Kirsty Marie Energy

04/06/2026

Do you have a hypervigilant baby? ⚠️

When my babes were small, they startled SO easily and dramatically, right from birth… you know, that reflex where babies suddenly fling their arms out, giving themselves a fright?

Sometimes they’ll go right back to sleep, but often (always in the case of my boys) they’ll start to cry. Sleep time over 😭.

This response, is of course, the reason babies are sometimes swaddled to keep them sleeping longer without startling themselves, but if it’s a natural reflex, why does it need to be suppressed? And why does the response seem so much stronger in some babies?

This is an example of a primitive reflex and it’s an important stage in development. Although the response I mentioned is often referred to as the startle reflex 📢, technically it’s the Moro reflex. This reflex is triggered in response to the sensation of falling (which is way it can be so hard to set down a sleeping baby although they may be happy sleeping in arms) or sudden stimuli like a loud noise.

❓ What are Primitive Reflexes and Why do they Matter?

Primitive reflexes are involuntary patterns of movement that are controlled by the brainstem. In a newborn baby, these reflexes allow for the fundamentals of survival… the instincts involved in birth, breastfeeding, responding to stimuli etc. Each reflex is important and acts as a building block in development.

In a typical developmental progression, these reflexes begin to ‘integrate’ as the baby practices them and gradually transitions to more consciously aware movement patterns. Although these reflexes don’t ‘disappear’ they cease to be in the driver’s seat so to speak.

❌ When these reflexes are ‘retained’ (remain active) there are a raft of possible consequences affecting our learning processes, sensory perception and emotional responses.

Possible reasons for retention of primitive reflexes include emotional stress, chronic illness and pregnancy or birthing complications. There isn’t always an obvious reason and retained reflexes are not usually a sign of ‘bad parenting’.

Interestingly many behaviours and sensory challenges commonly associated with retained reflexes like the Moro are also associated with ADHD and autism. Think hyperactivity, fidgeting, hypersensitivity to light, sound or touch, volatile emotional responses, challenges with focus, fine and/or gross motor control………………

🧠 So what’s going on? Are the symptoms of autism/ADHD a result of retained reflexes or are neurodivergent kids more inclined to retain reflexes due to pre-existing differences like more sensitive nervous systems? It’s a bit of a chicken and egg scenario and, of course, will vary from individual to individual along with a whole host of other factors. In a practical sense it makes sense to try working with the reflexes and see whether there are beneficial changes! The great news is that suboptimal integration can be addressed at any age!

🌼 Integration of primitive reflexes can be addressed as part of kinesiology sessions along with simple exercises that can be done at home. Contact me to find out more! www.kirstymariedenny.com

02/06/2026

When you receive the most beautiful testimonial from an amazing woman who has powerfully transformed her life and is helping others do the same....

Lou had already done 'the work' but support with some subconscious blocks and conditioning helped take her to the next level... we can all benefit from the perspective and assistance of others sometimes to help potentiate our own inner healing. See less

29/05/2026

Elimination Communication (EC):What is that?

Only another thing that I failed at as an attachment parent haha (see previous posts for my growing checklist).

This came onto my radar a couple of years before I had my first baby when travelling in South America. We spent some time with indigenous families still living predominantly in the Amazon, and watching their little ones crystallised something that had been a passing thought previously… surely most people living in traditional ways weren’t always washing nappies?! 🌱

I looked into this a little more upon returning home, and, once expecting, added it to my slightly obsessive research agenda. Well, it completely made sense to me.. as a way of being in tune with baby’s cues and needs, and as a bonus, to save on nappies and protect my baby’s skin.

I bought a potty, I made sure I had easy on/off clothing and nappies for my winter babe. Prepared!

This turned out to be just one more thing that didn’t go to plan! My baby had trouble latching, so initially all my focus was on ‘fixing’ this issue and of course, making sure my baby was well nourished. EC would have to wait a little bit.

