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Hafcom psychological solutions, Ibadan, University of Ibadan (2026)

24/08/2026

The Psychology of Correction: Don’t Let One Moment Define You

Yesterday, I made a post about the viral video involving Tony Elumelu and a young lady, titled:

“The Psychology of Correction: Correct the Behaviour, Don’t Destroy the Person.”

Today, I want to dedicate this post specifically to the young lady and her psychological wellbeing.

I also discovered that another trainee, Deborah Etim Moses, spoke during the same programme and received encouragement and a recommendation from the Chairman. I celebrated Deborah because her preparation, courage and initiative deserve recognition.

But I want to make something very clear:

Deborah's success does not make this young lady a failure.

They are two different people, with two different moments and two different experiences.

However, psychologically, when we see someone having a successful moment while we are remembering our own embarrassing experience, it can be very easy to start comparing ourselves.

We may begin to think:

“Why did her moment go that way and mine went differently?”

“What will people remember about me?”

“Have I ruined my opportunity?”

This is where social comparison and discounting the positive can become important.

When we are embarrassed, we may focus so much on the negative experience that we forget our strengths, abilities and other things we have done well.

So, to the young lady, my message is simple:

Please don't let one moment define you.

You may have made a mistake in how you addressed someone. You were corrected. Learn from it.

But you are not your mistake.

And to those criticising her online, please remember that correction does not require insults, attacks on her personality, her upbringing or her parents.

You can correct someone without humiliating them.

You can disagree with someone's behaviour without making them feel worthless.

As a Clinical Psychologist, I am concerned about the psychological effect of repeated negative criticism and public shaming, particularly when someone is already embarrassed. It can contribute to shame, emotional distress, withdrawal and loss of confidence.

I say this from personal experience. I have experienced public correction myself, and there was a time when it almost affected my confidence.

That experience taught me something important:

The way we correct someone can either build them or make them afraid to speak again.

So, to her parents, family, friends and colleagues: please be a source of support, not additional pressure.

Encourage her. Let her learn. Remind her of her strengths. Help her move forward.

And to everyone watching:

We can celebrate Deborah without making this young lady feel like a failure.

Someone else's success does not have to become evidence of your failure.

Correct the behaviour. Teach the lesson. Set the boundary. But don't destroy the person.

Because the goal of correction should be growth, not humiliation.

Abdulhakeem Adedoja, M.Sc.
Clinical Psychologist | Digital Strategist

24/08/2026

‎From Punishment to Prevention: What Nigeria’s Move to Decriminalise Attempted Su***de Means for Mental Health
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‎A few months ago, I had the privilege of contributing to the ongoing conversation on su***de prevention in Nigeria through a presentation titled “Su***de Prevention in Nigeria: Theoretical Framework, Misconceptions and Legal Reforms.”
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‎Today, the Federal Executive Council’s approval of a proposed amendment to decriminalise attempted su***de makes that conversation even more relevant.
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‎This development is part of a broader and longstanding effort by mental-health professionals, advocates, civil-society organisations and other stakeholders to rethink how society and the legal system respond to suicidal behaviour.
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‎As a Clinical Psychologist, I believe this development should be viewed not only as a legal reform, but also as a psychological and public-health intervention.
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‎For a long time, the question surrounding someone who survives a su***de attempt has often been:
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‎“What offence has this person committed?”
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‎Perhaps we should increasingly ask:
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‎“What psychological pain brought this person to the point where death appeared to be an option?”
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‎That shift in question is important.
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‎A person who attempts su***de may be experiencing severe emotional distress, hopelessness, depression, trauma, substance-related problems, interpersonal difficulties or other psychological and social challenges. Punishing the person does not necessarily address the factors that brought them to the crisis.
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‎This does not mean that su***de should be normalised or encouraged.
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‎It means that a su***de attempt should be an opportunity for intervention, assessment, treatment and prevention, not simply punishment.
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‎Decriminalisation can potentially reduce one important barrier to help-seeking. If someone experiencing suicidal distress believes that disclosure could lead to arrest or prosecution, they may hide their thoughts or avoid seeking help.
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‎But we must also understand that decriminalisation is not the same thing as su***de prevention.
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‎Changing the law is an important step. What happens afterwards is equally important.
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‎Nigeria still needs:
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‎• Accessible and affordable mental-health services
‎• Trained professionals who can properly assess su***de risk
‎• Appropriate psychological and psychiatric interventions
‎• Effective follow-up after su***de attempts
‎• Family and community support
‎• Responsible media reporting
‎• Su***de-prevention programmes in schools and communities
‎• Stronger systems for early identification of people experiencing psychological distress
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‎This is also where the role of Clinical Psychologists becomes particularly important.
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‎Our responsibility is not simply to respond when someone has already attempted su***de. We also have a role in early identification, psychological assessment, risk formulation, intervention, prevention, family support, research and advocacy.
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‎One lesson from my earlier presentation remains particularly relevant:
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‎Su***de prevention requires more than telling people not to die.
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‎We must understand the psychological, social, environmental and systemic factors that can make life feel unbearable for some people and intervene early.
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‎So, as Nigeria considers this proposed legal reform, I see an opportunity to move from a predominantly punitive response towards a more humane, preventive and treatment-oriented approach.
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‎The ultimate question should not only be:
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‎“Have we decriminalised attempted su***de?”
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‎It should be:
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‎“Have we created a system where a person experiencing suicidal distress can ask for help without fear, receive appropriate care, survive the crisis and have a genuine opportunity to recover?”
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‎That, in my view, is where law, psychology and su***de prevention must meet.
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‎As a Clinical Psychologist, I welcome the direction of this proposed reform while recognising that legal change must be accompanied by accessible mental-health services and evidence-based su***de-prevention strategies if we are to achieve meaningful reductions in su***de and su***de attempts in Nigeria.
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‎Abdulhakeem Alao Adedoja, M.Sc.
‎Clinical Psychologist
‎

