Βehaviourbuilders.com

10/10/2022

Say it louder. 👏👏👏

https://www.iloveaba.com/2016/02/calm-compliant.html?m=1

06/06/2022

This is what it means for you, and also for your clients.

My “best” today may not look like my “best” from last week, or tomorrow. Humans aren’t machines.

Sometimes the “best” the client can do is give 75%. And that’s OK

13/04/2022

Science keeps telling us to our children. It's interesting how many scientists are now focusing on the thinking that happens not in your but in your . You have spread through your innards, and there's increasing attention on the vagus nerve, which emerges from the brain stem and wanders across the heart, lungs, kidney and gut.

The nerve is one of the pathways through which the body and brain talk to each other in an unconscious conversation. Much of this conversation is about how we are relating to others. Human thinking is not primarily about individual calculation, but about social engagement and .

Stephen Porges is well-known for his “Polyvagal Theory,” which focuses on how the concept of is fundamental to our mental state. Porges tells us that those who have experienced have bodies that are highly reactive to perceived threat. They don't like public places with loud noises. They live in fight-or-flight mode, stressed and anxious. Or, if they feel trapped and constrained, they go numb. Their voice and tone go flat.

Physical reactions shape our way of seeing and being. When we're really young we know few emotion concepts. Young children say, “I hate you!” when they mean “I don't like this” because they haven't learned their culture's concepts for hatred vs. badness. But as we get older we learn more emotional granularity. The emotionally wise person can create distinct experiences of disappointment, anger, spite, resentment, grouchiness and aggravation, whereas for a less emotionally wise person those are all synonyms for “I feel bad.” A wise person may know the foreign words that express emotions we can't name in English: tocka (Russian, roughly, for spiritual anguish) or litost (Czech, roughly, for misery combined with the hunger for revenge). People with high emotional granularity respond flexibly to life, have better mental health outcomes and drink less.

Cuddles help develop emotional granularity. If bodily reactions can drive people apart they can also heal. Martha Welch of Columbia University points to the importance of loving physical touch to lay down markers of .

Under the old brain-only paradigm, we told people to self-regulate their emotions through conscious self-talk. But real emotional help comes through co-regulation. When a caregiver and a child physically hold each other, their bodily autonomic states harmonise, connecting on a level. Together they move from separate distress to mutual calm.

When we step back and see the brain and body thinking together, the old distinction between reason and emotion doesn't seem to make sense. Our very perceptions of the world are shaped by the predictions our brains are making about our physical autonomic states. And we can also see how important it is to teach emotional granularity, starting from birth.

https://cstu.io/853e81

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13/04/2022

23/03/2022

Teaching them about spending and saving is good, but our lessons need to go beyond that, says financial planner Ellen Rogin.

12/03/2022

Parenting is about the parents we want to become and the children we once were as much as it is about our children.

My goal is to grow myself up so that:

ꕥ practice “calming myself down” (stay connected to myself when I’m overwhelmed) AND help you learn how to calm yourself down. (Stay connected to yourself during overwhelm)
ꕥ feel proud of myself AND help you to feel proud of yourself.
ꕥ regulate my own emotions AND coregulate with you until you can do the same for yourself and others.
ꕥ govern my own behavior and help you govern your own .
ꕥ help you feel safe and show you that even when you feel scared you are brave too.

♾ Rest in me. Grow in Us. ♾

Musings from a recovering codependent parent,
Lelia

🔗for Coaching & Empowered (Self) Parenting Conversations ꕥ
https://linktr.ee/leliaschott ꕥ

22/02/2022

Types of rest

Anyone else wondering why they’re always so tired?? I think that is SUPES normal at the moment. We keep minimizing the insanity of our current reality.

But, we also tend to only focus on one kind of rest. Just taking your PTO or calling in sick instead of “powering through” isn’t enough. We need varied kinds of rest, depending on individual preferences and individual stressors.

For example, I know many BCBAs who can’t enjoy their days off because they just perseverate on all the work that will be waiting on their desk when they return. Obviously, that’s not rest at ALL.

15/02/2022

You are enough.

30/12/2021

16/12/2021

Gratitude

What exactly is gratitude and how can we experience more of it in our daily lives?

Gratitude is the act of recognizing and acknowledging the good things that happen, resulting in a state of appreciation (Sansone & Sansone, 2010).

Often when we consider what we are grateful for, overt and profound life experiences, circumstances and events come to mind. We may feel grateful for our upbringing and family, our job, good health, and the opportunity to gain an education. While recognizing and being grateful for these experiences is important, our gratitude practice must also venture below the surface.

Below the surface, we find all the simple, everyday pleasures that often go unnoticed. This may be the great book we had time to read, the laugh we had with a friend, or maybe even the joy of eating chocolate ice cream in the sunshine. Whatever these simple pleasures may be, consciously expressing our gratitude for them can really help us grow our gratitude practice beyond the surface level.

With this post, we invite you to consider the full iceberg of gratitude; your fortunate life experiences as well as the simple pleasures of every day.

In what ways do you practice gratitude?