🚽 EC relies on noticing subtle cues..often a baby beginning to wiggle or fuss a bit at the breast, or when in the sling. If you’ve read previous posts, you’ll know that breastfeeding and babywearing are both in my list of fails, presenting a bit of a stumbling block! If my baby was latching for more than a few seconds, or miraculously sleeping/not screaming, there was no way I was going to disturb him for a potty break.

In addition to being extremely unsettled most of the time, my little one had very frequent, explosive bowel movements. Initially, not only did I fail at EC, but also at using cloth nappies, as all the ones I had were too big, and as soon as we did get one on amid screaming and thrashing it would be immediately soiled. Pretty soon, my poor babe had a terrible nappy rash to add to his woes. Epic. Fail. 😭

💭 My main reason for wanting to EC was to honour my baby’s needs and communication.. EC experts suggest that babies don’t like nappies until we train them to, and that we lose an opportunity to attune to our babies if we ignore their toileting cues. I can certainly see the wisdom in this. But my situation was different, I needed to adapt. Was I really less in tune with my baby?

Let’s look at the evidence: I knew when he was going to wake even before he started to wiggle and grunt, I knew my baby’s reflux, gut and feeding issues weren’t ‘just a bit of colic’ and ‘nothing to worry about’. I also knew he had a tongue tie despite being assured by multiple professionals that he did not. I was a relentless advocate for my baby despite being a recovering people pleaser who would sit down and shut up rather than risk any conflict… my baby helped me find my voice.

When I was in hospital with my boy at just a few weeks old getting him checked out after a night of projectile vomiting, a nurse saw me carrying him down the hallway and said “he knows who his mummy is doesn’t he?” I remember thinking what a strange thing that was to say.. of course he knew his mummy! 🤰

By the way, if you do feel a bit disconnected from your baby due to any number of factors – traumatic birth, NICU or SCBU stays, post-natal depression, it’s my belief that it’s never too late to build this bond, as well as your intuitive connection with your baby, and to healthily process any trauma. One of the wonderful things about being human is that we don’t rely purely on biological instinct, we are conscious beings and we CHOOSE love and connection.

I did have a little success with pottying in the small window in between starting solids (firmer stools) and my boy becoming extremely mobile (no time to potty!). 👣

I also switched to cloth nappies, but not the ones I originally planned… I needed the ones that were the easiest to put on a rapidly moving child haha. Expectations smashed, over and over, what a ride!

On this note, neurodivergence can have a significant influence on toileting, intersecting with factors like gut health and allergies. If your baby is constantly on the go… it may be harder, if they have little internal body (interoceptive) awareness of the need to toilet, it may take much longer. If they are resistant to the demand of toileting or nappy changes or have sensory issues around it, patience is likely to be required!

The gift and the challenge, is to meet your unique child where they are, over and over, and, just as importantly to meet yourself in the emotions, beliefs and comparisons that present themselves to be seen and compassionately met.

If you’d like some support with your child, processing the reality of your parenting experience, or you suspect neurodivergence 🧠 may be a factor, check out my website www.kirstymariedenny.com

21/05/2026

Baby Wearing. 👶🏼

Babies love it, right?! Even the most unsettled baby will snuggle down as if back in the womb.🤰

We-ell, most love it!

In my previous two posts, I talked about how the reality of early motherhood was poles apart from my cozy expectations. This really shook my confidence, starting with the grief of breastfeeding being near impossible.

Well, at least I could wear my baby for that closeness and bonding…right? Wrong again.

I had purchased beautiful organic baby slings as part of my vision of motherhood. My firstborn hated them. All of them. Trying to get him in there was like some kind of Olympic sport where both of us ended up sweating profusely and crying. If he did fall asleep in there for a few short minutes, he’d wake up again screaming and straining against the fabric. 🐙

So, what was going on? My baby did have a lot of body tension initially, probably related to his tongue tie, so it may have been physically uncomfortable for him. However, as he grew and developed it became clear that his temperament was a major factor.