23/08/2026

Preparation Meets Opportunity: When Courage Creates a Moment

‎This morning, I discovered something I didn't know when I made my post yesterday about the viral Tony Elumelu incident.

‎Another trainee, Deborah Etim Moses, also had the opportunity to speak during the same programme.

‎I came across her reflection about that moment, and one thing immediately stood out to me:

‎She had been preparing for that moment for years.
‎She wrote about identifying a problem during her GMAP OJT, suggesting a solution, and having the courage to speak up. Her idea was appreciated, and she received encouragement and a recommendation from the Chairman.

‎Deborah, this is worth celebrating. 👏

‎Your story is a beautiful reminder that preparation matters, initiative matters, and courage to speak up matters.

‎Sometimes, the opportunity we have been waiting for comes, and what makes the difference is whether we are prepared to use it.

‎I also want to say this as a psychologist:
‎Please don't measure your success only by the recognition you receive in one particular moment.

‎Someone can receive a recommendation today. Someone else may have a different experience. That does not automatically make one person better or the other a failure.
‎Every person's journey is different.

‎So, Deborah, congratulations once again. May this recommendation open even greater doors for you.

‎And to every young person reading this:

‎Prepare yourself. Develop your ideas. Speak up when you have something valuable to contribute. Your voice can create impact.
‎Interestingly, I only discovered Deborah's story this morning. And it has made me think about another important psychological dimension of yesterday's viral incident.

‎Tomorrow, I will dedicate another post specifically to the young lady at the centre of that video not to compare her with Deborah, but to discuss what can happen psychologically when we begin comparing our difficult moments with someone else's successful moment.

‎Because sometimes, the person who needs compassion most is the person we are all talking about.

‎Abdulhakeem Adedoja, M.Sc.
‎Clinical Psychologist | Digital Strategist
‎

22/08/2026

The Psychology of Correction: Correct the Behaviour, Don’t Destroy the Person

You may have seen the viral video involving Tony Elumelu and a young lady.

Before we judge her, let me ask you:

Have you ever been publicly corrected? How did it affect your confidence? Did you still feel the same boldness and energy you had before the correction?

From a psychological perspective, this situation teaches us about social awareness, respect, boundaries, correction and compassion.

Social awareness matters. We need to understand that the way we speak to our friends may not be appropriate in every setting, especially when addressing someone in a position of authority.

Respect and boundaries matter too. The chairman had the right to communicate how he preferred to be addressed, and the young lady can learn from the experience. Correction can be an important part of learning and growth.

