12/01/2026
I once dated a guy who didn't like to bathe, let alone shave his armpits.
His name was Kelvin and I met him at the gym.
He was the kind of man that made people look twice. Well built, neatly curved hair, always smiling, always polite.
The kind of sweetness that makes you feel safe almost immediately… Yes! He was a sweet talker.
When he asked if we could be friends, I did not hesitate. Anyone would have said yes.
Kelvin was a good looking man.
But friendship slowly turned into something deeper, and before I knew it, I was Kelvin’s girlfriend.
That was when my eyes opened.
That was when I realised that Kelvin wu Ezi Wawa.
Kelvin worked remotely from home, always behind his laptop, always typing, always chasing money.
At first, I admired his dedication. But admiration quickly turned into concern the first weekend I visited him.
His house was a mess.
Plates stacked where they were last used, food stains on the table, and on the T-shirt he was wearing.
Clothes scattered, the air heavy and uncomfortable. He had not bathed for days. He had not brushed. He had barely stood up from his chair.
I gently told him, “Kelvin, go and bathe first. You will feel better.”
He would fight it first before he would accept to stand up from his money making chair to go bathe.
It wasn't funny though, but it became a routine.
Every visit turned into the same struggle.
“Go and bathe, Kelvin.” “Go and brush, Kelvin.” “Please clean up a bit.”
One day, when I insisted he should bathe, he snapped. He raised his voice and shouted that I should leave him alone, that he was working, that he was not lazy, that money was more important. I stood my ground because love should not feel like babysitting.
While fixing his room that day, and he stepped out of the bathroom, I noticed something that shocked me deeply when he lifted his arms to rub cream on his body, the hair under his armpits was overgrown, thick, neglected.
It was so grown that it could be plaited into a cornrow.
I handed him a shaving stick and a lemon and said he should go back and shave, but oga changed it for me,
“You always like disturbing someone anytime you come around. Afterall why should I shave? It's not like I'm going somewhere.”
I replied to him calmly,
“You do not have to be going anywhere to be neat, atleast shave for the sake of humanity, biko.”
It was a war torso before he collected the shaving stick from me. Sincerely, I went through a whole lot. Like a whole lot, but it's well.
I blame it on love.
After encouraging him to bathe, I will enter the kitchen, wash his plates. I will cook for him so he would not skip meals. I cleaned messes that were not mine.
The annoying thing was that, if I skipped one weekend, the next visit would be worse.
Double of the mess.
Double of the exhaustion.
Double of the disappointment, and double of the cleanup.
But you know one thing when it comes to love, one person will not be a mumu forever,they might wake up someday
So I woke up after two months, I could no longer take it.
That final visit broke something in me.
I said, “Kelvin, every time I come to see you, instead of spending quality time together, I end up cleaning until I am exhausted. Why can't you take responsibility for your life?”
He looked me straight in the eye and said something I will never forget.
“Any woman I marry will take care of me.”
My heart sank.
I told him clearly, “It will never be me. Relationships are not one sided. One person cannot keep cleaning messes while the other refuses to grow.”
I was already breaking because I loved him and I wanted him to change. But instead of listening, Kelvin turned back to his laptop and said,
“If you cannot accept me the way I am, then I do not think this relationship can continue.”
I begged him. “Please do not do this.”
He insisted. “True love accepts people the way they are.”
That was when I knew.
Love does not mean tolerating irresponsibility.
Love does not mean carrying someone who refuses to carry themselves.
I picked up my bag to leave. As I walked away, his voice followed me.
“If you love me, you will accept me the way I am.”
I left his house that night and cried for over an hour. Not because I did not love him, but because loving him meant losing myself.
He never called. Not for one week. Not for two.
I blocked him and moved on.
Three months later, I met Richard. A man who understood effort, responsibility, and growth. A man who showed me that love can be peaceful.
Then one day at the mall, guess who I ran into?
I ran into Kelvin.
The moment he saw me, he broke down. He cried openly, apologizing, saying he had lost a good woman because of his pride. He promised change. He begged me to come back.
But it was too late.
As he held my hands and pleaded, Richard stepped forward, took my hand gently, and we walked away.
Kelvin stood there crying, holding regret instead of love.
And I learned something that day.
Love is beautiful, but love without responsibility is a burden. Pride can cost you the best thing that ever happened to you.
No relationship survives when one person refuses to grow. Marriage demands accountability. Partnership demands effort.
Do not expect someone to accept everything about you while you refuse to adjust anything about yourself.
True love is not “accept me as I am” when you refuse to be better.
True love is “I love you enough to grow.”