Babies have preferences, they’re not all the same.

This was a baby who loved to be in motion…all the time! . 🏃‍♂️‍➡️🏃‍♂️‍➡️ When he was upset, he didn’t respond to gentle cuddles, he responded to bouncing, or lying on his playmat and smashing his favourite toy (not sure what that parrot did to him). After the early newborn stage, he loved car rides and buggy rides…so long as we were moving fast!

He needed that vestibular input, but didn’t like to feel restrained. Occasionally, as he got older, I would pop him in a carrier to whip around some shops that weren’t buggy or trolley friendly or go on a short nature walk… but he’d be wiggling the whole time and I had to be moving FAST!🏍️

My poor husband bore the brunt of this carrier hate once, wearing our boy on his back for a short walk to a beautiful waterfall. After all, we were moving briskly and there was lots to look at. The walk there was fine, but apparently by the walk back he’d had enough and alerted Dad by biting him hard enough to draw blood! 😬

This child was obviously on a mission to smash my expectations. He’s still in near constant motion in the most delightful way and very affectionate. He does have an ADHD diagnosis, and all of his quirks are part of his expansive charisma. 👣

My second born loved to be worn (thank goodness after all that $ I spent on slings) and was constantly glued to my body. What a blessing given I had a super-fast toddler to chase around! He still loves cozy little spaces and requests ‘bat huggles’ where I wrap him in my cardi. 🦇

Early motherhood is such an emotional time, and it’s easy to compare your experience to that of others as well as your own vision of how it would be. Remember that babies do, of course, have different temperaments and different neurology and the things that ‘all babies love’ are really only the things that most babies love.

Allow yourself to adapt, and remember that if things look a little different for you, if your baby is high intensity or high needs, you aren’t getting it wrong, you’re simply meeting those needs the best way you can. 💜

If you’d like some support with your high intensity child or suspect neurodivergence 🧠 may be a factor, check out my website www.kirstymariedenny.com

14/05/2026

This was my version of a ‘brelfie’ for breastfeeding awareness in 2016. This was my second baby with feeding issues and I was working on releasing my pain around this, but I still had a long way to go. (Yes, the baby in question was asleep on my back while I pumped as he was a never-put-me-down boy)

In my last post I talked a little about the tyranny of expectations vs reality when it comes to the parenting journey and how I had a laundry list of things I ‘failed’ at when reality didn’t match my vision.

🤕 Breastfeeding was by far the most painful failure for me. It elicited the type of grief that is a gaping wound with jagged edges… but that isn’t always acknowledged because, well, nobody died.

Breastfeeding was a huge part of my dream of parenting. I knew how much it supported the mother/baby bond, how incredible the health benefits are, and I planned to feed for as long as my babies wanted, to bedshare and feed through the night, to be able to soothe my babes at will by offering milk. 🤱🏼

✂️ Cut to reality
Both my boys had serious feeding difficulties involving tongue ties, torticollis, laryngomalacia and reflux, and even with doing all the right things and getting ties revised it just didn’t really get easier.

I was fortunate to have a lot of milk so both received breastmilk for 2 years, some through breastfeeding directly as well as other methods but it certainly didn’t look anything like my vision.

It was difficult, stressful and painful for the duration and I think most painfully, came with that intense (not logical) feeling of failure and grief. I sort of had to psych myself up for every feed, contort myself into some seriously interesting positions, all whilst trying to remain relaxed (yeah right). 😱

I had a love/hate relationship with the breastpump. I still have a small visceral reaction to the sound of a breastpump or a tongue tied baby crying (it’s a specific cry, iykyk). 😭

I learned a lot.. I helped friends with breastfeeding issues, I even genuinely considered becoming a lactation consultant because I did so much research and knew so much! My second baby completely rejected the breast around 8 months and so I ended up exclusively pumping. Bottle feeding was much more relaxed for both he and I but still my heart was broken. I was able to donate expressed milk to other Mamas in need which assuaged my grief a little, but still my heart was broken. 💔

Of course one of the biggest learnings was around my own feeling of not being good enough, wanting to get everything perfect for my kids.