But here is where I want us to be careful:

Correction should not become humiliation.

If you want to correct her, correct the behaviour. Don't attack her personality, intelligence, upbringing or parents. Unfortunately, when something becomes viral, people sometimes forget that there is a real human being behind the screen.

Negative criticism, insults and repeated public shaming can have psychological consequences. Depending on the person and their circumstances, they may experience shame, emotional distress, withdrawal, loss of confidence, fear of making mistakes or reluctance to express themselves.

I say this from personal experience. I have experienced public correction myself, and there was a time when it almost affected my confidence. It made me realise that the way we correct someone can either build confidence or make someone afraid to speak and express themselves.

This is also why we need to be careful when someone is already facing intense public criticism.

Take the recent case of Professor Jason Arday, who was 41 when he died. He had been facing intense public scrutiny surrounding allegations about his academic work. He denied plagiarism, and an earlier investigation by the university that awarded his PhD did not uphold the plagiarism allegations.

I am not saying the controversy caused his death. We simply cannot make that conclusion.

But his story reminds us of something important:

Behind every public controversy is a human being.

We can hold people accountable.
We can correct mistakes.
We can demand responsibility.

But we should be careful not to turn correction into public destruction, insults or dehumanisation.

So, concerning this young lady, my advice is simple:

Learn from the experience, but don't allow this one moment to define your confidence or your progress in life.

To her parents, family and colleagues: this may be a time to show her more love and support, not become another source of pressure. Let the people around her provide the kind of social support that helps her learn, recover from embarrassment and continue moving forward.

We don't know what someone is carrying emotionally.

Correct the behaviour. Teach the lesson. Set the boundary. But don't destroy the person.

Because the goal of correction should be growth, not humiliation.

What do you think? Can we correct people without destroying their confidence?

If this message resonates with you, please share it. You never know who may need this reminder today.

Correct the behaviour. Teach the lesson. Set the boundary. But don't destroy the person.

Abdulhakeem Adedoja, M.Sc.
Clinical Psychologist | Digital Strategist

17/08/2026

‎I Followed My Father’s Advice… Until This Happened at University Press PLC
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‎By Abdulhakeem Alao Adedoja, M.Sc.
‎Clinical Psychologist | Founder, Hafcom Psychological Solutions
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‎Growing up, my father, Chief L.M. Adedoja, taught me something I have never forgotten.
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‎He would say:
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‎“Whenever somebody gives you something, say thank you. Then tell me about it so that I can also thank the person or tell somebody else to help you appreciate the person.”
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‎To my father, gratitude was not just about saying “thank you.” It was about recognising the goodness of people and making sure those who do good are appreciated.
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‎I carried that lesson with me into adulthood.
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‎Then I got to University Press PLC, and one experience made me look at that lesson differently.
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‎One of the accountants gave me some money in appreciation for something I had done for her. Remembering my father's teaching, I reported it to one of the older women I regarded as a mother figure in the workplace, thinking she would help me appreciate the accountant.
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‎But something unexpected happened.
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‎Instead of helping me thank the woman, the mother figure asked the accountant for her own share of the money after thinking her.
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‎The accountant became furious.
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‎And from that moment until I left the company, she never gave me anything again.
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‎That experience stayed with me.
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‎It taught me a psychological lesson.
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‎Sometimes, a good intention can produce an unintended consequence.
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‎My father had taught me gratitude, but my experience taught me something else: boundaries, discretion and the importance of knowing what information should be shared and with whom.
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‎So, I modified my father's lesson.
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‎Today, when someone gives me something, I simply say:
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‎“Thank you. I truly appreciate you.”
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‎I don't necessarily tell someone else about it anymore.
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‎Not because I stopped believing in gratitude.
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‎Rather, I learned that gratitude does not always require disclosure.
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‎Perhaps that is one of the ways we grow psychologically.
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‎We don't always abandon the lessons our parents taught us. Sometimes, life teaches us how to apply those lessons more wisely.
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‎Chief L.M. Adedoja taught me to appreciate people.
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‎University Press PLC taught me that even good intentions need wisdom and discretion.
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‎Now I want to hear from you:
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‎If you were in my position, would you have continued following my father's original advice, or would you also have modified it after that experience?
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‎And have you ever shared something with someone with good intentions, only for it to produce an outcome you never expected?
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‎Tell me your experience in the comments. I genuinely want to learn from you.
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‎Follow this page because I’ll be sharing more real life experiences and the psychological lessons hidden inside them.
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‎

