Shayṭan quickly strikes with his strongest weapon: *THE WHISPER*.
That whisper may look small, but trust me if not guarded against, it grows and destroys hearts, relationships, and peace.
This is why remembrance of Allah is not optional; it is protection.
[1/27, 1:51 PM] Queenpreneur: Let me make it sound more relatable. it might whippersnappers words like;
Do it...
She doesn't like you.
He betrayed our love.
After all these years of my sacrifice in this marriage..
Her child can't be better than mine.
We are not mates and we can't be at the same level.
Why must he go to her, am I not enough.
Etc
The moment any woman starts to have these ill feelings, just know that shytan is gradually using its tools *"WHIPERS"* to strike your hearts.
There is only one solution for you to get over this situation if you ever find yourself in that state.👇🏻
You see until you strike sometimes, that's when you will feel relieved. However, know that the consequences of your striking might be minor or severe .
As a marriage counselor, I have encountered numerous cases where people most especially women allow shytan to take total charge of their state of mind.
They turn out to be rebellious because they don't know how to control these feelings whenever it comes whispering into them .
A beautiful soul became wicked.
*SOLUTION*
The moment you ever ask yourself *" how I arrived at this stage of having the mind to do things I cannot be proud of in a public space"* , just know the mercy of Allah has come to find you. Because, it takes the mercy of Allah for anyone to be able to recognize and accept the evil they're doing behind the scene without being told by anyone.
This solution has stages. This is a random solution. However, everyone with different problems, hence, you may need additional information to solve the problem. Please, see a counselor.
The moment you recognized your wrong, seek the refuge in Allah from the evil of Shayṭan .
Because you're batting with a soul that controls every human heart. It's going to affect you psychologically. You will definitely not become yourself again.
After which fast. Even if it's going to be a day. Fast and tell Allah *" YA RABB, YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN ANYONE, PLEASE HELP ME TO GET RID OF THIS HATRED OR WHATEVER IS MAKING ME TO ACT IN THIS WAY, FOR YOU'RE THE CONTROLLER OF THE HEART, TAKE CONTROL OF MY HEART , I DO NOT WANT TO BE PART OF THE EVIL DOERS.*
⚠️*I hope you have noted the steps down?*
✅Recognize your wrong
✅Talk to yourself, how did you arrive at this stage.
✅Confess to Allah, and plead him to help you overcome it( pray)
✅ Observe nawafil and pray again
✅Fast
✅Give sodaqoh
✅Read the Quran and ponder about it
✅ Do Dhkir and recite Adhkar
✅Be determined to change for better
✅Go for counseling on how to be a better person or more conscious of your emotions
✅Associate with people who will only make you do good not instigate HATRED for others.
✅Be mindful of who you discuss your affairs with.
✅Be mindful of what you listen to and the kind of environment you enjoy.
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You will see that I jumped the causes to solution
*Now to causes*
Allah says In surah Hurat verse 11
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِّن قَوْمٍ عَسَىٰ أَن يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِّنْهُمْ وَلَا نِسَاءٌ مِّن نِّسَاءٍ عَسَىٰ أَن يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِّنْهُنَّ ۖ وَلَا تَلْمِزُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْأَلْقَابِ ۖ بِئْسَ الِاسْمُ الْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ الْإِيمَانِ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَتُبْ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ
English
O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after faith. And whoever does not repent—then it is those who are the wrongdoers.
It's sadden that as Muslims of today, we are gradually diving into this path of the kufars.
Sometimes we believe that we are far from sins or we can't commit atrocity which was made as trials for another person.
We used to think we are perfect until Allah will test us with the same trial He afflicted on others that is when we will know the gravity of our words.
Someone who has been tested with such a trial, we are not supposed to add to the person's pain with our words.
Rather, we are supposed to pray for the person and pray to Allah to guard our hearts. Because when shytan begins to strike our hearts, majority of us are mostly lost with the right thing to do .
Allah says whatever good we do we will rip it and whatever evil will do,we will rip it, this is an example we live lesson we are supposed to learn from in order for us to do better.
Allah made this revealing to us so we can learn from it not to cause or judge the person.
Under no circumstances should we as believers join hands with people to talk evil about this matter especially on social media because Islam has warned us to stop from spreading evil around our society.
But when such is done, it's important for us to address it and put a stop to the comments that will fuel the matter.
Do you think any reasonable mother will wish her child to die?
That's a big trial and a forever memory for the family
Anyone who is close to the family should talk to the husband both couples should go for therapy sessions because it's going to be a tough journey except with the mercy of Allah
Societal noise and family take on the woman will be hot
Surviving such a terrible situation with people looking at you with different mindset will be hard. The husband can not control how people will react to the wife but he can control how his wife should react to people because he has the Authority to control her as she has the total submission to his order
I received the husband's message to the public in my inbox ma'am. Except it's different from what I have,you can send it to me too let me see if it's the same. Thank you.