Breastfeeding is natural and it’s natural to want to have that bond with your babies. If you’re struggling, I see you, and the advice I would give to my postpartum self would be to get more support with processing the stress and grief. I did have a little bit of counselling, but frankly I was more focused on fixing and coping at the time. With the schedule of pumping, sterilising, trying to feed, trying to settle and hoping that the next day would be the day it magically got better… there wasn’t much room for feeling my feelings in a healthy way. ❤️‍🩹

Additionally, if you’re supporting a mum with feeding issues, help her to create space for intentionally having relaxed bonding time with baby in OTHER ways, because when you’re doing things like triple feeding, pumping or tube feeding it can really become all consuming. 🍼

If you’d like some personalised, truly holistic support with breastfeeding or birth grief or trauma (or any of the other stressors parenting presents us with) check out my offerings at https://kirstymariedenny.com/ or simply flick me a message.

08/05/2026

Are you a perfectionist parent? Do you feel like you’re failing? ❌

I thought I’d do a whole series on the ways I failed at attachment parenting (obviously designed to to uplift and inspire haha). And I will. But this is the preamble about the tyranny of expectations vs. reality. The tyranny of expectations can present in an infinite number of ways, but for me it was around not being able to live up to my vision of being the perfect attachment parent. 👶🏼

I never thought of myself as a perfectionist and most people who know me probably wouldn’t either- I don’t fit the type A personality box – I’m messy and a bit haphazard, often running late. Having said that, when it comes to things I decide really matter I can have impossibly high standards for myself. And parenting… it matters.

🌱 I just really wanted to get things ‘right’ for my babies you know. For them to feel safe and loved, to be able to grow and learn according to nature’s plan and to be free from toxic exposures.

I had a subscription to The Natural Parent Magazine before my first son was born, I researched gentle parenting, I had my whole philosophy sorted. I had cloth nappies and organic cotton sheets and a sweet co-sleeping set-up. I was on it.

Then my first son was born and everything was hard – he had significant feeding problems, tongue tie, reflux, torticollis, gut issues and he cried and cried (and cried). 😭

The most fundamental elements of early motherhood… being able to feed your baby and to soothe your baby were going horrifically and it didn’t matter how many articles I’d read or how many organic baby slings I’d purchased. My vision of how motherhood would be was miles apart from the reality and it brought up all the subconscious conditioning I thought I’d already dealt with….. all those feelings of not being worthy, not being good enough.

Next time, in the first instalment of things I failed at as an attachment parent… breastfeeding. This is the one that hurt the most for me. 🤱🏼

(P.S. It’s not all doom and gloom, my boys are doing great and our bond is amazing).

Learn more about me and the ways kinesiology can support your baby and your conscious parenting journey at www.kirstymariedenny.com

05/05/2026

To diagnose or not to diagnose…. Is that the question?

https://www.brainzmagazine.com/post/is-it-autism-exploring-the-complexities-of-diagnosis

📋 Who should or shouldn’t be diagnosed with autism and whether its roots are genetic, environmental or both are topics that elicit a lot of strong opinions….which is exactly why I think we should talk about it more, not less.

I touch on these topics in this article… although it’s by no means an exhaustive exploration of such a complex subject!

This is a controversial subject at the moment with there being a lot of totally understandable concerns internationally about funding and supports for those with autism and other disabilities. I’m certainly NOT in favour of people who need it receiving less support, I understand what it is to be a full-time carer running near empty. I also hear, loud and clear the concerns of carers of those with the highest support needs long-term.

💗 What I am in favour of is having honest, open-hearted conversations and explorations where we genuinely try to see others’ perspectives and focus on solutions and support.

In my opinion, the big picture is that our progress as a human species relies on having the courage to engage in respectful and nuanced dialogue with those we disagree with.