16/08/2026

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF RECIPROCITY: YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE YOUR GOODWILL WILL LEAD
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‎By Abdulhakeem Alao Adedoja, M.Sc.
‎Clinical Psychologist | Founder, Hafcom Psychological Solutions
‎
‎
‎Some of life's greatest psychological lessons are not learned in classrooms. They are learned through people, relationships and unexpected experiences.
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‎Years ago, I worked at University Press PLC, Jericho, Ibadan, as a Sales Canvasser.
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‎I was attached to a Sales Representative covering Ibadan South-West. Because of my aggressive grassroots marketing skills, he trusted me with some schools to manage independently. I began getting good orders from some major schools, and my efforts became noticed by the marketing management.
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‎But where did those skills come from?
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‎Partly from home.
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‎I grew up watching my father, Chief L. M. Adedoja, engage in grassroots marketing within our neighbourhood. Without knowing the psychology behind it, I was learning through observation and modelling.
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‎Then my supervisor was dismissed from the company.
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‎Some money was still outstanding from schools where books had been supplied under a sales-or-return arrangement. The company assessed the outstanding amount and deducted it from his final entitlement, expecting him to recover the money from the schools.
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‎While I was still working with University Press, the Deputy Marketing Manager instructed me to visit those schools, recover the outstanding money and return it to the company. I was also told that performing well could strengthen my chances of becoming a substantive Sales Representative.
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‎Yet I continued assisting my former supervisor.
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‎Recovering the money was not easy. Some schools kept postponing payment. Eventually, my former supervisor brought his wife to my house, and together we visited some of the schools. We recovered part of the money.
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‎Then life took us in different directions.
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‎I left University Press and gained admission to study Psychology at the University of Ibadan.
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‎Years later, my graduation was delayed because two courses I had passed were missing from my academic records.
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‎During one of my visits to the Examinations and Records office, I suddenly saw someone familiar.
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‎It was my former supervisor's wife.
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‎She recognised me and, surprisingly, helped me with the problem affecting my academic records.
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‎Eventually, the matter was resolved, and I graduated that year.
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‎Looking back as a psychologist, I see this experience differently.
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‎I cannot say that she helped me because of what happened years earlier. I do not know her motivation.
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‎But the experience made me reflect deeply on reciprocity, trust, loyalty, social learning and human connection.
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‎Sometimes, the people we meet in one chapter of our lives unexpectedly appear in another.
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‎This does not mean that every good deed will be rewarded.
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‎It does not mean we should help people only because we expect something in return.
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‎Rather, it reminds us that our actions become part of the social world around us.
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‎We may never know the full impact of how we treat people.
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‎So:
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‎Build genuine relationships.
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‎Treat people with dignity.
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‎Help when you can.
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‎Do good without turning every good deed into a debt.
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‎Because you never really know where your goodwill will lead.
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‎Have you ever experienced a situation where someone from your past unexpectedly became important in your present?
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22/07/2026

The Psychology of Justice – Why Accountability Matters After Trauma

‎Justice and healing are not the same, but both are important.
Accountability through due process can help restore hope, while psychological support helps survivors rebuild their lives.

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21/07/2026

Honouring Sacrifice: The Psychology of Compassion in Times of Tragedy

‎We commend the leadership of the Nigerian Senate for their compassionate support to the families of those who lost their lives during the Oriire abduction.

‎May this gesture inspire others to support the survivors and bereaved families, because together, compassion fosters healing, resilience, and hope.

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21/07/2026

The Psychology of Collective Trauma – No Survivor Should Be Forgotten

‎Trauma affects individuals, families, and communities. Every survivor deserves recognition, compassion, and access to the support needed for recovery.

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26/04/2026

Grateful to have attended the 2026 Su***de Research Symposium.
A key lesson: su***de prevention must be culturally sensitive to be truly effective.
More work ahead, especially in our local communities.

Hafcom psychological solutions

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