This is why I summarize The topic as *THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SHARING IN POLYGAMY*
Subfield topic under The psychology of polygamy *HATRED FOR ONE ANOTHER IN A POLYGAMY HOME*
Hatred comes with having a psychological problem.
The moment you hate someone, it means you have a psychological problem that needs to be handled properly.
Why would you hate someone who has done nothing to you?
You can dislike an action and let your emotions out, but hating is another level .
When dislike is not addressed and treaded appropriately it migrates into hatred .
Many people who are going to babalawo and also fortunetellers as a result of jealousy and the likes , they're having psychological problems.
*They go there just for one reason.*
*What is the reason?*
To let their emotions out and want their emotional needs to be met.
Just that they followed the wrong path and the wrong channel.
The difference between going through the right channel and the wrong channel is *PEACE OF MIND*
For some, they will end up getting the results but without peace of mind
But if you follow the appropriate and right channel, you will get the results and you will have peace of mind.
As a psychologist when I see people do some things , I just wonder if they don't have anyone who is good to them.
What is obvious is that we all know the difference between good and bad. Why do we support each other on bad ideas and we claim we love each other.
We claim we love people and we don't know how to suppress their anger rather than saying things that will create more anger.
Topic 3 *SHARING* (subfield topic under The psychology of polygamy)
Remember I splited the cortex of my conversation into 3 and the number 1 on my list is nature.
Just like I mentioned earlier that It is in the nature of humans not to want to share what belongs to them.
But the we learn the act of sharing through our upbringing because our parents learnt the importance of sharing and taught it to us while we were infants . The same way we are passing the teaching to our children.
The Prophet said: *None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.*
As conscious Muslims who believe in Allah and His Prophet, we must act upon and follow the words of the Prophet.
We have to walk on his path, because it is a decree from Allah. For this reason, the words of the Qur’an guide us, touch our hearts, and persuade our emotions, so we make them a part of who we are.
This is why we train ourselves to always share with others.
We make sharing part of our actions. whether through voluntary charity or zakat.
We make it a habit to give, not just because we want to, but because the Prophet taught us that Allah says gifting breeds love.
In the same way, we encourage our infants and toddlers to share and give their things, so that generosity becomes natural to them from an early age.
So whatever thing we want our children to model into, we have to teach them from home. Not just our children, our husband children, family children or adopted children, we must learn to model good behavior and teach them from young on how to manage emotions.
Life is a trial itself, so no big deal emphasis on polygamy marriage.
Our husbands and brothers should also learn lessons from this situation that if you refuse to pay attention to the emotional needs of your wife, it might get out of hand before you realize the damage you're causing to your wife's mental health.
Pile up emotional pain and lack of attentive listening, (listen beyond what she is not saying). Women communicate their emotions through actions and lamentation. When they don't see anyone to give them to hear them out , many just make decisions without thinking twice.
Another point I want to mention is fairness among women.
Women count and note things more than you think.
Anything that will create resentment, we urge our brothers to please avoid it.
Many brothers assume that running a thriving family is just about going to madrasah and having a certificate. Do you think people with anger issues don’t attend madrasah or go for Hajj?
Theory and practical are two different things.
Many also believe they don’t need counseling because they went to madrasah. Counseling is important because it helps you understand yourself, manage anger, communicate better, and unlearn harmful patterns you may not even know you have. It creates a safe space to address emotional wounds, ego, and misunderstandings before they destroy the family.
Knowledge without self-awareness can still cause harm. Counseling does not mean you lack faith; it means you are intentional about growth.
Islam encourages seeking solutions, advice, and healing. A strong family is built not only on religious knowledge, but on emotional intelligence, fairness, accountability, and the willingness to .
n everything I have said so far, did you hear me preach *“BE PATIENT”?*
No! Because, I learnt something important from the story of the prophet. Preaching patience and making someone be self-aware using the words "Be patient" are two different things.
Did you hear me telling our sisters to be patient?
Did you know why I never mentioned patience?
Because it’s only when you’re self-aware that you can establish patience. A lesson I learn from the story of a woman and the prophet.
Take a lesson from the woman who lost her child. The Prophet( Sallalau alaihi wa'salaam), in his wisdom and mercy, wanted her to earn the reward of her pain by guiding her toward self-awareness; hence, he said, *“be patient.”*
But at that moment, she wasn’t aware of her actions. She didn’t give room for correction; rather, she allowed emotions to overpower her intelligence.
From the story of the woman, I learned that you can only establish patience when you’re self-aware by allowing correction to set into our lives.
Only then will you be able to gather the strength to be patient.
Because the patience you choose to have should be an intentional act.
And when you’re intentional about something, you do it with total willingness; then you will see the result of your patience.
The woman lost the sweetness and reward of her pain because she refused to accept correction from someone (the Prophet) who cautioned her actions so she could be self-aware.
I hope I have been able to talk to you to understand and be more self aware when dealing with dynamics of life and polygamy affairs.
Your counselor: *Islamiyat Ayanwale Olatunde*( QUEENPRENEUR)
For counseling sessions: contact me :09123497228
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu.❤️