At the individual level, there are many and varied factors influencing the expression of autistic traits as well as the decision to pursue a diagnosis or not.

In our family we do have diagnoses for pragmatic reasons… I’d love to hear about your experience with autism (or ADHD, or other) diagnosis and what it means to you.

The number of diagnoses of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a hot-button topic these days. Whether you consider a diagnosis to be a...

24/04/2026

📸 Yesterday, we had a family photo shoot, and as the photographer was raving about our kids (So lovely! They listen! They take direction!) it was one of those times when I can see with clarity how far we’ve come!

Don’t get me wrong, our boys have always been our greatest joy….but, wowsers, were they wild!

💥 I’m talking explosive, firecrackers, intensely feeling, highly sensitive, fiercely autonomous, spirited with a capital s, in constant motion and negotiation…..All the adjectives we use today to describe children who, a generation ago (and sometimes still today) would be labelled difficult, naughty, defiant and worse names besides!

All this to say…. if you are parenting one (or more) of these magnificent beings.. I get it, it can be intensely challenging and exhausting.

AND the way you’re showing up day after day, moment by moment, doing the inner work so you can meet their intensity with respect and regulation, picking yourself back up when you stumble in your perfectly imperfect humanity… it matters so much. 💗

You matter so much, and the connected relationship you’re building with your wild one(s) is having a huge impact…. even if it’s hard to detect moment by moment, day by day…. I promise you it is.

Of course, sometimes there are factors besides personality at play – things like allergies and sensitivities, breathing issues or neurodivergence. These are all important, and regardless, your relationship with your child is still the key component.

You’ve got this, ladies and gentlemen, but remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint, 👟 so give yourselves grace.

See www.kirstymariedenny.com to learn more about my journey and holistic energetic support.

04/03/2026

Pupil size, the nervous system and autism.

If you're (gasp) middle aged(ish), you probably remember the days before automatic red-eye reduction when some people always had 'devil eyes' in photos.

That was me! (Check out the difference in pupil size in this picture of me and Brent not long after we met, awww, so young). I didn't really click at the time that it was because of the size of my pupils which were often so massive that hardly any iris was showing at all.

Much later, after I had my kids I read some research about larger resting pupil size (see a summary and some links here: https://neurolaunch.com/larger-tonic-pupil-size/ )as a possible early indicator of ASD in children and went hmmmm.

Of course, not everyone who is autistic has large pupils, and not everyone who has large pupils is autistic.
However, it does provide some interesting clues about the state of the nervous system suggesting autonomic differences or hyperarousal. I don't have an autism diagnosis but am certainly sensitive.

Interestingly, my pupils are much smaller now although I do still struggle to adjust to rapid changes in light still (e.g. driving at night).

Ageing is inevitable (and a privilege), but you can always improve your nervous system health.....

16/02/2026

Chakra Balancing Special: $100 for a full 1 hour session (including hand and foot chakras)

Kinesiology is energy work!

As well as working (energetically) on the nitty gritty of brain pathways, organ health etc. etc. I also work with the energy body including the chakras 😇

🌟The chakras can be described as energetic transducers and transformers … a healthy chakra system helps us to connect to our higher soul purpose and bring it through into this denser physical reality that we operate in.

In this way, balancing the chakras is foundational to being energetically balanced, vibrant and aligned with universal energy. ⚖️

For the rest of my birthday month, I have a special on a full chakra balance which may include ‘minor’ chakras as well as the major centres.

Healthy foot chakras 👣 are important for feeling balanced and grounded with a stable foundation.

The energy flowing through our hands 👋 is also incredibly important considering how much we use them to express ourselves and connect with others…. Think about healing work, parenting, art, music etc. etc. 🖌️🪉🎼

Message me, email [email protected] or txt/call 0273491133 to organise a time that suits in person (Ellerslie) or online. Some Sunday sessions in Remuera and remote sessions can also be booked online https://kirsty6sga.setmore.com/